Yup, this is cruel. And, yes, I am fat-shaming.
It’s just like watching a car crash though. You simply can’t avert your eyes.
Especially if you had a crush on some of these lovely ladies back in the day. I mean, it’s not like I’m still the matinee idol I was back then either.
But still … I mean, Wow!
Kelly Clarkson
I think we are all familiar with this one. Kelly was the winner on American Idol’s first season. She’s since had over 27 hits in the top 100, and sold over 25 million albums and 40 millions songs. Bet you didn’t know that she once turned down a scholarship to Berklee.
Sinead O’Connor
Even with a shaved head, Sinead O’Connor was a looker. She was also a little crazy. Her latest caper involves converting to Islam (and that after having been ordained as a priest 20 or so years ago). She’s changed her name twice, first to Magda Davitt and now to Shuhada Sadaqat.
Stevie Nicks
If you were a teenage boy during in the ‘70s and didn’t have a crush on Stevie Nicks, something was wrong with you. The lead singer with Fleetwood Mac, Nicks also had a pretty darn good solo career. Fun fact: Stevie met Lindsey Buckingham at a Young Life meeting. Fun fact 2: At 5’1”, Nicks was almost a foot and a half shorter than the 6’6” Mick Fleetwood. Fun fact 3: She is an ordained minister.
Grace Slick
It’s not too hard to believe, but Grace Slick started out as a model. She was the lead singer for Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and her first band, the Great Society. I was
tempted to share the same pose from her younger days, but I rather prefer the contrast.
Ann Wilson
Is that a laced bodice? I love laced bodices. Ann and her sister Nancy were the heart and soul of the band Heart. Ann was the lead singer, Nancy the lead guitarist. “Crazy on You,” “Magic Man,” and of course “Barracuda” – great stuff. Did you know that the two were Marine brats (and that their father was a major)? How about that she grew up with a marked stutter?
Marianne Faithfull
Primarily known as Mick Jagger’s girlfriend, Marianne Faithfull also had a few hits and a few movie roles. In the early ‘70s, however, she ended up addicted, anorexic, and on the streets. A major comeback with the album Broken English helped her get back on her feet. Fun fact: Her mother was an Austrian noblewoman and related to Leopold Sacher-Masoch (author of Venus in Furs, and source of the term masochism).
Kate Bush
A quirky, very talented, and incredibly beautiful singer-songwriter, Kate Bush burst onto the scene with a #1 hit, “Wuthering Heights,” when she was 19. After a number of hit albums and songs, she retired from public life for 12 years in the late 90s and early 00s, earning a reputation as something of a recluse. She eventually returned to recording and performing, earning a CBE in 2018.
Linda Ronstadt
A versatile talent, Linda Ronstadt did rock, country, jazz, Latin, and light opera. She has earned ten Grammys, one Emmy, and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Ronstadt has sold over a 100 million, and sung on over, 120 different albums. She may, though, be just as famous for dating Jerry Brown (as well as Jim Carrey and George Lucas). Bet you didn’t know that she comes from a very distinguished Arizona family that dates all the way back to the 1840s. And on her mother’s side, she is the granddaughter of inventor Lloyd Copeman, who holds over 700 patents.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the seven wonders of the world – either the ancient or the modern version. You know, the pyramids at Giza, the hanging gardens of Babylon, the Great Wall of China, the Taj Mahal … that kind of stuff.
Well, were you aware that that’s now a thing, and is applied willy-nilly all over the globe? Yup, typing in “the seven wonders of” into Google will give you such auto-completes as “the United States,” “Oregon,” and “Sassafras Springs.”
So, let’s take a look at what comes up when we try to look up the wonders of our 50 states.
Now, some of these are going to be pretty darn amazing. At the same time, though, not every state has a Grand Canyon, or a Golden Gate Bridge, or a Statue of Liberty.
In fact, if you’re state’s kind of small, or rather flat, or featureless, or just doesn’t have that many people, chances are you’re really going to have stretch a little to come up with seven. And that’s where the fun comes in.
So, basically, what I’ve got here is the most embarrassing claims to wonderhood I could come up with – for states like New Jersey, or Delaware, or Indiana. C’mon, let’s take a look!
Alabama
Neversink Pit
"Neversink Pit, also known as Neversink Cave, is a limestone sinkhole with a 162-foot drop. Its fern-covered ledges and beautiful waterfalls attract cavers from near and far, which has led Neversink Pit to become one of the most photographed sinkholes in the world."
Comment: Hmm, not quite as I had imagined
Arkansas
"Rate Your Melons in Hope"
For more than 35 years, Hope has grown record-breaking watermelons. That’s what all Southern states say, right? Well, this Arkansas city owns this claim. This tiny town produced 100-plus pound watermelons, as well as a watermelon water tower, a replica watermelon (that once held the world record) in the visitor’s center, not to mention a president of the United States of America (Hello, Mr. Clinton). The city celebrates this assertion yearly with the Hope Watermelon Festival, held every August. Starting in 1977, the event features seed-spitting contests, live music, games, watermelon activities and even arm wrestling."
