Tuesday, December 26, 2023

NFLers from Elite Schools

I did this once with baseball. The idea was to see who were the best players from the brainiest, most elite schools out there. So, why not do football?

One thing before we get started... So, to get on this list, you’re going to have to have some alumni actually make the NFL. And that eliminates MIT, Johns Hopkins, CMU, Emory, and Cal Tech.

Let’s see how the rest shake out.

 

Swarthmore

Ned Wilcox, OB

I always thought Swarthmore was a girls school. Bad on me. It was, though, one of the first co-educational institutions out there. Another thing that makes it unique is there is no grad school.

It’s one of the Little Ivys, and has been voted the top liberal arts school in the country a number of times. Alumni include five Nobel Prize winners and 11 MacArthur Foundation Fellows.

At one time, it was a big football school, along with the other private schools in the Northeast. In the early 1920s, though, the program was geared back in favor of academics. And in 2000, football was eliminated altogether.

Swarthmore has only 5 NFL alumni. I picked Ned Wilcox as the best of the 5 based solely on the number of games he played in – 26 total, 17 as a starter. He played for 2 years, 1926 and 1927, for the Frankford Yellow Jackets.

And, yes, that is indeed an NFL team. In fact, they won the championship in 1926, one of the years Wilcox played with them. Frankford is a suburb of Philadelphia, and the team was basically the first representative of Philly in the NFL. They folded in 1931, just 2 years before the Eagles entered the league.

That’s our man, last row, 2nd from the right


Georgetown

Augie Lio, OL/K/P

With due respect to Notre Dame and Boston College, Georgetown is the most elite Catholic school out there. This Jesuit-run school in DC was founded in 1789, and lists 28 Rhodes Scholars, 429 Fulbright Scholars, 8 billionaires, 2 Supreme Court Justices, 2 Presidents, and 14 foreign heads of state among their alumni. It’s also produced more U.S. diplomats than any other school.

I think we’re all familiar with their basketball team. Though the football team dates back to 1874 and made an Orange Bowl appearance in 1941, it’s seen some pretty hard times as of late. In fact, the program was suspended from 1951 to 1970. Offering no scholarships, they’ve only had one winning season since 2000.

That said, they do have a fair amount of NFL alumni – 59, to be exact.  Augie Lio is probably the best. He played for 7 years, from 1941 to 1947. An offensive lineman, he was also a kicker/punter, and was selected to the Pro Bowl twice.

Lio became an award-winning sportswriter after hanging up his cleats.

Fun fact:  Augie’s full name was Agostine Salvatore.


Univ of Chicago

Solly Sherman, QB

Probably the best university not on either coast, the University of Chicago has turned out an incredible 99 Nobel laureates. It was also the site of the first nuclear reactor and is the home of radiocarbon dating.

Interestingly, it was also once known for its football team. Coached by Hall of Famer Amos Alonzo Stagg, the Maroons were a founding member of the Big 10, winning 7 conference titles. The team was disbanded in 1939, however, in an attempt to emphasize academics. It was reinstated 30 years later, in Div III.

A local boy, Solly Sherman played for the University of Chicago and also for the Chicago Bears. Though he was with the latter for only 2 seasons (leaving to fight in WWII), he made the Pro Bowl for one of those. Probably his lasting legacy, though, was teaching the then-novel T formation to Sid Luckman (see below), who used it power a HoF career.

Solly, whose real name was Saul, lived to the ripe old age of 93. And, yes, he was indeed Jewish.


Tufts

Mark Buben, NT/DE

There are so many good schools in Boston that I think Tufts often gets overlooked. Like Georgetown, it’s known in particular for its international relations program. Alumni & faculty include 3 Nobel Laureates, 12 Pulitzer winners, 5 governors, 2 senators, 4 Emmy winners, 3 Oscar winners, 17 Fulbright scholars & 4 Rhodes scholars. Specific alumni include Jamie Dimon (head of Citibank), Pierre Omidyar (founder of eBay) & politician Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

The football team has fielded a team consecutively since 1874, have played in over 1,000 games & was a participant in what may have been the first football game ever, beating Harvard 1-0. They play today in Div III.

