Most Embarrassing EPL Mascot

Last month, I tackled the worst of the EPL – nicknames, kits, logos, etc. I was going to include mascots, but it turns out that there are just so many of them that are cringeworthy that I just had to give them their own post.

MISCELLANEOUS

Barnsley – Toby Tyke

Now, to unpack it all …

Let’ start with “tyke.” That’s actually a nickname for a Yorkshireman (where Barnsley’s located), so that at least makes some sense.

As for the dog bit, looks like we’ve got another Yorkshire stereotype here. Seems the prototypical Yorkshireman was never seen without his flat cap and his whippet. What he did with his whippet, I’m not entirely certain.

That said, Toby does not exactly look like a whippet. Oh well, I guess those aren’t cute enough, and any old mutt will do.

As for “Toby,” I haven’t a clue. Maybe it’s just a matter of alliteration. 

Before Toby, the Barnsley mascot was Amos & the Donkey. In fact, the two were the first mascot in English soccer, starting in 1909. Unfortunately, the donkey was run over by a bus in 1937.

Bournemouth – Cherry Bear

It’s the eyes, isn’t it?

Bournemouth are famously known as the Cherries, undoubtedly because of their bright red unis. And that, supposedly, comes from the area’s association with cherry orchards.

What do bears have to do with all this? Haven’t a clue.

It does sound like Charley Cherry may have been a previous mascot, but I’m not totally sure. Here’s a mascot from 10 years ago, though he’s still called Cherry Bear.

A little bit more bear-like, this one. I mean, the current one does look a lot like Toby Tyke.
This one, from about 5 years ago, is also more bearish as well.

Sounds like their having a hard time making up their minds.

There is also a female version, by the way. Her name is Annabelle. Once again, not totally sure why.

Derby County – Ewie

Well, I guess it helps to know that Derby are the Rams. I can forgive your not knowing that as DCFC has only been up once in the Premier League … for one whole year.

And, of course, they do have an actual ram as their main mascot.

As to why a ram, it’s a long story. The associated history includes pagan rituals, a popular song, and the local regiment. The city commemorated the association with this monstrosity:

BEES, WASPS, ETC.

Watford – Harry the Hornet

Sounds like Harry here might be the EPL’s answer to MLB’s San Diego Chicken. The latter was the first mascot to do more than just wave at the crowd – you know, making fun of umpires, diving into bases, doing full-on comedy sketches …

As for Harry, at least he tried. Turns out one of his pranks – diving when opponent Wilfred Zaha walked by – was not well received. Manager Roy Hodgson called him “disgraceful.” Zaha’s club, Crystal Palace, went so far as to out who was playing Harry, who ultimately had to resign. 

Clever move there, Harry

Previously, Harry was called the “high priest of English football, and the greatest mascot in the Premier League.” These days, he’ll have to be happy with being a “cheeky and charismatic fellow.”

There is a rather spiffed-up version of Harry in the middle of Watford itself:

And here’s a toy version that makes Harry look spiffed-up.

Interestingly, the Hornet nickname dates back to only 1959. Previously, the team had been the Blues (with kits to match). Sounds like Harry himself dates back to the 90’s.

Brentford – Buzzette

Brentford FC was founded in 1889. They’ve been known as the Bees since the 1890s. 
I assumed the name simply went along with the “b” in Brentford. Wikipedia, though, tells me another story.

“The nickname was unintentionally created by students of Borough Road College in the 1890s, when they attended a match and shouted the college's chant ‘buck up Bs’ in support of their friend and then-Brentford player Joseph Gettins. Local newspapers misheard the chant as ‘Buck up Bees’ and the nickname stuck.”

Well, same theory at one remove, I guess.

I’m choosing Buzzette here because of her hairdo. There is, of course, a male mascot, known inimitably as Buzz (or Buzz Bee, to give him his formal name).

He dates back to 1998, with Buzzette being introduced in 2007.

And here’s the lovely couple together, rocking Brentford’s away kit.

Burnley – Bertie Bee

Hamburglar, is that you?

Close enough. Just add a hat and tie and we’re golden.

Well, looks like we’ve got another “clever” play on initials here. At the same time, I thought Burnley were known as the clarets, from their unis.

Well, I’m not sure what kind of mascot a “claret” would make. Maybe a nice bottle of Bordeaux? I don’t know. 

Sure enough, the Internet really does have everything.