Comment: Camel rides?
Connecticut
Hopeville Pond
"Pack a picnic and enjoy a day by the water. A lake visit is an excellent idea in the summer, as long as you know how to look for toxic algae. They're a great place to swim, fish and relax while being surrounded by nature."
Comment: Come for the picnicking; stay for the “toxic algae”
Delaware
The Lewes Canal
"When it comes to engineering wonders in Delaware, the Rehoboth-Lewes Canal holds its own. The Canal that cuts through the historic town of Lewes was first built in 1913, right before the United States was to enter World War I. Originally the canal was meant for shipping, to make routes from the Delaware Bay and Broadkill River down to the Rehoboth Bay quicker and easier. With increased investment in infrastructure, the commercial use of the canal was soon unnecessary. For the most part, the canal has been used for recreational purposes. In present day Lewes, the canal separates two parts of the city and is waterfront to many restaurants and parks throughout the town. If you're looking for an incredible feat of engineering that's as beautiful as it is long, you'll fall in love with the Lewes Canal."
Comment: Right up there with Suez and Panama, I’m sure
Georgia
Providence Canyon
"A landscape resembling the American West earned Providence Canyon the nickname "Little Grand Canyon." Carved by erosion due to poor farming practices, the canyons offer a fascinating look at the colorful history and geology of south Georgia. Backpackers explore the canyon inside and out along a challenging 7-mile trail that leads to six primitive campsites."
Comment: Grand Canyon: millions of years of geological formation / Providence Canyon: poor farming practices
Illinois
"If you're looking for a beach in Illinois, you'll want to check out Illinois Beach State Park. There, you will find 6.5 miles of sandy shoreline against Lake Michigan. The views are beautiful, and it truly can look like the Caribbean sometimes."
Comment: Sure, whatever you say
Indiana
The Miller House
"This respendent midcentury-modern gem has attracted architecture aficianados from all over the country since opening to the public in 2011. Reservations required."
Comment: Hey, it’s respendent!
Iowa
"Catch sunset at Bellevue State Park, and then head over to Flatted Fifth's BBQ for a memorable meal."
Comment: Hard to say which is more memorable, the park or the BBQ
Kansas
Big Well
"At 32 feet wide and 109 feet deep, it is indeed a very big well, though despite its claim the Big Well isn’t quite the largest hand-dug in the world. The Pozzo di S. Patrizio or St. Patrick’s Well, built in 1527 in Orvieto, Italy is, at 42 feet by 200 feet, larger. The Big Well is certainly the largest hand-dug well in the US.
The residents of Greensburg have long been proud of their well, recently named one of the eight wonders of Kansas, but maintaining it hasn’t always been easy going. The well was a popular stop from 1939 to the present, with millions buying the two-dollar ticket to take a journey down into the well and throwing a coin, shoe, or other lucky items into the bottom. In 1956 the well celebrated its one millionth visitor. In the ’90s the town hired divers to clean the bottom of the well and many things were found such as shoes, eyeglasses, chewing gum and approximately $1,200 in coins. But by the 1990s it seems that the well’s supply of tourists had dried up.
Even worse, in 2007 a tornado destroyed almost the entire town, including the Well’s visitor center, leaving only a few buildings and, of course, the well itself."
Comment: I'm not sure there's anything I can add here that hasn't already been said
Kentucky
The Pinnacles and Indian Fort Mountain Trail in Berea
"This beautiful part of Kentucky’s nature is part of the Berea College Forest, which has been providing Madison County with water and wood since 1898. It is among the oldest “managed” private forests in the U.S. This beloved area in Berea allows nature lovers to really get out and enjoy the view and the tranquility of the area. Residents consider the majestic beauty in this area to be one of the greatest perks of living in the community."
Comment: Be sure to bring your own carving knife!
Louisiana
Backbone Trail in Kisatchie National Forest
"A 7.6 mile trail that cuts right through the heart of one of the largest and most majestic wilderness areas in Louisiana. Home to rare hills and a large swath of longleaf pine forest, reminding residents of the days when these forests spanned millions of acres throughout the southeast."
Comment: Flat, muddy, and undoubtedly buggy
Maine
Mystical Rangeley Lake
"The town of Rangeley is almost exactly halfway between the equator and the North Pole. As a result, many people report "otherworldly" activity while being there."
Comment: And that's about as mystical as you can't get, folks
Maryland
Cunningham Falls
"Maryland's highest cascading waterfall is a neat place to visit year-round. It is definitely one of the most unique waterfalls in the U.S."
Comment: And what makes it so unique, you might ask?
Massachusetts
Bash Bish Falls, Mt. Washington
"Unless you’ve been, you really can’t imagine how awesome this waterfall is. Plummeting almost 200 feet into a crystal-clear pool at its base, Bash Bish Falls is the tallest waterfall in the state. The cascade splits into two twin streams that drop in an 80-foot "V," which means that you’ll feel like you’re getting two waterfalls for the price of one. The falls are hidden away in a shady grove of hemlock trees next to the Mount Washington State Forest, but are an easy hike from the parking area."
