totally random garbage: Billerina: Portmanteau Names for Power Couples Through History

Billary. Brangelina. Tomkat. Bennifer. Even Kimye. It’s such a wonderful and clever idea. I’m a little surprised that it hasn’t been used even more often.

From Days Past

Like historically. Actually, there were a few. Familiar with Desilu? How about Pickfair?

Desilu stood for Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball. It didn’t stand for them personally though, but for their production company instead.

Same thing with Pickfair. This was the name Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks, the original king and queen of Hollywood, gave to their mansion. No one ever actually referred to them in that way.

May I Also Suggest …

Like I said, there are just way too few of these things out there, especially historically. So, here are my suggestions to liven things up a little. In fact, I came up with no less than 50 of them. So, let’s get started …

#50 – Robert Browning & Elizabeth Barrett Browning …

… Elizarob? Elizabert is another possibility.

#49 – John Smith & Pocahontas …

… Pocajohn. Of course, Johontas has some possibilities as well.

BTW, that pic is indeed from the Disney movie.

#48 – Ted Hughes & Sylvia Plath …

… Tedylvia? Sylvited? Or, we could just go with last names, and call them the Plughes.

#47 – Paul McCartney & Linda Eastman …

… Paulinda. Why, of course!

#46 – Elizabeth II & Prince Phillip …

… Elizip? Philabeth? Elizalip? Philzabeth? Elizaphil?

#45 – William Masters & Virginia Johnson …

… Willinia, of course

#44 – Louis XVI & Marie Antoinette …

… Loumar? Marlou? Marilou? Any of these would work.

#43 – Joe DiMaggio & Marilyn Monroe …

… Joemar? Marijoe? Marjoe? Once again, these are all good.

Though I do believe that last one is taken.

#42 – Henry VIII & Ann Boleyn …

… Annery. Get it? Sounds kinda cockney, right? See what I did ‘ere? … Ah, never mind.

Oh, and yes, she was not the one who survived.

#41 – John & Abigail Adams …

… Abijohn. You know, like the capital of the Cote d’Ivoire? Er, the Ivory Coast? In Africa? … Oh, forget it.

And, yes, that pic is indeed from the HBO miniseries.

#40 – Tarzan & Jane …

… Tarjane. I’m afraid Janezan doesn’t even come close.

Yup, Disney again.

#39 – Prince Charles & Lady Diana …

… Charlana. I like it.

Too bad the whole thing didn’t turn out a little better.

#38 – Bert & Ernie …

… Bernie. And, wow, looks like somebody else already beat me to it!

#37 – Henry II & Eleanor of Aquitaine …

… Heleanor. So obvious, right?

#36 – Victoria & Albert …

… Vicbert? Albertoria? Victoribert?

#35 – Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow …

… Chrisneth? Gwnyis?

Sigh ... Another one that didn’t quite work out.

#34 – Mick Jagger & Jerry Hall …

…. Mickerry? Jermick? Jaggery? All sorts of possibilities.

#33 – Laurence Olivier & Vivien Leigh …

… Laurien? Vivience? Vivilaur? Lauriviv?

Wait a minute … How about last names? Sure enough, That gives us the incomparable Olivileigh.

#32 – Clark Gable & Carole Lombard …

Well, let’s do the last name thing again, shall we? And that would give us the priceless Gombard. Though, I must admit, Lomble isn’t too bad either.

#31 – Perseus & Andromeda …

… Persomeda? Androseus? Just remember to put the emPHASis on the correct sylLABle.

By the by … If you’ve forgotten your Greek mythology, Andromeda was the original damsel in distress (and a wonderful excuse to show the naked female form).

#30 – Othello & Desdemona …

… Othdemona? Desdethello? Hmm … I’m not so sure about these.

#29 – Orpheus & Eurydice …

… Orydice? Eurypheus? I like ‘em both.

And, yes, we’re back to Greek mythology again. Just to refresh your memory … Here’s a great Cliff Notes version from shmoop.com:

Orpheus and Eurydice get married, but later that night, Eurydice is bit by a snake and dies. So far, so terrible. Overcome with grief, Orpheus travels to the Underworld to bring her back to life. He convinces Hades and Persephone to let Eurydice go, but her release comes with a catch: Eurydice must walk behind him as they ascend to the upper world, and Orpheus is forbidden from looking at her. Seems easy enough, right?

Unfortunately, Orpheus is overcome with passion just as they reach the exit. He turns to look at Eurydice and she is immediately sent back to the Underworld – forever. Orpheus is devastated (again) and roams around Greece playing sad songs. Eventually, he is ripped to shreds by a group of drunken mad women.

Got it? Major bummer, huh?

#28 – Samson & Delilah …

… Samsilah works pretty well for me

#27 – Odysseus & Penelope …

… Odyssope? Peneleus?

#26 – Tom Brady & Gisele Bundchen …

… I’m thinking … Tomelle!

Talk about your Greek gods, huh?

#25 – Romeo & Juliet …

… Romiet? Juleo?

Hmm … This is the greatest couple of all time. You’d think they could get a little better nickname than these. Am I right?

#24 – Abelard & Heloise …

Abelise? Heloard? Habelard? Hello Ab?

Drawing a blank? It’s another pretty lengthy tale. These folks aren’t too bad at summing it all up though:

Almost one thousand years ago two people fell in love. Peter Abelard was the tutor of nineteen-year-old Heloise, and nearly twenty years her senior. It was a torrid affair, Heloise fell pregnant, and her guardian, Abbot Fulbert, plotted a hideous revenge. Abelard was seized and castrated. The lovers responded to this catastrophe by retreating into separate religious orders and seeking peace in the service of God.

Yup, you heard that right. Castrated …

#23 – Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos …

… Fermelda. Why, of course.

#22 – Tristan & Isolde …

… Tristolde. Easy. At the same time, though, there is something to say for Isostan. Or is that one of those former Soviet republics?

#21 – Lancelot & Guineverre …

… Lancevere? Guinelot?

#20 – Napoleon & Josephine …

… Napophine? Josoleon? Napolephine? Josepholeon?

#19 – Ronald & Nancy Reagan…

… Why, Roncy, of course.

#18 – Edward VIII & Wallis Warfield Simpson

… Wallward? Yup, Wallward.

#17 – Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson

… Tomela

I’m not sure who’s classier – Walward or Tomela?

#16 – Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward …

… Paulanne? Jopaul? Pauljo? Newwood? Woodman? It just goes on and on …

Hard to believe, but these two were actually marred for 50 years.

#15 – Franklin & Eleanor Roosevelt …

… Frankanor.

Hey, they were the original Billary, right? I’m sure that conservatives will appreciate that “franken” prefix.

#14 – John Lennon & Yoko Ono …

… Lennono. You know, like the computer?

#13 – Jay Z & Beyonce …

… Jayonce? Jay B? B Jay? Beyond Z?

#12 – Charles & Camilla …

…Charmilla. I’m surprise no else didn’t already think of this.

Let’s hope this one works out.

#11 – Bill & Melinda Gates …

… Billinda!

The pic? That’s their Stanford commencement address, 2014. I love it!

#10 – Georgia O’Keefe & Alfred Stieglitz …

… O’Keeflitz

Quite the May-December romance, by the way. There was 23 years between them.

#9 – Echo & Narcissus …

… Narco

In case you don’t remember, this is basically a story of unrequited love – in particular, what happens when you fall in love with a narcissist.

#8 – Frida Kahlo & Diego Rivera …