Funny Names from the NFL Draft

It’s that time again. There are over 250 players, so there’s gonna be a good chance there will be some interesting names out there. Let’s give it a go …

#13 – Nehemiah Pritchett
Auburn, CB 
SEA – Rd 5, Pick 1 (136)

A Nathaniel Hawthorne character if I ever heard one …

Football stuff – 4-year starter / wore #1 / appearance in Senior Bowl / was a “rotational nickle” in 2021 (whatever that means)

Fun facts – liberal arts major / likes playing video games / goes by king_mighty1 on both X and Instagram

#12 – Decamerion Richardson
Miss State, CB
LV – Rd 4, Pick 12 (112)

So, Cameron wasn’t good enough for you?

Football stuff – led all CBs with an 88 athleticism score at the NFL Combine / has “oustanding frame potential” (whatever that means) / is a “highly traitsy prospect” (ditto)

Fun facts – Honor Roll student / Interdisciplinary Studies major / likes to ride horses in his spare time / cousin of NFLer Devin White

#11 – Mekhi Wingo
LSU, DT
DET – Rd 6, Pick 13 (189)

Mekhi? Wingo? Mehki Wingo?

Football stuff – team captain / 3rd team All American / formerly at Mizzou / “disruptive penetrator as a three-tech” (whatever that means)

Fun facts – “undersized” at 6’ and 284 lbs / just turned 21 / is from St Louis (Mississippi) 

#10 - Tanor Bortolini
Wisconsin, C
IND – Rd 4, Pick 17 (117)

Hey, my favorite kind of pasta!  I just love me some baked bortolini bolognese.

Football stuff – trained with Duke Manyweather (whoever he is) / “generates eye-catching one-step burst into contact” (whatever that means) / “has the flexibility to flip back inside and seal defenders inside the A-gap on reach blocks” (ditto)

Fun facts – Academic All Big Ten 3 years running / Real Estate and Urban Land Economics major / native of Germany 

#9 - Delmar Glaze
Maryland, OT
LV – Rd 3, Pick 13 (77)

Weird, unusual last name, meet weird, unusual & hoplessly out of date first name.

Football stuff – Senior Bowler / 3rd-team All Big Ten / “lack of twitch and range on an island showed up against Penn State edge-rusher Abdul Carter this season” (whatever that means)

Fun facts – Family Life major / is from my hometown (Charlotte, NC)

#8 - TJ Tampa
Iowa State, CB
BAL – Rd 4, Pick 30 (130)

And he wasn’t drafted by the Bucs???

Football stuff – 3rd-team AP All American / 1st-team All Big 12 / Nagurski & Thorpe awards finalist 

Fun facts – is from St Pete! / had scholarship offers for basketball as well

#7 - Christian Mahogany
BC, OG
DET – Rd 6, Pick 34 (210)

Wait til you see his brothers Islamic and Jewish!

Football stuff – 1st-team All ACC / “pad level suffers from inability to play with consistent bend” (whatever that means)

Fun facts – finance major / grad student in the Carroll School of Mgmt / nickname is “Dirtbag”

#6 - Kool-Aid McKinstry
Alabama, CB
NO – Rd 2, Pick 9 (41)

Has a brother named Hawaiian-Punch and a sister named Crystal-Light.

Football stuff – 1st-team All American / semifinalist for the Jim Thorpe Award / “confident to handle business on an island and is able to stay in phase as the route travels vertically” (whatever that means) 

Fun facts – real name is Ga’Quincy / nicknamed by his grandmother who thought his smile reminded her of the Kool-Aid Man / signed an NIL deal with Kool-Aid as a freshman 

#5 - Zak Zinter
Michigan, OG
CLE – Rd 3, Pick 21 (85)

Zounds!  Gotta love the alliteration on this one.

Football stuff – unanimous 1st-team All-American / team captain

Fun facts – 2-time Academic All American / grad of Boston prep school Buckingham Browne & Nichols / also did shotput in HS / wrote a children’s book called The Men Up Front

#4 - T’Vondre Sweat
Texas, DT

TEN - Rd 2, Pick 6 (38)

I hope that’s pronounced “sweet.”