Comment: You really had to be there
Michigan
Belle Isle
"This 982-acre park situated on the Detroit River is truly a natural phenomena as it's the largest city-owned island park in the country (even though the state manages it)."
Comment: Well, then that's completely bogus then, isn't it?
Minnesota
Foshay Tower
"The Foshay Tower was the first skyscraper built in the state of Minnesota and remained the tallest building in Minneapolis from 1929-1971." Currently, you can visit the museum as well as look out on the observation deck at the city of Minneapolis. Check out their website for hours, and directions!"
Comment: Or, alternatively, you can look up at the other, much, much taller buildings
Missouri
Johnson's Shut-Ins State Park
"Johnson’s Shut-Ins is a Missouri State public recreation area covering 8,647 acres on the East Fork Black River in Reynolds County. In warmer weather you can play in the shallows of the East Fork of the Black River, but this time of year is a great time to hike a trail that shows you 1.4 billion years of geologic history or to go horseback riding on a beautiful mountain trail."
Comment: Are these the Johnsons? And why are they shut in?
New Hampshire
Moore Dam, Littleton
"New Hampshire's biggest dam was created in 1956 by flooding two towns, one in New Hampshire and one in neighboring Vermont. The reservoir created by the dam covers more than 3,000 acres and has become a popular spot for fishing."
Comment: Hoover it ain’t
New Jersey
High Point
"The highest point in New Jersey, High Point is part of the Kittatinny Mountain Range. The views are incredible on a clear day."
Comment: I’m hoping this was not a clear day
North Dakota
Stanley R. Mickelsen Safeguard Complex
"When you think of the 7 Wonders of the World, the Great Pyramid of Giza may come to mind and certainly is one of the most well-known and popular wonders. North Dakota, surprisingly, has a sort of pyramid of its own (and no, it wasn't made for a hotel or tourist attraction). This unusual and almost creepy-looking pyramid structure is known as the Stanley R. Mickelsen Safeguard Complex, and while it had an important original purpose, it was only in operation for a few days before being shut down and left to stand where it is near Nekoma, North Dakota. It was created as a place to detect and deter missiles of the Cold War. The pyramid itself is actually a huge radar. Today, the site is completely abandoned, but the lofty concrete pyramid remains - and this is only showing what is on the surface, beneath the ground there is a ton more hidden to this place."
Comment: A hidden gem!
Ohio
Oak Openings
"Close to Toledo you’ll find what’s considered to be Ohio’s rarest ecosystem (and one of the world’s rarest ecosystems) where rare plants and animals, oak forests, sand dunes, savannas, tall-grass prairies and swamp forests all thrive in harmony—and it will truly make you feel like you’re not in Ohio anymore."
Comment: You do know those are pine trees, right?
Pennsylvania
Losh Run Box Huckleberry
"It might sound strange to have a single plant on this list of natural wonders of Pennsylvania. However, the Losh Run Box Huckleberry deserves to be on this list. Located along Route 322 in Perry County, PA, and nearly destroyed by the construction of the highway, the plant is considered to be one of the oldest living organisms in the world, estimated to be over 13,000 years old.
Before the roadway was widened, this plant covered over a square mile of ground, rising only about a foot off of the forest floor. Today, it still survives, but in smaller patches.
The Losh Run Box Huckleberry is located entirely on private property. However, it is possible to visit the nearby Hoverter and Sholl Box Huckleberry Natural Area, which is home to a box huckleberry estimated to be over 1,000 years old."
Comment: Funny, it doesn’t look that old
Rhode Island
Stepstone Falls, West Greenwich
"This series of waterfalls may not be big, but they are distinctly beautiful. Visit the Arcadia Management Area to find them. The falls drop over a series of short rocky ledges for approximately 100 feet. Each step aids in building this sweet little natural wonder. Find the natural area at 260 Arcadia Rd., Hope Valley, RI 02823."
Comment: Emphasis on “not big”
South Carolina
Healing Springs
"The healing properties in the water from this natural spring, called God's Acre Healing Springs, have long been touted as having a super power to naturally heal whatever ails you. Plus, it just tastes good! People drive hundreds of miles to restock their water supply from this healing spring in South Carolina."
Comment: So, Marienbad it's not
Vermont
Floating Bridge
"The first bridge on this site was erected in 1820. It was built this way because the lake is too deep for traditional pilings. The seventh bridge was closed to traffic and torn down in 2008 for replacement due to failure of its floatation system, which was based on foam-filled barrels."
Comment: I'm not totally sure if this one is floatating too well
Virginia
Foamhenge
"Just one mile from Natural Bridge sits another of Virginia's wonders. Why travel all the way to England when you can admire a complete replica of Stonehenge right here in Virginia? Artist Mark Cline created this masterpiece entirely out of foam which has been painted to resemble Stonehenge. The result is every bit as majestic as the real thing."
Comment: Every bit