They’ve had 9 players make the NFL, mostly back in the 1920s. Their best player, though, is recent grad Mark Buben. He played from 1979 to 1981, getting in 35 games, mostly with the New England Patriots.

Fun fact:  Tufts sports teams are known as the Jumbos after one of donor PT Barnum’s elephants.


Williams

Scott Perry, DB

Williams is another of the Little Ivys. Dating back to 1793, its alumni include a president (Garfield), 9 Pulitzer Prize winners, 14 billionaires, 71 members of Congress, 22 governors & 40 Rhodes scholars. It’s been ranked the #1 national liberal arts by USNWR since 2004.

The football program dates back to 1881. The now Div III team has a huge rivalry with Amherst, with their matchup being called the Biggest Little Game in America.

Wiliams has sent 6 players to the NFL. Their top alum, Scott Perry, played for 5 years, mostly with the Bengals. His best year was 1978, when he made 3 interceptions, 2 of which he returned for touchdowns.

A true preppy (his middle name is Endecott), he went to the prestigious Kent School before heading to Williams. After the NFL, he started a career teaching elementary school.

Fun fact:  Williams teams are know as Ephs (pronounced “eefs”), after founder Ephraim Williams. Their mascot is a purple cow.


Princeton

Dennis Norman, C/OT

Don’t need to say anything about Princeton here. It’s currently the #1 school on USNWR rankings.

Like the rest of the Ivys, Princeton was pretty big-time football-wise, oh, about 100 years ago. The Tigers are generally credited with being in the first college football game, getting beaten by Rutgers 6-4. Between 1869 and 1929, they won 22 national titles. Since the official start of the Ivy League (in 1956), the Tigers have won 11 conference titles.

With all that history, it’s not too surprising that Princeton has sent 37 players to the NFL. Dennis Norman rates the highest, having played for 6 years total (from 2003 to 2009), mostly at center & mostly with the Chargers. Post football, he got an MBA at Penn, worked for McKinsey & is currently Senior Director for Product Strategic Planning at Cox Communications.


Middlebury

Stephen Hauschka, K

Middlebury is yet another of the Little Ivys. Dating back to 1800, the Vermont school’s alumni include 10 governors & 25 congressmen. A classic liberal arts school, it hosts the prestigious Bread Loaf Writer’s Conference. It’s also pretty well-known for being one of the most liberal schools around.

The football team dates back to 1893. Unfortunately, the program was disbanded in 1925, only coming back to life in 1959. Since then, though, the Panthers have been pretty successful in DIII, notching 4 league championships since 2000 & being the first team in their league to go undefeated.

Only 3 alumni have made it to the NFL, with Stephen Hauschka the only modern-era player. He played for 13 years, accounting for over 1,100 points. He was All Pro in 2013 and a Pro Bowl alternate in 2016. His longest field goal was 58 yards, the league leader in 2014.

Originally a soccer/lacrosse player at Middlebury, Hauschka tried out for the football team after getting cut from the soccer team and with the encouragement of some friends. He had actually never kicked a football before his sophomore year. A cum laude grad, as well as the son of a doctor and dentist, he turned dental school down to join the NFL.


McGill

Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, OT

McGill, located in Montreal, is basically Canada’s Harvard. Their alumni include 12 Nobel laureates, 147 Rhodes Scholars, 18 billionaires & 3 prime ministers.

And, yes, they do play football there. In fact, the Redbirds (formerly, the politically incorrect Redmen), have been playing since 1874, getting shut out by Harvard in their first game. Over the years, they’ve won 10 national (i.e., Canadian) championships. Things have been a little rough as of late, though, with the team having winless seasons in 2011 and 2012. They’ve gone 1-7 each of the last 3 years.

Though quite a few Redbirds have played in the CFL, only 3 have made the NFL. Probably the best is Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, who played from 2015 to 2022, mostly with the Chiefs. All told, he played in 60 games, all but a handful as a starter.

It’s what he’s done off the field, though, that really makes him special. And that includes getting an MD, getting a Masters from Harvard (in public health), being made a knight (of the National Order of Quebec), and winning a number of awards, including SI’s Sportsperson of the Year. BTW, he is the son of a former cabinet minister.

