English Equivalents of Famous Foreign Names

John Smith can be rendered as Johann Schmidt in German, Jean Lefebvre in French, and Jan Kowalski in Polish. Alternatively, the Spanish Raquel Molina would be Rachel Miller, the Italian Maria Russo Mary Ross, and the Greek Nikolaos Pappas Nicholas Priest in English.

A surprising number of famous (European) people fit just such a pattern. I’ll be listing their English form names below, giving you hints as to the field they’re famous for and the language you’ll be translating that name into. All you have to do is guess that famous foreign person.  Write your answers down, then scroll down to see how well you did. Ready?

Music

• John Brooks (German, classical)
• John Abrams (German, classical)
• Frank Shoemaker (German, classical)
• Robert Shoemaker (German, classical)
• Joseph Green (Italian, classical)

• Anthony Farmer (Czech, classical)
• Edward Griggs (Norwegian, classical)
• Anthony Bridges (German, classical)
• Gabriel Smith (French, classical)
• Julian Church (Spanish, popular)
• Titus Bridges (Spanish, popular)

Art

• John Lake (Dutch)
• Peter Roberts (Dutch)
• John Oakes (Dutch)
• Edward Monk (Norwegian)
• Jerome Wood (German)
• Frieda Ballard (Spanish)
• Jacob Rivers (Spanish)

Literature

• Gabriel March (Spanish)
• Charles Springs (Spanish)
• John Paul Taylor (French)
• Henry Hanks (German)
• Alexander Cannon (Russian)

Sports

• Roland Stock (Spanish, baseball)
• John Marshall (Spanish, baseball)

• Peter Martin (Spanish, baseball)
• Robert Clemmons (Spanish, baseball)
• Mary Goode (Spanish, tennis)
• Frank Baker-Farmer (German, soccer)
• Paul Meadows (Finnish, track)

Politics

• John Peters (Spanish)
• Francis Franks (Spanish)
• Mark Ross (Spanish)
• Joseph Martin (Spanish)
• Lou Woods (Portuguese)

Film

• Anthony Flagg (Spanish)
• William Bull (Spanish)
• Morris Knight (French)
• Joan Moore (French)
• Ann Noble (Spanish)
• Bridget Oakley (Swedish)

Other

• Paul Broome (Spanish, crime)
• Gerald Rivers (Spanish, journalism)
• Frank Slater (Spanish, military)
• Nicholas Carpenter (Serbo-Croatian, science)
• Ann Paulson (Russian, ballet)

[scroll down for answers]

Music

• John Brooks (German, classical) – Johann [Sebastian] Bach
• John Abrams (German, classical) – Johannes Brahms
• Frank Shoemaker (German, classical) – Franz Schubert
• Robert Shoemaker (German, classical) – Robert Schumann
• Joseph Green (Italian, classical) – Giuseppi Verdi

• Anthony Farmer (Czech, classical) – Anton Dvorak
• Edward Griggs (Norwegian, classical) – Edvard Grieg
• Anthony Bridges (German, classical) – Anton Bruckner
• Gabriel Smith (French, classical) – Gabriel Faure
• Julian Church (Spanish, popular) – Julio Iglesias

• Titus Bridges (Spanish, popular) – Tito Puente

Art

• John Lake (Dutch) – Jan Vermeer
• Peter Roberts (Dutch) – Peter [Paul] Rubens

• John Oakes (Dutch) – Jan Van Eyck
• Edward Monk (Norwegian) – Edvard Munch
• Jerome Wood (German) – Hieronymus Bosch

• Frieda Ballard (Spanish) – Frida Kahlo (“kahl” is actually German)
• Jacob Rivers (Spanish) – Diego Rivera

Literature

• Gabriel March (Spanish) – Gabriel [Garcia] Marquez
• Charles Springs (Spanish) – Carlos Fuentes
• John Paul Taylor (French) – Jean-Paul Satrtre

• Henry Hanks (German) – Heinrich Heine
• Alexander Cannon (Russian) – Aleksandr Pushkin

Sports

• Roland Stock (Spanish, baseball) – Orlando Cepeda
• John Marshall (Spanish, baseball) – Juan Marichal
• Peter Martin (Spanish, baseball) – Pedro Martinez

• Robert Clemmons (Spanish, baseball) – Roberto Clemente
• Mary Goode (Spanish, tennis) – Maria Bueno
• Frank Baker-Farmer (German, soccer) – Franz Beckenbauer
• Paul Meadows (Finnish, track) – Paavo Nurmi