Football stuff – Outland Trophy winner / unanimous 1st-team All American / heaviest defensive player in the NFL at 362 lbs

Fun facts – honor roll student & on the Big 12 All Academic team / brother Josh is with the Eagles 

#3 - Ruke Orhorhoro
Clemson, DT
ATL – Rd 2, Pick 3 (35)

Rotsa ruck in the NFL, Ruke!

Football stuff – 3rd-team All ACC / played football for the 1st time in his junior year of HS

Fun facts – real 1st name is Oghenerukevwe / from Nigeria / also lived in England / just got a masters in Athletic Leadership

#2 - Sedrick Van Pran-Granger
Georgia, C
BUF – Rd 5, Pick 6 (141)

Nazi villain if I ever heard one …

Football stuff – 1st-team All SEC / team captain / finished college career with 44 consecutive starts / “has the hand quickness, placement and play strength to scrap against the nose” (whatever that means)

Fun facts – art major / mother’s name is Keon Van Pran-Wiltz

#1 - Qwan’tez Stiggers
Toronto Argonauts (CFL), CB
NYJ – Rd 5, Pick 41 (176)

As if Stiggers wasn’t bad enough ...

Footbal stuff – did not play college football (?!?!) / played in Fan Controlled Football (FCF), a livestreaming indoor American football league, before heading to the CFL / CFL’s Most Outstanding Rookie

Fun facts – middle name is London / supported himself by working at Walmart, washing cars, selling cars, delivering food, and changing oil 

Most Embarrassing EPL Mascot

Last month, I tackled the worst of the EPL – nicknames, kits, logos, etc. I was going to include mascots, but it turns out that there are just so many of them that are cringeworthy that I just had to give them their own post.

MISCELLANEOUS

Barnsley – Toby Tyke

Now, to unpack it all …

Let’ start with “tyke.” That’s actually a nickname for a Yorkshireman (where Barnsley’s located), so that at least makes some sense.

As for the dog bit, looks like we’ve got another Yorkshire stereotype here. Seems the prototypical Yorkshireman was never seen without his flat cap and his whippet. What he did with his whippet, I’m not entirely certain.

That said, Toby does not exactly look like a whippet. Oh well, I guess those aren’t cute enough, and any old mutt will do.

As for “Toby,” I haven’t a clue. Maybe it’s just a matter of alliteration. 

Before Toby, the Barnsley mascot was Amos & the Donkey. In fact, the two were the first mascot in English soccer, starting in 1909. Unfortunately, the donkey was run over by a bus in 1937.

Bournemouth – Cherry Bear

It’s the eyes, isn’t it?

Bournemouth are famously known as the Cherries, undoubtedly because of their bright red unis. And that, supposedly, comes from the area’s association with cherry orchards.

What do bears have to do with all this? Haven’t a clue.

It does sound like Charley Cherry may have been a previous mascot, but I’m not totally sure. Here’s a mascot from 10 years ago, though he’s still called Cherry Bear.

A little bit more bear-like, this one. I mean, the current one does look a lot like Toby Tyke.
This one, from about 5 years ago, is also more bearish as well.

Sounds like their having a hard time making up their minds.

There is also a female version, by the way. Her name is Annabelle. Once again, not totally sure why.

Derby County – Ewie

Well, I guess it helps to know that Derby are the Rams. I can forgive your not knowing that as DCFC has only been up once in the Premier League … for one whole year.

And, of course, they do have an actual ram as their main mascot.

As to why a ram, it’s a long story. The associated history includes pagan rituals, a popular song, and the local regiment. The city commemorated the association with this monstrosity:

BEES, WASPS, ETC.

Watford – Harry the Hornet

Sounds like Harry here might be the EPL’s answer to MLB’s San Diego Chicken. The latter was the first mascot to do more than just wave at the crowd – you know, making fun of umpires, diving into bases, doing full-on comedy sketches …

As for Harry, at least he tried. Turns out one of his pranks – diving when opponent Wilfred Zaha walked by – was not well received. Manager Roy Hodgson called him “disgraceful.” Zaha’s club, Crystal Palace, went so far as to out who was playing Harry, who ultimately had to resign. 