“So, Doc, I have this thing on my toe …”


Amherst

Freddie Scott, WR

Another Little Ivy, Amherst dates to back to 1821. The Massachusetts-based school has produced 6 Nobel Prize winners, 20 Rhodes Scholars, a president (Coolidge), a Chief Justice & 3 Speakers of the House of Representatives. USNWR has ranked it the #1 liberal arts college 10 times.

The Mammoths played their first football game in 1877. The Div III school is part of the Little Three, which also includes Williams and Wesleyan. As mentioned under Williams, the rivalry between the two is one of the best in the country.

Five alumni have made the NFL, with only one of those dating back to the early days of the league. The best of the modern players is probably Freddie Scott, who played for 10 years as a pro. During that time, he caught 262 passes for 4,270 yards.

Scott turned down medical school to play in the NFL. He now works for the Arkansas Department of Education. The Arkansas native also has a son who played in the NFL as well (though he went to Penn State).

Fun fact:  The Mammoths were formerly known as the Lord Jeffs, after Lord Jeffrey Amherst, for whom the school is named. Unfortunately, he’s the same guy who supposedly gave the Indians smallpox-infected blankets. The name Mammoths comes from a world-renown specimen in the college’s museum.


Washington University

Shelby Jordan, OT

Poor Washington U. Easily confused with George Washington (in DC) and the University of Washington (in Seattle), it’s often (and officially) called Washington University in St Louis.

That said, it’s one the best schools in the Midwest, and definitely the best in the Mississippi Valley. It’s known as one of the Hidden Ivies, and has been ranked as high as 11th (WSJ) and 24th (USNWR) in the nation.

The football program goes back to 1887. Two coaches, Weeb Ewbank & Jimmy Conselman, have actually made it to Canton. Fourteen players (Bears) have made it to the NFL, though only 1 in the last 70 years.

And that man is Shelby Jordan. He played in the NFL for 11 years in the 70s and 80s, getting in over 150 games. Originally a night school student at Washington U, he was convinced by the coaching staff to try out, eventually making the College Football Hall of Fame.

After football, he led a non-profit providing affordable urban housing. He passed away just a couple of years ago, age 70.


Cornell

Seth Payne, NT/DT

Our second Ivy! Unlike the other Ivys, Cornell is different in that in dates back to only 1865 and is a land-grant school (one of only a handful of private ones). Alums & faculty include 62 Nobel laureates, 33 Rhodes Scholars, 10 current Fortune 500 CEOs & 35 billionaires.

The football program got going in 1887, though intramural play began in 1869. The team, known as Big Red, has won 4 national championships & 3 Ivy League ones (since 1956 for the latter).

35 Cornellians have made it to the pros, with Seth Payne ranking #1. He played for 10 years, with Jacksonville & Houston, getting in over 120 games. He now hosts a sports radio show in Houston.


Yale

Calvin Hill, RB

Another Ivy, and one I probably don’t need to say much more about.

Yale was pretty much it during the early days of college football. The team dates back to 1872, with the Elis notching 26 national championships between that year and 1909. Overall, the program produced 2 Heisman Trophy winners, 100 consensus All-Americans & 28 College Football Hall of Fame inductees (including Walter Camp, the “Father of American Football”).

They haven’t done too badly in the modern era either. Since 1956, when the Ivy League officially got started, they’ve won 18 league championships. Their biggest rivalry is against Harvard, with that matchup being called simply “The Game.”

Of Yale’s 33 NFL players, Calvin Hill ranks #1. The 1969 Rookie of the Year played for 7 seasons, making the Pro Bowl 4 times. He totaled not quite 9,000 total yards rushing, and had 2 seasons with over 1,000 yards.

After retirement, Hill has been quite active, speaking regularly, serving on numerous boards, & being active in a number of different organizations. You may have heard of his son Grant, who picked a different sport to excel in.

Father & son


Rice

Frank Ryan, QB

I guess you could call Rice the Harvard of Texas. They’re currently ranked #12 according to Forbes and #17 according to USNWR. Alumni include Joyce Carol Oates, Larry McMurtry, Howard Hughes & 14 astronauts.

The Owls have been playing football since 1912. They have 8 conference championships, 13 bowl game appearances & 93 NFLers to their credit.