A couple of stripes, a happy face, big eyes, and bob’s your uncle.

Luckily, Bertie is not forced to go through life alone, but has a partner, Bella.

They’re a little hard to tell apart. Just look for the very subtle hair bow and eyelashes.

BIRDS

Swansea City – Cyril the Swan

Ohmigod! Cyril, are you okay? I don’t think I've seen another … anything quite so depressed.

Well now, this one’s pretty obvious, innit? No guessing where this one came from.

The challenge, though, is coming up with a believable mascot. I mean, that neck is so distinct that it’s going to have to be incorporated somehow.

But how to manage it without coming up with something terrible like Cyril? Honestly, that neck is going to weigh a ton. How to keep it upright?

Cyril’s mate, Cybil, seems to ditch the whole issue entirely, looking instead like a chicken, or perhaps a duck.

Like a real swan, Cyril’s a little on the aggressive side. He’s head-butted a referee, attacked other mascots and a rival coach, and even incited a riot. He’s gotten a 4-figure fine and been banned from the sidelines. That said, he has also been voted Britain’s top mascot.

Newcastle United – Monty and Maggie

Monty and Maggie are supposed to be magpies. If you’ve never heard of those, they are very crow-like birds but with some white mixed in.  

This one comes straight from Newcastle’s traditional kit. 

Before Monty, Newcastle had an actual human, Peter Anderson (no relation).

Liverpool – Mighty Red

If you’ve never heard of a magpie, I’m sure you’ve never heard of a liver bird. The latter is that weird-looking creature on the LFC coat of arms.

It appears on the city coat of arms as well.

What exactly it is is another matter entirely. It could be a cormorant, or a spoonbill, or something mythical. Whatever it is seems to be lost in the mists of time.


WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS

Coventry City – Sky Blue Sam

I think it’s supposed to be an elephant. I must admit, though, he’s looking more than a little worse for wear. Lookin’ a little better here.

Now, the color isn’t too mysterious. It’ what the team wears, and they are in fact often called the “Sky Blues.”

I still have a couple of questions though. First, why that color? 

Well, it turns out that Coventry was famous for a cloth that was dyed with woad (a kind of plant) and came out this exact color. Second, the color was famous for not fading. It is, in fact, where we get the expression “true blue.” A variant of it is “true as Coventry blue.” 

Now, about that elephant …  As with the liver bird, we’ll be looking again to the city’s coat of arms.

Why it’s there, though, is a bit confusing. Suffice it to say that it goes way back, and may actually – once again – be lost to history. Coventry has surely adopted it, though, including building a sports center that’s supposed to look like one.
 

Wigan – Crusty the Pie

I’m not sure what I like better – that it’s a pie or that its name is Crusty.

Well, there’s also the fact that it was designed by two grade schoolers, as part of a contest. Why a pie? According to the two, “We designed Crusty like this because everyone in Wigan loves pies. It took us about 30 minutes or an hour to design – it took a long time to choose the exact colours.”

What’s really interesting is that over half of the entries were pies. Indeed, Wigan is famous for its pies, with its denizens are known colloquially as “pie-eaters.” The city has over 20 pie shops, and is also home to the World Pie-Eating Championship. They’re also known for the “pie barm,” a pie between two buns of bread.

Crusty dates back to only the 2019/20 season, but already seems to be a big hit. 


Wimbledon – Haydon the Womble

Okay. Now we’re just making shit up.

Hard to believe, but Hayden’s derived from a series of children’s books. Written by Elizabeth Beresford, and dating only back to the 1960s and 70s, the books feature a bunch of burrowing creatures who live under Wimbledon Common.

The books were followed by a TV show and a band.

“Haydon” comes from the Haydon’s Road train stop, the nearest to Wimbledon FC’s stadium. It was actually picked by Beresford herself. 

Haydon’s been around since 2006. Wimbledon’s previous mascot was a Womble as well, but with the name of Wandle (after the local river). He and Haydon get together occasionally. 

Wandle left, Haydon right

Manchester City - Moonchester

Our first clue here is that City’s song is Blue Moon. Given that, I’m guessing that Moonchester is some kind of extraterrestrial “moon man.”

This very kid-friendly character made his debut in 1996. He’s sold more than his fair of merch in that time.

His female partner, Moonbeam, was introduced in 2001.

Arsenal - Gunnersaurus

Gunnersaurus looks like a pretty obvious copy of MLB’s Philly Phanatic.