Clever move there, Harry

Previously, Harry was called the “high priest of English football, and the greatest mascot in the Premier League.” These days, he’ll have to be happy with being a “cheeky and charismatic fellow.”

There is a rather spiffed-up version of Harry in the middle of Watford itself:

And here’s a toy version that makes Harry look spiffed-up.

Interestingly, the Hornet nickname dates back to only 1959. Previously, the team had been the Blues (with kits to match). Sounds like Harry himself dates back to the 90’s.

Brentford – Buzzette

Brentford FC was founded in 1889. They’ve been known as the Bees since the 1890s. 
I assumed the name simply went along with the “b” in Brentford. Wikipedia, though, tells me another story.

“The nickname was unintentionally created by students of Borough Road College in the 1890s, when they attended a match and shouted the college's chant ‘buck up Bs’ in support of their friend and then-Brentford player Joseph Gettins. Local newspapers misheard the chant as ‘Buck up Bees’ and the nickname stuck.”

Well, same theory at one remove, I guess.

I’m choosing Buzzette here because of her hairdo. There is, of course, a male mascot, known inimitably as Buzz (or Buzz Bee, to give him his formal name).

He dates back to 1998, with Buzzette being introduced in 2007.

And here’s the lovely couple together, rocking Brentford’s away kit.

Burnley – Bertie Bee

Hamburglar, is that you?

Close enough. Just add a hat and tie and we’re golden.

Well, looks like we’ve got another “clever” play on initials here. At the same time, I thought Burnley were known as the clarets, from their unis.

Well, I’m not sure what kind of mascot a “claret” would make. Maybe a nice bottle of Bordeaux? I don’t know. 

Sure enough, the Internet really does have everything.

A couple of stripes, a happy face, big eyes, and bob’s your uncle.

Luckily, Bertie is not forced to go through life alone, but has a partner, Bella.

They’re a little hard to tell apart. Just look for the very subtle hair bow and eyelashes.

BIRDS

Swansea City – Cyril the Swan

Ohmigod! Cyril, are you okay? I don’t think I've seen another … anything quite so depressed.

Well now, this one’s pretty obvious, innit? No guessing where this one came from.

The challenge, though, is coming up with a believable mascot. I mean, that neck is so distinct that it’s going to have to be incorporated somehow.

But how to manage it without coming up with something terrible like Cyril? Honestly, that neck is going to weigh a ton. How to keep it upright?

Cyril’s mate, Cybil, seems to ditch the whole issue entirely, looking instead like a chicken, or perhaps a duck.

Like a real swan, Cyril’s a little on the aggressive side. He’s head-butted a referee, attacked other mascots and a rival coach, and even incited a riot. He’s gotten a 4-figure fine and been banned from the sidelines. That said, he has also been voted Britain’s top mascot.

Newcastle United – Monty and Maggie

Monty and Maggie are supposed to be magpies. If you’ve never heard of those, they are very crow-like birds but with some white mixed in.  

This one comes straight from Newcastle’s traditional kit. 

Before Monty, Newcastle had an actual human, Peter Anderson (no relation).

Liverpool – Mighty Red

If you’ve never heard of a magpie, I’m sure you’ve never heard of a liver bird. The latter is that weird-looking creature on the LFC coat of arms.

It appears on the city coat of arms as well.

What exactly it is is another matter entirely. It could be a cormorant, or a spoonbill, or something mythical. Whatever it is seems to be lost in the mists of time.


WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS

Coventry City – Sky Blue Sam

I think it’s supposed to be an elephant. I must admit, though, he’s looking more than a little worse for wear. Lookin’ a little better here.

Now, the color isn’t too mysterious. It’ what the team wears, and they are in fact often called the “Sky Blues.”

I still have a couple of questions though. First, why that color? 

Well, it turns out that Coventry was famous for a cloth that was dyed with woad (a kind of plant) and came out this exact color. Second, the color was famous for not fading. It is, in fact, where we get the expression “true blue.” A variant of it is “true as Coventry blue.” 