Frank Ryan is the most impressive of those – both for his pro career and academics. He played in the NFL for 13 years, made 3 Pro Bowls, and passed for over 1,000 completions and 16,000 yards.

He also earned a PhD at his alma mater and taught math there as well. In addition, he was appointed to Rice’s Board of Governors and was made the VP of external affairs.

Outside of Rice, Frank taught at Yale and was the AD there as well. He was also a CEO, and is on the boards of several companies and organizations. Finally, he was the IS director for the House of Representatives, effectively bringing them into the computer age.

Fun fact:  Temple, Florida Atlantic & Bryn Mawr are also called the Owls.


Harvard

Matt Birk, C/OT

Well, certainly don’t need to say anything about these guys.

What’s surprising is how good the football program once was. It began in 1873, with the Crimson notching 12 national championships between 1874 and 1919. Between 1889 and 1928, they had more than 80 first-team All-Americans. Even in modern times, they’ve done fairly well, coming away with 18 Ivy League titles.

30 Harvard alums have gone to the NFL, with Matt Birk probably being the best. He played for 14 years, mostly with the Vikings. He got in an impressive 6 Pro Bowls and was the Walter Payton Man of the Year in 2011.

Since retirement, Birk founded a Catholic school and became involved in politics (including running – unsuccessfully – for lieutenant governor in Minnesota).

Before and after


Vanderbilt

Jay Cutler, QB

Vanderbilt has been called the Harvard of the South (though Duke might disagree). The school has produced 54 members of Congress, 18 ambassadors, 13 governors, 8 Nobel Prize laureates, 2 Vice Presidents & 2 Supreme Court Justices. Less than 7% of applicants get in.

Being in the SEC, Vandy has some pretty strong sports programs. Being the only private school in the conference, though, has made it really hard to shine.

Before joining the SEC (as a founding member), the Commodores had a much better record. Starting play in 1890, they accounted for 14 conference championships & 6 national ones. They’ve been in 9 bowl games overall.

They’ve also had over 100 players make the NFL (113, to be exact). QB Jay Cutler ranks as the best. The 1st-rounder played for 12 years, making the Pro Bowl once. He is still the Bears’ leader in passing yards, touchdowns, attempts, and completions.

Fun fact:  Cutler was born in Santa Claus, IN.


Brown

Fritz Pollard, RB

Our next Ivy, Brown dates back to 1764, one of only 9 US colleges chartered before the American Revolution. Alumni include 11 Nobel winners, 27 Pulitzer Prize winners, 21 billionaires, 1 Supreme Court Chief Justice, 4 U.S. Secretaries of State, over 100 members of the US Congress & 58 Rhodes Scholars.

The football team dates back to 1878. No national championships, but they did have an undefeated season in 1926. They’ve won 4 Ivy League championships.

The Bears have sent 51 players to the pros, with Fritz Pollard the Brownies only Hall of Famer. Pollard was something of the Jackie Robinson of football, integrating the NFL way back in 1920. In total, he played for 6 years, getting in one Pro Bowl. He was also a coach, leading Lincoln Univ for a couple of years, and in the NFL for another couple as well.

Fun fact:  Yours truly had an uncle who was a back-up QB for the Brownies in the 1940s.


Dartmouth

Ed Healey, OL/TE

And yet another Ivy! Dating back to 1769, Dartmouth started out as a school for Native Americans. Its list of notable alumni include 170 members of Congress, 24 U.S. governors, 23 billionaires, 8 Cabinet secretaries and 81 Rhodes Scholars. Located in the middle of absolute nowhere, it’s the most rustic of the Ivys.

Big Green football dates back to 1879, with the first intercollegiate game (against Amherst) coming in 1881. Things were a little rough in the early days, with the team once losing 53-0 to Yale and 112-0 to Harvard. Things started looking up, though, with the Indians going 105-20-10 from 1901 to 1916. They’ve won 21 Ivy League titles, the most of any team.

Dartmouth has sent 42 alum to the NFL, with one, Ed Healey, making it to Canton. He played for 9 years in the 1920s, getting in 88 games. He was a 4-time Pro Bowler.

Fun fact:  My dad tried out for the team, but didn’t make it. He still had the scars to show for it though.