Now, Gunnersaurus is, technically, a dinosaur. Other than that, though, they’re really just two fat green blobs.

Gunnersaurus is another result of a contest for kids. Eleven-year-old winner Peter Lovell just so happened to love both Arsenal and dinosaurs. 

The real Gunnersaurus actually made a surprise appearance at Peter’s wedding. 

As with Moonchester, Gunnersaurus has sold a lot of merch. Interestingly, he’s also made an appearance on DeviantArt, looking a lot less kid-friendly.

Sadly, the mascot was let go as part of Covid cost-cutting measures. Player Mesut Ozil offered to pay his salary before Gunnersaurus was reinstated.

West Brom – Boilerman

Well, I guess Purdue are the Boilermakers, so why not a boilerman?

That said, perhaps there was a better way to represent that than a simple box. I mean, Purdue features some sort of blue-collar, hard-hat sort of dude.

Should be easy enough, right? Maybe something a bit old-timey, to reflect the era when West Brom was founded (1878).

Stop the presses … I’ve just learned, unfortunately, that Boilerman has absolutely nothing to do with West Brom’s history as an industrial center. Instead, it’s simply a money-grubbing deal they made with Ideal Boilers, a company based in Hull, of all places.

If nothing else, Boilerman is at least very true to life (so to speak). 

Thankfully, West Brom already had a mascot, Baggie Bird.

Couple of things to explain here. First, the bird is a throstle (another nickname for the team), a kind of songbird that supposedly was common where the club built their stadium. 

As for Baggie, it’s another nickname for the team (and its supporters) and supposedly comes from the baggie pants and/or shorts the team and/or supporters liked to wear.

It looks like there’s a mate for Baggie as well. Her name is Albi.

Not totally sure who’s who however

Can’t end this without a special callout to Partick Thistle, a Scottish club, whose mascot (Kingsley) has to be seen to be believed.

Premier League Boobie Prizes

Everybody knows who the winningest teams are, the greatest players, the biggest matches, etc. Well, how about on the other side? What’s the worst?

Two points of methodology:

• There are only 20 teams in the EPL at any one time, so I’m expanding my data set to include any team that has played in the EPL since its inception in 1992.
• I’m focusing on the stuff that doesn’t really matter – club names, mascots, logos, etc.

Stupidest Club Name

Sheffield Wednesday - nothing else even comes close.

Now, if you’re familiar with this club, you may also be familiar with how that name came about. It’s really pretty simple …

Sheffield Wednesday took their name from a local cricket club that just so happened to play their games … drum roll, please … on Wednesdays. Both the cricket and football clubs are some of the oldest out there (1820 and 1867, respectively), by the way.

The team was originally known as the Wednesday Football Club. They switched to Sheffield Wednesday to distinguish themselves from Sheffield United.

Interestingly, their mascot is an owl. And that undoubtedly came from their move to a suburb called Owlerton.

 

Dumbest Nickname

Boy, there sure was a lot of competition for this. You’ve got your West Brom Baggies, AKA the Throstles. You’ve got your Wimbledon Wombles (though they became the Milton Keynes Dons in 2004).  You’ve got your Portsmouth Pompey (after a nickname for the city itself). And you’ve got your Reading Biscuitmen (from local biscuit makers Huntley & Palmer).

I’ve got to go, though, with the Everton Toffeemen. Now, there happens to be no large toffee factory in Everton. I checked. There are, though, a couple of shops near the stadium that sold the treat. Really, though, it’s all a bit of a mystery.

However it came about, Everton embraced it. They even went so far as to have a girl go around the stands before a game tossing sweets into the crowd.

So cute! 

Unfortunately, those sweets were Everton mints. And that’s a kind of candy that is pure sugar and has absolutely no toffee inside them whatsoever. Go figure.

Guess they should have been called the Mintmen, or the Minters, or the Minty Boys, or something like that.

Goofiest Grounds

More stiff competition here as well. This time, though, I think I’m going to give everyone a gold star.

• Bolton – Toughsheet Comm Stadium. What the heck is “toughsheet”? Actually, it’s a brand of building products. Kind of like a British Tyvek, I would imagine.
• Bradford – Valley Parade. Named after the neighborhood in which the grounds were sited. The neighborhood, in turn, was named after a flat area (i.e., perhaps used as a parade ground) nestled in a valley.
• Fulham – Craven Cottage.  Was built on the site of an old hunting lodge, built by the 6^th Lord Craven, in 1780. After that succumbed to fire in 1888, Fulham FC moved in.