Now, about that elephant …  As with the liver bird, we’ll be looking again to the city’s coat of arms.

Why it’s there, though, is a bit confusing. Suffice it to say that it goes way back, and may actually – once again – be lost to history. Coventry has surely adopted it, though, including building a sports center that’s supposed to look like one.
 

Wigan – Crusty the Pie

I’m not sure what I like better – that it’s a pie or that its name is Crusty.

Well, there’s also the fact that it was designed by two grade schoolers, as part of a contest. Why a pie? According to the two, “We designed Crusty like this because everyone in Wigan loves pies. It took us about 30 minutes or an hour to design – it took a long time to choose the exact colours.”

What’s really interesting is that over half of the entries were pies. Indeed, Wigan is famous for its pies, with its denizens are known colloquially as “pie-eaters.” The city has over 20 pie shops, and is also home to the World Pie-Eating Championship. They’re also known for the “pie barm,” a pie between two buns of bread.

Crusty dates back to only the 2019/20 season, but already seems to be a big hit. 


Wimbledon – Haydon the Womble

Okay. Now we’re just making shit up.

Hard to believe, but Hayden’s derived from a series of children’s books. Written by Elizabeth Beresford, and dating only back to the 1960s and 70s, the books feature a bunch of burrowing creatures who live under Wimbledon Common.

The books were followed by a TV show and a band.

“Haydon” comes from the Haydon’s Road train stop, the nearest to Wimbledon FC’s stadium. It was actually picked by Beresford herself. 

Haydon’s been around since 2006. Wimbledon’s previous mascot was a Womble as well, but with the name of Wandle (after the local river). He and Haydon get together occasionally. 

Wandle left, Haydon right

Manchester City - Moonchester

Our first clue here is that City’s song is Blue Moon. Given that, I’m guessing that Moonchester is some kind of extraterrestrial “moon man.”

This very kid-friendly character made his debut in 1996. He’s sold more than his fair of merch in that time.

His female partner, Moonbeam, was introduced in 2001.

Arsenal - Gunnersaurus

Gunnersaurus looks like a pretty obvious copy of MLB’s Philly Phanatic.

Now, Gunnersaurus is, technically, a dinosaur. Other than that, though, they’re really just two fat green blobs.

Gunnersaurus is another result of a contest for kids. Eleven-year-old winner Peter Lovell just so happened to love both Arsenal and dinosaurs. 

The real Gunnersaurus actually made a surprise appearance at Peter’s wedding. 

As with Moonchester, Gunnersaurus has sold a lot of merch. Interestingly, he’s also made an appearance on DeviantArt, looking a lot less kid-friendly.

Sadly, the mascot was let go as part of Covid cost-cutting measures. Player Mesut Ozil offered to pay his salary before Gunnersaurus was reinstated.

West Brom – Boilerman

Well, I guess Purdue are the Boilermakers, so why not a boilerman?

That said, perhaps there was a better way to represent that than a simple box. I mean, Purdue features some sort of blue-collar, hard-hat sort of dude.

Should be easy enough, right? Maybe something a bit old-timey, to reflect the era when West Brom was founded (1878).

Stop the presses … I’ve just learned, unfortunately, that Boilerman has absolutely nothing to do with West Brom’s history as an industrial center. Instead, it’s simply a money-grubbing deal they made with Ideal Boilers, a company based in Hull, of all places.

If nothing else, Boilerman is at least very true to life (so to speak). 

Thankfully, West Brom already had a mascot, Baggie Bird.

Couple of things to explain here. First, the bird is a throstle (another nickname for the team), a kind of songbird that supposedly was common where the club built their stadium. 

As for Baggie, it’s another nickname for the team (and its supporters) and supposedly comes from the baggie pants and/or shorts the team and/or supporters liked to wear.

It looks like there’s a mate for Baggie as well. Her name is Albi.

Not totally sure who’s who however

Can’t end this without a special callout to Partick Thistle, a Scottish club, whose mascot (Kingsley) has to be seen to be believed.