Duke

Sonny Jurgensen, QB

The other Harvard of the South. Dating back to 1838, Duke can claim 15 Nobel laureates, 50 Rhodes Scholars, 14 living billionaires & 1 president (Nixon). They have a 6% acceptance rate.

Though mostly known as a basketball school, Duke has some football highights as well, including 18 conference championships & 15 bowl appearances.

They also produced 3 NFL Hall of Famers. Probably the best of them is Sonny Jurgensen. He played for 18 years, made the Pro Bowl 5 times & led the league in total offense 4 times.

After hanging up the cleats, Sonny was a long-time announcer for the Skins.

Fun fact:  Yours truly went to Duke. I had nothing to do with the football program whatsoever, apart from attending a few games.

Still goin’ strong at age 89


Columbia

Sid Luckman, QB

Another Ivy, Columbia dates back to 1754.  Alumni include 7 Founding Fathers, 4 presidents, 34 foreign heads of state, 10 States Supreme Court justices, 103 Nobel laureates, 53 living billionaires, 125 Pulitzer Prize winners & a partridge in a pear tree.

The football program got started in 1870, and was involved in some of the first football games ever. They claim 2 national titles & 1 Ivy League championship. That said, the Lions are really bad. They’ve got a 373–633–43 record all-time. They also set a record when they went winless in 47 games, from 1983 to 1988.

Nevertheless, they did produce one Hall of Famer (out of 41 NFLers). Sid Luckman, a local boy from Brooklyn, helmed the Bears for 12 seasons. He won 4 championships with them, was a 5-time Pro Bowler & MVP in 1943.

After hanging up his cleats, he worked for the Bears org, then got into business, eventually running his own company. And, yes, he is Jewish too.

Fun fact:  Jack Kerouac came to Columbia on a football scholarship, breaking his leg in the first game he played.


Penn

Chuck Bednarik, C/NT

The fourth-oldest college in the country, Penn was actually founded by Benjamin Franklin. Its alumni list is truly impressive, and includes 8 signers of the Declaration, 7 signers of the Constitution, 3 presidents, 3 Supreme Court justices, 32 senators, 163 members of the House, 19 cabinet secretaries, 46 governors, and 9 foreign heads of state. It’s known in particular for its business school, Wharton, often ranked tops in the country.

The football team dates back to 1876, and notched 7 national championships back in the early days. In modern times, they’ve done pretty good as well, sharing the record for most Ivy titles with Dartmouth. Altogether, they've played the most football games of any program out there, with a grand total of 1,413.

Quaker alumni include John Heisman and John Outland, the namesakes of two important college trophies. Another alum, Chuck Bednarik, is the source for a trophy I had never heard of before, given to the best college defensive player in the country.

Another NFL Hall of Famer, Bednarik was a #1 pick in the 1949 draft. He played for the hometown Eagles for 14 years, and was the last player to play both offense and defense (and missing only 3 games over his entire career to boot). He was a member of 2 championship teams and was in 8 Pro Bowls.

Unfortunately, he’s remembered mostly for some on-field controversy. The most famous of these unfortunate incidents is something called simply “The Hit.” In it, he laid out running back (& future announcer and fellow Hall of Famer) Frank Gifford. It was the celebration over the unconscious player, though, that got him in trouble.  

Bednarik’s nickname, “Concrete Charlie,” actually came from his job as a concrete salesman in the offseason – and not just his bone-jarring tackles.


Northwestern

Otto Graham, QB

Another excellent school not on either coast, Northwestern claims 33 Nobel Prize laureates, 45 Pulitzer Prize winners, 23 MacArthur Fellows, 20 Rhodes Scholars, 10 living billionaires & 2 U.S. Supreme Court justices.

The football program dates back to 1876, though they only played their first intercollegiate game in 1882. Northwestern was a founding member of the Big 10, where they continue to play to this day. Overall, they’ve won 10 conference (or division) titles, and have been in 16 bowl games.

The Wildcats have sent not quite 200 players to the NFL (they’re 2 short). They also have 2 players in Canton as well. One is John “Paddy” Driscoll, a back in the 1920s.