As for that last one, I’ve got 2 fun facts:

• Author Edward Bulwer-Lyton lived in the cottage for awhile
• Fulham’s nickname are, of course, the Cottagers 

One of the quainter grounds out there

Dorkiest Logo

Once again, we’ve got a couple of candidates. Bolton’s, for instance is just super lame:

And Bournemouth’s is just plain weird:

Watford’s, though, really takes the cake.

Why, for example, is there a moose on it? I mean, the team’s nickname is the Hornets after all, right? And why is that moose red? Finally, why is that moose so poorly drawn?

Well, the Interwebs can explain it all.  First, that thing is a hart, a male red deer. These animals, which are native to Britain, look primarily like an elk. Also, they’re not quite as bright red as on the logo. To wit:

As for why that’s on the logo in the first place, the Internet is telling me it’s on the coat of arms for Herefordshire, where Watford is located. Except that’s actually - and no mistake about it - a bull:

Thanks for nothing, Interwebs.

Lamest Motto

Not every club has a motto. Those that do typically have something in Latin. They usually equate to something boring and predictable like “Skill and Work” (Blackburn), “Pride in Battle” (Man City), and “Wisdom and Courage” (Sheffield Wednesday).

Swindon Town seems to have the best one here, Salubritas et Industria. And if you’re Latin’s a little rusty, that means “Health and Industry.” Now, that also happens to be the motto of Swindon itself. It speaks, of course, for the heavy industry in the area, but also for Swindon’s being a model for the NHS. Not so sure, though, that that’s a such a great choice for their football club.

BTW, that’s supposed to be a robin (a nickname for the team) in the upper left quarter

Worst Unis

Not counting away kits or 3^rd colors here, as those can be all sorts of craziness (and seem to change every season besides). Home unis, though, seem to stick around forever.

Once again, I’m having a hard time picking choosing from among several candidates. So, here they are:

• Blackburn – look like jockeys
• Sheffield – kinda like gondoliers
• Stoke – a definite barbershop quartet vibe
• Newcastle – look exactly like basketball refs

And here’s what they actually look like, in order:

Most Embarrassing EPL Mascots

Wow! There are so many of these. I’m going to have to come up with a separate post. Stay tuned.

The Real Streets of Monopoly

Everybody’s familiar with them – Oriental Avenue, Marvin Garden, Park Place … Not everyone, though, knows these are real places. Yup, Atlantic City has them all.

Of course, they’re not the same streets they were back when Monopoly first came out, in the 1930s. Atlantic City has fallen on some pretty hard times, both before and after gambling was legalized.

Let’s take a look at what those streets look like today.

 

Mediterranean Avenue

Baltic Avenue

Oriental Avenue

 

Vermont Ave.

That's the boardwalk at the end of the street

Connecticut Ave.

Is that really a church???

St Charles Place

This street actually does not exist anymore. It was replaced in full by the Showboat Casino.

 

States Ave.

Virginia Ave.

St James Place.

Tennessee Ave.

It says "laundromat"

New York Ave.

Kentucky Ave.

Yup, those are homeless.

Indiana Ave.

 

Illinois

Illinois doesn’t exist anymore. It is now MLK Blvd.

 

Atlantic Ave.

Ventnor Ave.

Yup, that's an Alcoholics Anonymous

Marvin Gardens

Actually not in Atlantic City at all, but in Margate City, two towns over. Also, it’s properly spelled “Marven.”

Pacific Ave.

North Carolina Ave.

Pennsylvania Ave.

 Yup, that does appear to be an abandoned church.

 

Park Place

Hard to believe, but I didn’t find any shots of desolation here. And that’s partly because 1) it’s so darn short, and 2) it’s still a very nice part of town.

 

Boardwalk

How English Is the EPL?

Well, it is the English Premier League. And all of the teams are in England.

At the same time, it’s also the most competitive league in the world. And I’m sure you can think of many players – and coaches – who are definitely not English.

So, let’s take a look see …

NOTE:  I do realize England does not include Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, or even the Isle of Man. Nevertheless, I will be including them here. It's just going to make it all so much simpler.

Ownership

This seems like the most obvious play to start. I mean, they’re all oil sheiks, aren’t they?

