Everybody knows who the winningest teams are, the greatest players, the biggest matches, etc. Well, how about on the other side? What’s the worst?
Two points of methodology:
- There are only 20 teams in the EPL at any one time, so I’m expanding my data set to include any team that has played in the EPL since its inception in 1992.
- I’m focusing on the stuff that doesn’t really matter – club names, mascots, logos, etc.
Stupidest Club Name
Sheffield Wednesday - nothing else even comes close.
Now, if you’re familiar with this club, you may also be familiar with how that name came about. It’s really pretty simple …
Sheffield Wednesday took their name from a local cricket club that just so happened to play their games … drum roll, please … on Wednesdays. Both the cricket and football clubs are some of the oldest out there (1820 and 1867, respectively), by the way.
The team was originally known as the Wednesday Football Club. They switched to Sheffield Wednesday to distinguish themselves from Sheffield United.
Interestingly, their mascot is an owl. And that undoubtedly came from their move to a suburb called Owlerton.
Dumbest Nickname
Boy, there sure was a lot of competition for this. You’ve got your West Brom Baggies, AKA the Throstles. You’ve got your Wimbledon Wombles (though they became the Milton Keynes Dons in 2004). You’ve got your Portsmouth Pompey (after a nickname for the city itself). And you’ve got your Reading Biscuitmen (from local biscuit makers Huntley & Palmer).
I’ve got to go, though, with the Everton Toffeemen. Now, there happens to be no large toffee factory in Everton. I checked. There are, though, a couple of shops near the stadium that sold the treat. Really, though, it’s all a bit of a mystery.
However it came about, Everton embraced it. They even went so far as to have a girl go around the stands before a game tossing sweets into the crowd.
So cute!
Unfortunately, those sweets were Everton mints. And that’s a
kind of candy that is pure sugar and has absolutely no toffee inside them
whatsoever. Go figure.
Guess they should have been called the Mintmen, or the Minters, or the Minty Boys, or something like that.
Goofiest Grounds
More stiff competition here as well. This time, though, I think I’m going to give everyone a gold star.
- Bolton – Toughsheet Comm Stadium. What the heck is “toughsheet”? Actually, it’s a brand of building products. Kind of like a British Tyvek, I would imagine.
- Bradford – Valley Parade. Named after the neighborhood in which the grounds were sited. The neighborhood, in turn, was named after a flat area (i.e., perhaps used as a parade ground) nestled in a valley.
- Fulham – Craven Cottage. Was built on the site of an old hunting lodge, built by the 6th Lord Craven, in 1780. After that succumbed to fire in 1888, Fulham FC moved in.
As for that last one, I’ve got 2 fun facts:
- Author Edward Bulwer-Lyton lived in the cottage for awhile
- Fulham’s nickname are, of course, the Cottagers
One of the quainter grounds out there
Dorkiest Logo
Once again, we’ve got a couple of candidates. Bolton’s, for instance is just super lame:
And Bournemouth’s is just plain weird:
Watford’s, though, really takes the cake.
Why, for example, is there a moose on it? I mean, the team’s
nickname is the Hornets after all, right? And why is that moose red? Finally,
why is that moose so poorly drawn?
Well, the Interwebs can explain it all. First, that thing is a hart, a male red deer. These animals, which are native to Britain, look primarily like an elk. Also, they’re not quite as bright red as on the logo. To wit:
As for why that’s on the logo
in the first place, the Internet is telling me it’s on the coat of arms for
Herefordshire, where Watford is located. Except that’s actually - and no mistake about it - a bull:
Thanks for nothing, Interwebs.
Lamest Motto
Not every club has a motto. Those that do typically have something in Latin. They usually equate to something boring and predictable like “Skill and Work” (Blackburn), “Pride in Battle” (Man City), and “Wisdom and Courage” (Sheffield Wednesday).
Swindon Town seems to have the best one here, Salubritas et Industria. And if you’re Latin’s a little rusty, that means “Health and Industry.” Now, that also happens to be the motto of Swindon itself. It speaks, of course, for the heavy industry in the area, but also for Swindon’s being a model for the NHS. Not so sure, though, that that’s a such a great choice for their football club.
BTW, that’s supposed to be a robin (a nickname for the team)
in the upper left quarter
Worst Unis
Not counting away kits or 3rd colors here, as those can be all sorts of craziness (and seem to change every season besides). Home unis, though, seem to stick around forever.
Once again, I’m having a hard time picking choosing from among several candidates. So, here they are:
- Blackburn – look like jockeys
- Sheffield – kinda like gondoliers
- Stoke – a definite barbershop quartet vibe
- Newcastle – look exactly like basketball refs
And here’s what they actually look like, in order:
Most Embarrassing EPL Mascots
Wow! There are so many of these. I’m going to have to come up with a separate post. Stay tuned.
