Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester?
Wensleydale: I'm, afraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
Wensleydale: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
Wensleydale: Ah! It's been on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: Tis not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
Wensleydale: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Red Windsor?
Wensleydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Customer: Ah. Stilton?
Wensleydale: Sorry.
Customer: Emmenthal? Gruyere?
Wensleydale: No.
…
Well, I guess the Customer should have just asked for some of these.
Baron Bigod
- From: Suffolk
- Type: brie-like
- Name: after Baron Hugh Bigod, a local “12th-century rogue nobleman”
Cornish Yarg
- From: Cornwall
- Type: semi-soft, wrapped in nettle leaves,
- Name: “yarg” is “gray” (the last name of the couple who created it) spelled backwards
Crowdie
- From: Scotland
- Type: fresh, soft
- Note: often turned into the dessert cranachan
Dorset Drum
- From: Dorset
- Type: cheddar
- Name: made in the shape of a cylinder … in Dorset!
- Note: no longer produced
Duddleswell
- From: Sussex
- Type: goat
- Name: local village (“spring of a man named Dudda”)
Farleigh Wallop
- From: Hampshire
- Type: semi-soft goat
- Name: local village (“fern-covered clearing,” plus home of the Wallop [“stream valley”] family)
Their actual home
Fine Fettle Yorkshire
- From: Yorkshire
- Type: feta-like
- Name: originally “feta,” changed because of EU rules
Goosnargh Gold
- From: Lancashire
- Type: Double Gloucester
- Name: local village (“the hill pasture of a man named Gusan”)
Grimbister
- From: Orkney
- Type: fresh, farmhouse style
- Name: local village (“farm of a man named Grim”)
Gruth Dhu
- From: Scotland
- Type: Crowdie (see above), mixed with double cream, and rolled in black pepper & oatmeal
- Name: Scots for “curdy black”
- Note: also known as Black Crowdie
Hereford Hop
- From: Hereford
- Type: mature cheddar
- Name: rolled in toasted hops
Lincolnshire Poacher
- From: Lincolnshire
- Type: cheddar/Alpine-style mix
- Name: probably from the traditional English folk song
Little Wallop
- From: Hampshire
- Type: goat, wrapped in vine leaves
- Name: after Farleigh Wallop
Lymeswold
- From: Somerset
- Type: bleu, with edible rind
- Name: winner of a contest
- Note: no longer produced
Merry Wyfe
- From: Bath
- Type: Gouda-like, washed in cider
- Name: a variant of Wyfe of Bath, from the character in the Canterbury Tales
Pantysgawn
- From: Wales
- Type: goat
- Name: after farm where it was first made (Welsh for “valley of the hawthorns”)
Parlick Fell
- From: Lancashire
- Type: sheep
- Name: hill where sheep are raised (“par” is from “pear”; “lick” and “fell” mean “hill”)
Renegade Monk
- From: Somerset
- Type: bleu, washed in ale
- Name: nickname for Knights Templar, who lived nearby
Suffolk Bang
- From: Suffolk
- Type: “low-quality”
- Name: “named for its poor quality and high density. The name refers to the cheese being so solid it could ‘bang’ or make a loud noise.” [Google AI]
- Note: no longer produced
Stinking Bishop
- From: Gloucestershire
- Type: pungent, washed in perry (pear cider)
- Name: after the farmer, Frederick Bishop, who created a pear used for the perry
- Note: made famous by mention in Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Y Fenni
- From: Wales
- Type: mature cheddar, with mustard seeds & ale
- Name: short for Abergavenny, the local market town