Politics

• John Peters (Spanish) – Juan Peron
• Francis Franks (Spanish) – Francisco Franco

• Mark Ross (Spanish) – Marco Rubio
• Joseph Martin (Spanish) – Jose Marti
• Lou Woods (Portuguese) – Lula da Silva

Film

• Anthony Flagg (Spanish) – Antonio Banderas
• William Bull (Spanish) – Guillermo del Toro
• Morris Knight (French) – Maurice Chevalier

• Joan Moore (French) – Jeanne Moreau
• Ann Noble (Spanish) – Ana de Armas
• Bridget Oakley (Swedish) – Britt Ekland

Other

• Frank Slater (Spanish, military) – Francisco Pizarro

• Paul Broome (Spanish, crime) – Pable Escobar
• Gerald Rivers (Spanish, journalism) – Geraldo Rivera
• Nicholas Carpenter (Serbo-Croatian, science) – Nikola Tesla
• Nicholas Carpenter (Serbo-Croatian, science) – Nikola Tesla
• Ann Paulson (Russian, ballet) – Anna Pavlova

(Semi) Famous Andersons

It’s a pretty common name, you can take it from me. It used to be in the top 10 (number 9, if I remember correctly), but a recent influx of Rodriguezes, Martinezes, et al. have crowded it out.

At the same time, though, there simply are no famous Andersons. No presidents or vice presidents. No Nobel Prize winners. No major business types. No great sports figures.

How obscure are they? Well, a search of the Interwebs gives me only about 15 I’ve ever heard of. Here they are, in increasing order of “fame”:

Louie Anderson – fat, baby-faced comedic has-been

Bill Anderson – C&W singer from way back when country wasn’t cool

Yes, Bil is a guy

Gary Anderson – chubby South African football player (if you can call a placekicker a football player)

John Anderson – obscure 3^rd party presidential candidate from 50 years ago

With charming wife Keke

Pamela Anderson – blonde bimbo with sex tape history

With fellow sex-tape star, ex Tommy Lee

Loni Anderson – blonde bimbo who married male bimbo Burt Reynolds

Gillian Anderson – WASPy actress famous for a TV show that combined the paranormal with “the domestic intelligence and security service of the United States”

Laurie Anderson – avant-garde musical & artistic weirdo

Ian Anderson – balding flutist (yes, flutist!) for the obscure & strangely-named band Jethro Tull

Paul Thomas Anderson – director of a bunch of movies I’ve never seen

Sparky Anderson – baseball manager & Hall of Famer who was once confused with my dad

Marian Anderson – African-American signer who was once confused with my mom (Marion Anderson)

Wes Anderson – director of a bunch of movies I’ve seen, but that didn’t make much sense

Sherwood Anderson – author of Winesburg, Ohio, which everyone had to read in high school

2026 NFL Draft Funny Names

Well, it’s that time of the year again. Time for the NFL draft!

And what we all know what that means, right? Yup, lotsa weird names.

So, here we go! Twenty-four, thirty-six, hike!

Jackson Kuwatch

• Carolina, LB, Miami (OH), #227
• Fun fact:  Originally a walk-on with Ohio State, where he did not play a game in 2 years

Carnell Tate

• Tennessee, WR, Ohio State, #4
• Fun fact:  Had 37 scholarship offers in high school

Ar’maj Reed-Adams

• Buffalo, G, Texas A&M, #241
• Fun fact:  Spell check wants me to change his first name to Aroma

Da’Zhaun Stribling

• SF, WR, Ole Miss, #33
• Fun fact:  Full name is Da'Zhaun-Ryan Demetrios Stribling

Toriano Pride, Jr.

