Hot Pols

Welcome to my extremely sexist blog post. Yup, I really am ranking the hottest babes in the very serious (to some, at least) field of US politics.

I’ll be focusing on:

• The big positions – US senate, US rep, governor
• Elected offices only 

As for that last bit, I originally wanted to figure out which party had the hottest babes. 

Now, numbers-wise, they’re pretty evenly split. The top babes, though, are definitely R’s. Now, I’m not sure if that’s because they actually are hotter, or just because they seem a lot more willing to don a bikini.

Anyway, let’s check it out …

25.  Kirsten Gillibrand 

New York, Sen, D

NOTE:  Graduated magna cum laude from Dartmouth

24.  Catherine Cortez Masto 

Nevada, Sen, D

NOTE:  Half Italian, half Mexican

23.  Marie Perez 

Washington, Rep, D

NOTE:  Made the New York Times Style Magazine list of the Most Stylish People 

Though you wouldn’t know it from here

22.  Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick 

Florida, Rep, D

NOTE:  Indicted on 17 counts for theft of $5 million in FEMA funds & making illegal campaign contribution donations

21. Emilia Sykes 

Ohio, Rep, D

NOTE:  Dad was a state senator & mom a state rep

20. Mikie Sherrill 

New Jersey, Gov, D

NOTE:  Naval Academy grad & Navy helicopter pilot

19. Shontel Brown 

Ohio, Rep, D

NOTE:  Won her 1st position (city council) by 7 votes

18. Julia Letlow 

Louisiana, Rep, R

NOTE:  Has a PhD

17. Gretchen Whitmer 

Michigan, Gov, D

NOTE:  Has 3 tattoos

16. Beth Van Duyne 

Texas, Rep, R

NOTE:  Grew up in NY

15. Katie Britt 

Alabama, Sen, R

NOTE:  Married to a former NFLer

14. Nanette Barragan

California, Rep, D

NOTE:  Has played in the Congressional Baseball Game & Congressional Women's Softball Game

13.  Nancy Mace 

South Carolina, Rep, R

NOTE:  Graduated magna cum laude from the Citadel

12.  Lori Trahan

Massachusetts, Rep, D

NOTE:  In Lowell High School’s Sports Hall of Fame

11. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

New York, Rep, D

NOTE:  Former waitress & bartender

10. Jasmine Crockett 

Texas, Rep, D

NOTE:  Called out Marjorie Taylor Green’s (see below) “bleach-blonde, bad-built, butch body” on the house floor

9. Laura Gillen 

New York, Rep, D

NOTE:  Taught scuba in Thailand

8. Laurel Lee 

Florida, Rep, R

NOTE:  Fomer judge & Florida secretary of state

7. Lisa McClain 

Michigan, Rep, R

NOTE:  Maiden name is Iovannisci

6. Ashley Hinson 

Iowa, Rep, R

NOTE:  Former TV news babe

5. Claudia Tenney

New York, Rep, R

NOTE:  On basketball, curling & equestrian teams in high school

4. Lauren Boebert

Colorado, Rep, R

NOTE:  Got into a screaming match with Marjorie Taylor Greene (see below) in the house ladies’ bathroom over a vote for speaker

3. Marjorie Taylor Greene

Georgia, Rep, R

NOTE: Big-time CrossFitter (trainer, franchisee)

2. Maria Elvira Salazar

Florida, Rep, R

NOTE:  Former TV news babe

1.  Anna Paulina Luna

Florida, Rep, R

NOTE:  Has appeared in SI & Maxim

Countries with a Single NFL Alum

About 5 years ago, I did something similar for baseball. So, why not do the same for football? 

NOTES:

• As before, I’m only doing real countries. So, places like Hong Kong, Marshall Islands, Kosovo … are out
• Same goes for NFL teams – Columbus Tigers, LA Buccaneers, Pottsville Maroons …

Angola – Christo Bilukidi

DE, 3 yrs, 3 teams, 2010s

Fun fact – has lived in Angola, France & Canada

Is now selling real estate (Christo’s on the right)

Armenia – Mike Gulian

T, Brown, 5 yrs, 3 teams, 1920s

Fun fact – first name was Milanese

Bolivia – Wilson Alvarez

K, Seahawks, 1981

Oops, wrong one

Brazil – Cairo Santos

K, Tulane, 12 yrs, 5 teams, active

Fun facts – discovered American football as an exchange student

2012 Lou Groza Award winner (best college kicker)

Chile – Sammis Reyes

TE, Commanders, 2021

Fun fact – 6’6” and originally a basketball player

Cyprus – Garo Yepremian

K, 14 yrs, 4 teams, 2-time Pro Bowler, led NFL in scoring

Fun fact – most seasons for a player who did not go to college

Now, known solely for this play, poor guy

El Salvador – Jose Cortez

K, Oregon St, 6 yrs, 7 teams, 2000s

Fun fact – came to US at age 15 as undocumented alien; became a state trooper upon retirement; fired for sexual assault