Surprisingly, it’s the US, with 40%. They also seem to have cornered most of the heavy hitters – MANU (the Glazer family), Liverpool (John Henry), Chelsea and Arsenal. There are, though, several smaller clubs – Fullham, Palace, Bournemouth …

The UK, though, does come in second behind them, with 25%. The biggest team here is undoubtedly Tottenham, with others including smaller clubs like West Ham, Brighton, and Brentford.

The only other country that isn’t a one-off is Saudi Arabia. They’ve been plowing their petro cash into Newcastle and Sheffield. The former is owned by SA’s sovereign fund, with the latter controlled by a member of the royal family.

One Prince Abdullah, to be exact

Oil money is, of course, also funding Man City, owned by a consortium from the UAE. Other one-offs include China (Wolves), Egypt (Villa), Monaco (Everton), and Greece (Forest).

Not too surprisingly, UK ownership gets larger for the lesser leagues:

• Championship – 33%
• League One – 85%
• League Two – 85%

Managers

Another obvious place to look is managers. They seem to be from all over Europe – Klopp, Ten Hag, Guardiola … And off the top of my head, the only English one I can think of is Roy Hodgson (though I forget which club he’s with this year). 

Well, at least the UK has a plurality here, at 35%. This does, indeed, include Hodgson, at Palace. The rest, though, are neither well-known nor at the top clubs. As for the former, David Moyes and Sean Dyche are the only ones I’m familiar with. As for the latter, we’ve got Everton, Newcastle, Wolves …

Roy Hodgson, CBE

The #2 position here is held by Spain, at 20%. And that includes Man City (Guardiola), Arsenal (Arteta), Villa, and Bournemouth. Spain shares the Iberian Peninsula with Portugal, the only other country that has multiple managers in the EPL, with 2.

There are as many one-offs as there are English managers. These include some heavy hitters – Germany (Klopp), the Netherlands (Ten Hag), Argentina (Chelsea), as well as Belgium, Denmark, and even Australia. A little surprised Italy only had one.

Herr Doktor Klopp

As for the other leagues, the same rule holds as for ownership, but even more so:

• Championship – 54%
• League One – 92%
• League Two – 96%

Sponsorship

Sponsorships are funny. There are a number of them. The most obvious one, though, is what appears on the jersey. So, let's go with that.

This one comes closest to a majority, with UK companies representing 45% of the total. Interestingly, most of those are gambling operations, typically set up on the Isle of Man (and representing Chinese money, where gambling is illegal). I’d say the only really well-known British company here is Liverpool’s Standard & Chartered, an insurance company. They’ve actually sponsored the club since 2010.

The US and the UAE both have 2 sponsorships. For the US, this includes the well-known Amex (Brighton) and the rather obscure Infinite Athlete (Chelsea). For the UAE, we’ve got 2 airlines, Emirates (Arsenal) and Etihad (Man City).

One-offs represent 35% of the total, and are kind of all over the place. We’ve got Germany (TeamViewer, MANU) and the Phillipines (Dafabet, Bournemouth). There’s China (Tottenham, AIA) and South Africa (Hollywood Bets, Brentford).

As you can tell from some of those companies, betting is important here as well. Indeed, 40% of all sponsors make their money off of gambling. The 2026 season will change all that, though, when betting companies will not be allowed.

Sorry, no easy place to access the sponsorships for the other leagues.

Clubs

Well, I guess one final place to look is at the players themselves. Now, I’m not going to do this for all 20 teams. Even I have (something) of a life.

I thought what I might do, though, is look at the top and bottom clubs, and see what we get. For Liverpool, it looks like this.

For them, it looks like almost half (41%) are one-offs. These include some stars as well – namely, Salah (Egypt) and Darwin Nunez (Uruguay).

Nice hair, dude

The UK does come in 2^nd, though, at 30%. The only star here, however, is Trent Alexander-Arnold.

Spain and the Netherlands both have 3 players (11% each), with Virgil van Dijk being the only real name. Brazil has two, with Alisson being the much better known one.

On the other hand, of the clubs lowest 6 in minutes played, 5 are Brits. The top 6 in minutes played are all foreigners.

Now let’s take a look at the bottom of the table – namely, Sheffield.

As you can see, we do have a majority of Brits. Though I can’t say I know any Blades, I do see that their top 10 in minutes played include 6 Brits. Among the others are a Yank, Brazilian, Dutchman, and Bosnian. On the other hand, the bottom 12 also includes 10 Brits.

It’s true!