• Buffalo, CB, Missou, #220
• Fun fact:  Parks, Recreation, Sport & Tourism major

Quintayvious Hutchins

• NE, DE, Boston College, #247
• Fun fact:  Known as “Q”

Bauer Sharp

• TB, TE, LSU, #185
• Fun fact:  Originally a QB at Southeastern Louisiana

Trey Smack

• K, GB, Florida, #216
• Fun fact:  Actually, James Smack III

Cade Klubnik

• NYJ, QB, Clemson, #110
• Fun fact:  Completed a “microinternship” with First Rate Exchange Services in London

Wade Woodaz

• Houston, LB, Clemson, #123
• Fun fact:  Spell check wants me to change last name to Woodrat

Oscar Delp

• NO, TE, Georgia, #73
• Fun fact:  Brother Harry also played at Georgia

Treydan Stukes

• LV, DB, Arizona, #38
• Fun fact:  Weighed 150 lbs as HS senior

Gennings Dunker

• Pittsburgh, T, Iowa, #96
• Fun fact:  “Described by his teammates as a Paul Bunyan-like folk hero” (The Beast)

DeMonte Capeheart

• TB, DT, Clemson, #155
• Fun fact:  “Rarely gets to a workable counter off his bull rush [whatever that means]” (nfl.com)

Hezekiah Masses

• LV, CB, Cal, #175
• Fun fact:  Goes by “Zeke”

Dametrious Crownover

• NE, T, Texas A&M, #196
• Fun fact:  Committed to Texas A&M as a tight end

Domonique Orange

• Minnesota, NT, Iowa State, #82
• Fun fact:  Nickname is “Big Citrus”

Olaivavega Ioane

• Baltimore, G, Penn State, #14
• Fun fact:  From American Samoa; goes by Vega

Febechi Nwaiwu

• Houston, G, Oklahoma, #106
• Fun fact:  Previously a walk-in at North Texas State; last name is pronounced “WEE-woo”

Ephesians Prysock

• SF, CB, Washington State, #139
• Fun fact:  “Will also have issues idling down when he gets going vertically to come back downhill [whatever that means]“ (espn.com)

Marilyn Monroe & Family

Just finished The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe, by Randy Tomborelli. Great book!

Interestingly, it focuses a lot on Marilyn’s female blood relatives:

• Her mother, Gladys Baker
• Her half-sister, Berniece Miracle
• Her niece, Mona Rae Miracle

Now, Marilyn Monroe is arguably the most beautiful woman ever. If nothing else, she’s definitely the most photogenic. What comes as something of a surprise, though, is how attractive her relatives were as well. 

Unfortunately, Marilyn was also a mess. She was addicted to drugs, had manic-depressive episodes, heard voices & was hospitalized for mental health issues. Turns out her mother was even worse. Luckily, Berniece and Mona Rae were spared.

Gladys 

Gladys Pearl Monroe was born in Mexico, where her father was painting rail cars. He was an alcoholic and would be institutionalized with (and later die from) neurosyphilis. Her mother, who would later become schizophrenic, would marry 2 more times, both to alcoholics.

Gladys herself was married 3 times, the first at age 14. That marriage, to Jasper Baker, produced 2 children, Berniece (see below) & Robert (disabled after falling out of a car, he died at 15). Baker, another alcoholic, kidnapped the 2 children and moved to Kentucky. 

Gladys married 2 more times, but without producing any more children. She did, however, have an illegitimate child, Marylin, with her boss, Charles Stanley Gifford. She was working at the time as a film cutter, in Hollywood.

With mental struggles of her own, Gladys was unable to care for Marilyn (born Norma Jean) and put her up for foster care & adoption. Indeed, Gladys, a paranoid schizophrenic, would spend almost the next 30 years in mental institutions.

Berniece

Berniece grew up in Kentucky. She married at age 19, to the interestingly named Paris Miracle. They would remain married until his death in 1990. Their union would produce one child, Mona Rae (see below).

Gladys told Berniece of Marilyn’s existence only when she became pregnant with Mona Rae. The two half-sisters met in 1944, visited each other over the years, and kept up a steady correspondence.

With her daughter, Berniece would author a book about the two half-sisters’ relationship, called My Sister Marilyn. Otherwise, Berniece largely avoided the spotlight, and worked in various occupations as she and her family moved around the southeast. She passed away in 2014, at the age of 94.

Mona Rae

Mona Rae was born in 1939, in Kentucky. She has a bachelor’s and master’s, and has worked in communications, training, library science & teaching. She is also a published writer and poet.

Mona married one William Joseph Booth. It doesn't appear that they had any children.

 

Francine

Marilyn’s father had 2 children other than Marilyn. One, Charles Gifford Jr., would go on to have a couple of daughters. 

I could find information only on one, Francine. A mother of 4, she also owns an insurance agency. She’s the one who provided DNA that confirmed that her grandfather was Marilyn’s father. She disingenuously states, “I don’t have delusions that Marilyn and I look similar, but we both have big feet.”