Fiji – Freddy Keiaho

LB, San Diego St, 4 yrs, Colts

Fun fact – born Naivote Taulawakeiaho

You can find him on LinkedIn, selling pools

Gambia – Ali Gaye

LB, LSU, 2 yrs, Titans, active

Fun fact – immigrated at age 12

Guinea – Kwity Paye

DE, Michigan, 5 yrs, Colts, active

Fun fact – Liberian, born in Guinea as a refugee

Guyana – Lance Schulters

DB, Hofstra, 10 yrs, 4 teams

Fun fact – currently assistant defensive coach for Atlanta

Iran – Shar Pourdanesh

T, Nevada, 5 yrs, 2 teams

Fun fact – formerly in CFL

Libya – Tony Cherry

RB, Oregon, 2 yrs, 49ers, 1980s

Fun fact – another CFLer

Paraguay – Benny Ricardo

K, San Diego State, 7 yrs, 5 teams

Fun fact – TV analyst, actor, comedian; married to former Playmate Monique Noel

 

Benny on left, Monique on right

Crazy Soccer Nicknames

Now, some are just boring (Reds, Blues, Lions, Eagles). Some are a little more interesting (Clarets, Violets, Griffins, Gunners). And some are just crazy.

And it’s that last group that we’re interested in here. So, without further ado, here are my top 25, from least to most crazy.

NOTE: There are probably thousands of soccer teams in the world. I’m limiting this to just the 5 major European leagues – the EPL (England), Bundesliga (Germany), Ligue 1 (France), Serie A (Italy) & La Liga (Spain). Maybe I’ll be back with some more.

25.  Anchovies (Boquerones) – Malaga (La Liga)

An important part of the local cuisine

24.  Carnival Club (Karnevalsverein) – Mainz 05 (Bundesliga)

City is famous for its Mardi Gras celebration

23.  Violins (Violini) – Cremonese (Serie A)

City is known for violin-making

22.  Blockheads (Teste Quadre) – Reggiana (Serie A)

Traditional insult directed at people from Reggio

21.  Grandpa (Abuelo) – Huelva (La Liga)

Oldest team in Spain

20.  Tractor Boys – Ipswich (EPL)

Located in an agricultural part of the country

19.  Pompey – Portsmouth (EPL)

A nickname for the city (itself of uncertain origin)

18. The Old Lady (La Vecchia Signora) – Juventus (Serie A) 

Reflects the team’s elegance & tradition

NOTE:  Hertha (Bundesliga) is also known as the Old Lady (Die Alte Dame)

17.  The Old Fool (Il Vecchio Balordo) – Genoa (Serie A)

Coined by a journalist who loved the team but hated their “often frustrating and unpredictable decisions”

16.  The Scapular Club (Le Club au Scapulaire) – Bordeaux (Ligue 1)

From a scapular-like V on the club’s jersey (a scapular is a Catholic ornament worn around the neck)

15.  Throstles – West Bromwich Albion (EPL)

A songbird prevalent on the grounds where the team’s stadium was built, AKA the song thrush

14.  The Big Grass Snake (Il Biscione) – Inter Milan (Serie A)

From the coat of arms for the city

13.  Potato Beetles (Kartoffelkäfer) – Aachen (Bundelsiga)

Because of their black and yellow striped jerseys

12.  Little Dutch Girl (Olandesina) – Pistoiesa (Serie A)

From their orange jerseys (& with orange traditionally associated with the Netherlands)

11.  Tricky Trees – Nottingham Forest (EPL)

From the team name (which, in turn, comes from Sherwood Forest)

10.  Biscuitmen – Reading (EPL)

Because of the town’s association with biscuit (i.e., cookie) makers Huntley & Palmers

9.  Toffees / Toffeemen – Everton (EPL)

From a candy shop near the stadium

8.  Cucumber Growers (Pepineros) – Leganes (La Liga)

From an agricultural specialty of the area

7.  Moody Diva (Launische Diva) – Eintracht Frankfurt (Bundesliga)

From the 1990s, when “the club would comfortably defeat top teams only to surprisingly lose to lesser clubs”

6.  Wombles – Wimbledon (EPL)

Pointy-nosed, furry creatures from a series of children’s books (ultimately, from a mispronunciation of Wimbledon by the author’s daughter)

5.  Flying Donkeys (Mussi Volanti) – Chievo Verona (Serie A)

From rivals who said the team would reach Serie A when “donkeys could fly” (comp. “when pigs can fly”)

4.  Meringues (Merengues) – Real Madrid (La Liga)

From their white uniforms

3.  Mattress Makers (Colchoneros) – Atletico Madrid (La Liga)

Team’s red and white jerseys are similar to traditional Spanish mattresses

NOTE:  Cadiz (La Liga) also has the same nickname

2.  Yellow Submarine (El Submarino Amarillo) – Villarreal (La Liga)

From the colors of the uniforms, as well as fans’ playing the Beatles’ song 

1.  Clockwork Cheese (El Queso Mecanico) – Albacete Balompie (La Liga)

From a famous local product (Manchego) & from the team’s precise, technical play (comp. the Clockwork Orange, a nickname for the Dutch national team)