Meghan Markle – Five Clicks up from Trailer Trash?

Did you hear that one? Yup, some troll on MSNBC called poor Meghan that. It’s just the latest insult, though, from a very negative British press.

Personally, I think she’s charming and beautiful. I also support her and Harry’s brexit from the royal family. I mean, as a former British subject, I do appreciate the royals at times – when it’s done well, that is (Kate, William, George VI …). Boy, they sure do have some rotters though (Margaret, Andrew, the Duke of Windsor …), and generally come across as more than a little dysfunctional.

Now, Meghan has plenty of great qualities – charming, beautiful, smart, outspoken – but I was genuinely curious. What sort of stuff does she actually have in her closet? I mean, it’s probably not anything that any other normal person might be ashamed of (though there’s nothing normal about being a royal). But, is there anything there that the press could actually point to?  So, what I’m going to do is go as negative as I can, and see what I can find out there.

Career 

As you may know, Meghan Markle was an actress. So, unless she was Royal Shakespeare Company all the way, you know there’s going to be something there. I mean, actors and actresses have to start somewhere, right? And that means some roles and scenes that they’ll probably regret later, whether they end up as a duchess or not.

Sure enough, Meghan’s debut included a couple of soaps, including the classic General Hospital. Early non-speaking roles – that bane of all young thespians – include “student sitting on stage” and “hot girl.”

Even better, though, is her stint as a “briefcase girl” on Deal or No Deal. What is a “briefcase girl”? Well, as far as I can tell, it’s basically this particular show’s version of Vanna White.

As hinted at by that “hot girl” role, there’s also some risqué moments in Meghan’s career. Considering that she is indeed drop-dead gorgeous, that’s really not too surprising.

Among her 31 credits on IMDb, there’s one suggestive title, The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down. The movie is described as taking “you through a night of partying in L.A. Funny & somewhat outrageous, gives partiers helpful tips about which substances should not be mixed, how to approach potential hook-ups, avoid undesirables & basically have a good time without completely destroying yourself.” It is a TV movie, though, so I’m sure it’s pretty tame.

Less so, but still on TV, is Meghan’s simulating oral sex in a car, on Beverly Hills 90210. Oh dear! There’s also some pretty steamy scenes from Suits, the TV show she was primarily known for. And I have pictures!

Family

Poor Meghan’s career is nothing compared to her family however.

You’re probably aware that Meghan’s half African-American. That side, though, is squeaky clean, as far as I can tell. Par exemple, Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, was a very elegant presence at the royal wedding.

Doria was formerly a makeup artist (for TV), yoga instructor, travel agent, and social worker. Now, I can easily see Kate or Diana doing any of these jobs.

Doria’s parents – Meghan’s grandparents – were a little bit sketchier. Though the mother was a nurse, the father sold antiques at a flea market. And one generation back, we’ve got a bellhop and an elevator operator. Seeing as we’re talking about the Jim Crow era, though, those were fairly respectable occupations for African-Americans back then.

It’s Meghan’s father’s side of the family, the white side, where the problems lay. In fact, she is estranged from her father, as well as her step-brother and sister, which actually pretty much takes care of everybody.

So, let’s first take a look at Meghan’s father, Thomas Markel Sr. Like Meghan’s mother, he too worked in TV, as a lighting director and cinematographer, and in fact earned an Emmy. He’s also a bankrupt, having blown $750,000 he won in the California lottery.

Most shaming, though, is his bid to cash in on his brush with fame, with payments from paparazzi, talk shows, and tabloids. He is most famous for criticizing the royals and asking Meghan for money. Finally, he may also have faked a heart attack to get out of going to the royal wedding.

Next come Meghan’s step siblings, from Thomas’s first marriage, to Roslyn Loveless. Roslyn says Thomas cheated on her, used drugs, was abusive, and guilty of neglect.

Roslyn seems to have her act together but, unfortunately, her children do not. 

Meghan’s step-brother, Thomas Markle Jr., is an alcoholic and two-time divorcee, and has been arrested twice, once for domestic abuse. He, too, has been critical of Meghan in the media.

The step-sister, Samantha Grant, is a two-time divorcee, estranged from her own children, wants money from Meghan, but is also critical of her (her purported book is called The Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister). To top it all off, she’s being investigated for cyber-bullying (of Meghan).

And, finally, we’ve got her cousin, Tyler Dooley, son of Thomas Jr. He sells pot in California, and is also reality TV show actor (cashing in on you know who).

Poor Meghan. Compared to these losers, she’s looking just as much a princess as Kate.