The other is Otto Graham. Playing for the Browns for 10 years in the 40s and 50s, Graham had them in the championship game every year, winning the title 7 times. He was a Pro Bowler or All Pro for all but 1 one of those 10 years, and was MVP no less than 3 times.

Interestingly, Graham was also on a championship NBA team, making him one of only two people who have titles in multiple major sports. He also coached in college and the NFL (as well as being a GM in the latter).

Fun fact:  The other guy with multiple championships is Gene Conley, a journeyman pitcher & a benchwarmer in the NBA.


Stanford

John Elway, QB

Though only founded in 1885, Stanford has produced 58 Nobel laureates, 29 Turing Award winners, 74 living billionaires, and 17 astronauts. They also claim 1 president (Hoover) and the current PM of the UK (Rishi Sunak). Known in particular for entrepreneurship, companies founded by alumni currently gross $2.7 trillion in annual revenue.

The current football program is probably the best of the schools listed here. Overall, they can claim 20 conference and division titles and have appeared in 30 bowl games.

They’ve also sent 274 players to the NFL, including 4 Hall of Famers. The best of them is probably John Elway. He played for the Broncos for 16 years. The 6-time Pro Bowler also won the MVP and Walter Payton awards as well. Finally, Elway helmed the Broncos to 2 Super Bowl championships, being named MVP in one.

After his playing days were over, Elway stayed with the Broncos in a number of different roles, including GM.  

Fun fact: Elway was also drafted by the New York Yankees, playing one season of minor league ball for them.



Thursday, November 2, 2023

The Minor League Teams That Became Majors

When MLB got started, over a 120 years ago, there were only 16 teams, 8 per league. New ones were of course added, bringing the total to 30 today. Some of those clubs – both old and new – also moved operations to new cities.

None of this, though, happened in a vacuum. Each new major league team – whether brand new or  displaced  – came to a city with an existing baseball history.

Here are the minor league teams that those MLB teams replaced. I’m ranking them in order of increasing longevity.


Phoenix Firebirds (11 years)

Phoenix has fielded a baseball team for 131 years. Today, that includes the Arizona Diamondbacks, as well as a number of Arizona Fall League teams.

Before all that, though, there were several teams that called Phoenix home. The longest-lived was the Senators, who played very on and off from 1915 to 1953.

The most consistent team, though, were the Firebirds. They were part of the AAA Pacific Coast League from 1986 to 1996.

It’s a great name, as a phoenix is, quite literally, a fire bird, a mythological creature that arises from the ashes. And if you’re wondering what all that has to do with the city itself, the original settler suggested it based on the future city’s site on the ruins of a Native American settlement.

The team won 2 PCL titles, and featured such stars as Willie McCovey, Barry Bonds & Matt Williams. They played at Scottsdale Stadium, which now hosts the San Francisco Giants for spring training.

When the D-Backs came to town, the Firebirds moved to nearby Tucson, becoming the Sidewinders. The team they displaced, the Toros, moved to Fresno, becoming the Grizzlies.

The original name has been reused for local rugby, hockey & basketball teams.



Miami Marlins (20 years)

Here’s our first team that simply adopted the name of the local minor-league team. Hats off to them for that.

Of course, the major-league team originally claimed the whole state of Florida, as the Florida Marlins. They reverted, though, to the Miami Marlins in 2012.

The minor-league Miami Marlins were active, on and off, from 1956 through 1988. They played at both  the A and AAA levels.

The latter is the older team, active from 1956 to 1960. Alumni include Satchel Paige and Whitey Herzog. The former were active from ‘82 through ’88 and ’62 to ‘70. They were also the Miami Miracle for 3 years (and owned partly by Jimmy Buffet and Bill Murray).

Miami has also fielded teams called the Sun Sox (7 years) Wahoos (2) & Tourists (2).



Tampa Tarpons (28 years)

Yes, I know the Trop is in St. Pete. The MLB team, though, is called the Tampa Bay Rays, so I figure either city is game.

Both cities have some definite minor league history. On the west side of the bay, the Saints called St Pete home for 26 years. On the other side, the Tarpons notched 28 years in Tampa.

During those years, from 1957 through 1987, the Tarpons represented both class D and A. In class D, they won championships 3 times.

