Sunday, June 13, 2021

Going out with a Whimper: Actresses

Some people just don’t know when to quit – athletes, bands … actresses. Here are the worst final performances of some pretty famous members of that last group . Enjoy!

Methodology

  1. Googled “greatest actresses”
  2. Looked up their last feature film or TV movie on IMdB
  3. Kept a list of those with IMdB rating less than 5
  4. Ranked those here from best to worst


11.  Jane Russell, Cauliflower Cupids (4.9)

Age:  49

Role:  Nira DiLaurento, Johnny Stiletto’s widowed aunt and guardian

Synopsis:  Johnny Stiletto, crime godfather, decides to go straight so his beautiful daughter will be accepted by her boyfriend's wealthy society family. But Stiletto's mob, their rival gang and the boyfriend's money-grubbing family have other ideas.

Taglines:  A Laugh Riot!

After:  Couple of TV shows, Playtex ads

Died:  89



8. Ginger Rogers, Harlow (4.8)

Age:  54

Role:  Mama Jean Bello, Jean Harlow’s mother 

Synopsis:  Loosely based biography of 1930s star Jean Harlow as she begins her climb to stardom.

Tagline:  The Picture The World Has Been Waiting To See!

After:  4 TV shows, including Love Boat; Broadway; autobiography

Died:  83

With Carol Lynley


8. Elsa Lanchester, Die Laughing (4.8)

Age:  78

Role:  Sophie 

Synopsis:  A San Francisco cab driver finds himself in possession of a monkey that is carrying a formula for turning atomic waste into a plutonium bomb. He finds himself framed for a murder and chased all over town by people trying to get the formula.

Tagline:  As a singer, he's a killer. As a lover, he's a killer. As a killer, he's a lovely singer.  [The “he” is Robby Benson.]

Died:  84



8. Gloria Grahame, The Nestling (4.8)

Age:  57

Role:  Florinda Costello, ghost of the former madam

Synopsis:  A writer suffering from agoraphobia rents an isolated house so she can concentrate on her writing. She doesn't know that the house is a former brothel, and is inhabited by the ghosts of dead prostitutes.

Tagline:  A house that lives. And breathes terror.

Died:  57



7. Patricia Neal, Flying By (4.6)

Age:  83

Role:  Margie, George’s (Billy Ray Cyrus) mother 

Synopsis:  This musically driven drama follows a successful Real Estate developer who puts his marriage and business on the line when given the opportunity to follow his ultimate, life-long dream: music.

Tagline:  It's about the music

Died:  84



6. Eve Arden, Grease 2 (4.4)

Age:  75

Role:  Miss McGee, Principal of Rydell High

Synopsis:  A British student at a 1960s American high school must prove himself to the leader of a girls' gang whose members can only date greasers.

Tagline:  Grease is still the word!

After:  5 TV shows, including Falcon Crest

Died:  82



3. Ruth Gordon, The Trouble with Spies (4.2)

Age:  88

Role:  Mrs. Arkwright

Synopsis:  George Trent, a British spy, has gone incommunicado in Ibiza. Appleton Porter is sent to find out what happened to him.

Tagline:  The Most Bumbling Secret Agent Ever to Pack a Gun

After:  5 TV shows, including Falcon Crest

Died:  88



3. Lana Turner, Witches’ Brew (4.2)

Age:  64

Role:  Vivian Cross, Professor Cross’s wife

Synopsis:  Three women use witchcraft to further the careers of their respective professor husbands. When a higher position becomes available in the university, they turn on each other, and no one is safe.

After:  Couple of TV shows (The Love Boat and Falcon Crest)

Died:  74



3. Bette Davis, Wicked Stepmother (4.2)

Age:  81

Role:  Miranda Pierpoint

Synopsis:  A mother and daughter pair of witches wreaks havoc on a suburban family.

Tagline:  Beware of these "Bette Davis eyes"!

After:  Couple of TV shows

Died:  81

With Barbara Carrera


2.  Joan Crawford, Trog (3.9)

Age:  66

Role:  Dr. Brockton

Synopsis:  A sympathetic anthropologist uses drugs and surgery to try to communicate with a primitive troglodyte who is found living in a local cave.

Tagline:  From the boiling rage of a world hurled back one million years comes...

After:  Couple of TV shows

Died:  73



1.  Veronica Lake, Flesh Feast (2.4)

Age:  47

Role:  Dr. Elaine Frederick

Synopsis:  A ring of Nazis in Florida is in possession of the body of Adolf Hitler, and plan to revive him so they can take over the world.

Tagline:  Morbid horror in vivid COLOR

After:  Drinking herself to death

Died:  50


Next week - guys!

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