The Tarpons were a Cincinnati team, being active when a number of members of the Big Red Machine were just coming up. So, alumni include such big names as Pete Rose, Johnny Bench, Dave Concepcion, Lee May & Ken Griffey Sr.

Another famous alum is Randy Poffo. Never heard of him? Well, he did make a much bigger name for himself in another sport – as wrestler Randy “Macho Man” Savage.

The Rays have done a good job honoring the old Tarpons, wearing their uniforms in a couple of games. (They did the same for the Saints on at least one occasion as well.) The Tampa Tarpons name was also resurrected, by the Yankees, for their Single A team, in 2018.

Interestingly, the Tarpons were known as the Smokers for 20 years, reflecting the area’s long history of cigar making. Probably not a name that would go over very well today.

I think I might know this guy


Seattle Rainiers (29 years)

It’s a somewhat odd name. Yes, I know Mt Rainier’s nearby. But still …

They were originally called the Indians, an apt but rather boring choice. The name change came in 1938, when they were purchased by the owner of the Rainier Brewing Company. Ah, that explains it.

The team disappeared in 1968, when the city got an MLB franchise (remember the woeful Pilots?). A class A team of the same name filled in the gap between 1972 and 1976, when the Mariners returned Seattle to the bigs.

Famous Rainier alumni include Jim Bouton, Lew Burdette, Jim Longborg, Maury Wills & Andy Messersmith, all when the team were at the AAA level. Throughout the years, Seattle also fielded teams at AA, A, B, C, D & F.

The Marlins have honored the Rainiers’ legacy by wearing Rainier throwback unis and by renaming their AAA affiliate from the Tacoma Tigers to the Tacoma Rainiers.


San Diego Padres (32 years)

Here’s another team that kept their name when they moved up to the bigs. From 1936 to 1968, the Padres appeared in the Pacific Coast League, at both the AA and AAA levels.

Alumni include hometown hero Ted Williams, Lee May, and Hall of Famers Bobby Doerr and Minnie Minoso. The team was associated with a number of different major league franchises.

The team played one year in Jack Murphy Stadium, where the major-league Padres would play for many. The major league team has worn the PCL unis on a couple of occasions.

Local star Johnny Ritchey was famous for breaking the color line in the PCL


Ft Worth Panthers (42 years)

The Rangers play in Arlington, about halfway between Dallas and Ft Worth. Arlington has no real baseball history before the Rangers, but Ft Worth and Dallas definitely do.

Interestingly, though there’s been minor-league baseball in Ft Worth for 78 years, the local team has only had two names that whole time. The Panthers played from 1888 to 1931, with the Cats (really just a nickname for Panthers) taking over from 1932 to 1959.

Dallas has a much more varied history, with the local team being the Steers for 18 years, the Eagles for 10, the Spurs for 7, the Rebels for 6 & the Rangers for 5. Those last two actually had Dallas-Ft Worth in their name, though the stadium was still in Dallas.

Back to the Panthers … I’ll bet you didn’t know that Ft Worth is known as the Panther City. The story is rather interesting.

In the 1870s, when there was considerable rivalry between the two cities, a Dallas paper ran an article about a panther sited sleeping in downtown Ft Worth. There was also a dig about how sleepy the burg must be to have that happen.

The citizens of Ft Worth, though, ran with it. First, the local newspaper publisher bought two panther cubs as mascots. Since then, the cat was added to municipal livery, commercial establishments were named after it, statues of panthers have appeared downtown, and other sports teams have adopted the name as well.

The team was particularly successful in the early 1920s, and is often cited as one of the best minor-league teams in history. They won league championships every year from 1920 to 1926, failing to win 100 games in only one of those years. They also drew 140,000 to 160,000 every year – pretty impressive for a city of 100,000 people.

The team also had a long history of playing major-league teams on their way from spring training to their MLB homes. So, local fans got to see stars such as Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Rogers Hornsby & Lou Gehrig.


San Francisco Seals (54 years)

Before the New York Giants came to town in 1958, the San Francisco Seals ruled the roost, for more than half a century.

Because, however, minor-league ball in SF goes all the way back to 1878, there are a bunch of other names as well. None of them had any staying power, though, and include such oddballs as the Knickerbockers, Metropolitans, Haverleys & Oriental.

The Seals were one of the initial members of the Pacific Coast League, primarily an AA franchise, and mostly associated with NY teams. Because the weather was so nice in the PCL (and because they were so cut off the from the rest of the country, at least in the early days), they played year round. As a result, the Seals set a record for most games in a season, with a whopping 230!

Local boy Joe DiMaggio is probably the Seals’ most famous alum. Others include the other two DiMaggio brothers, Dom and Vince; Hall of Famers Earl Averill, Lefty Gomez & Paul Waner; and many others.

The Seals live on in the Giants’ current mascot, Lou Seal, as well as a statue outside their current park, and in the name of a collegiate wood bat league team.

Fan fave Lefty O’Doul


Oakland Oaks (56 years)

The Oaks were another original member of the PCL. They were in business from 1903 to 1955.

After they moved to Vancouver in ‘55, Oakland was without a baseball team until 1968, when the A’s came to town. Sounds like they’re going to be in that same situation again pretty soon.

The Oaks, who were an independent team, have a number of distinguished alumni – Hall of Famers Ernie Lombardi, Billy Herman & Joe Gordon; Cookie Lavagetto; Billy Martin … They also had a number of well-known managers – Casey Stengel, Chuck Dressen, Mel Ott, Augie Galan …

Interestingly, it was the Oaks who broke baseball’s color line, way back in 1916, with a pitcher named Jimmy Claxton. I’m not sure we should really give them credit though. One, they thought Claxton was Native American. Two, they booted him from the team when they discovered he was half Black.

The name has been resurrected by hockey and basketball teams, and the A’s resurrected the unis a couple of times. The latter’s probably not something that’s going to be repeated that now that the A’s are moving to Las Vegas.

They were also known familiarly as the Acorns


Los Angeles Angels (56 years)

This is where it gets confusing ...

Now, the original minor-league team in LA was the Los Angeles Angels. Another inaugural member of the PCL, they were around from 1901 to 1957. They were displaced, however, when the Brooklyn Dodgers went west in 1958, with the then Angels heading north to become the Spokane Indians. 

Just a few years later (in 1961), the original name was resurrected as the AL expansion Los Angeles Angels took the field. That, too, only lasted a few years, however, with a name change to the California Angels in 1965.

From 2008 to 2015, the team reverted to the Los Angeles Angels, but threw the weird “of Anaheim” on the end of it. Finally, in 2016, the team settled again on plain ol’ Los Angeles Angels.

Got it? There will be a test at the end.

The minor league Angels were the arguably the best team in the PCL, notching no less than 14 championships. Famous alumni include Tommy LaSorda, Sam Crawford, Gene Mauch, and Bobo Newsom.

They definitely had some weird uniforms over the years


Milwaukee Brewers (62 years)

The major-league Milwaukee Brewers started in 1970, when the woeful Seattle Pilots gave it up after a year and moved east. Previously, the city had hosted the major-league Milwaukee Braves, from 1953 to 1965.

Prior to all that, though, the minor-league Brewers were pretty much the only show in town, dating all the way back to 1884. Famous alum include managers Casey Stengel & Connie Mack; players Rube Waddell, Rudy York & Hugh Duffy; and owner Bill Veeck.


Houston Buffaloes (65 years)

Houston fielded a minor-league team from 1888 to 1961. For all but a handful of years, that team was called the Buffaloes (or Buffalos, or Buffs).

The interwebs are telling me that the name came from Buffalo Bayou, Houston’s equivalent of a river. It does play an important part in the history of the city, and is basically the Houston end of the Houston Shipping Channel (which turned Houston into a real port).

Interestingly, the Buffaloes were the first minor-league team to become associated with a major-league one, in 1921. That relationship, with the St Louis Cardinals, would last until 1959. Card greats like Dizzy & Paul Dean and Joe Medwick would all pass through on their way to the bigs. Stars who were in Houston before then include Hall of Famers Chick Hafey, Jim Bottomley & Tris Speaker.

When Houston became major league in 1962, the Buffaloes moved to Oklahoma City (becoming the 89ers). The new MLB team (originally called the Colt 45s) did hire some of the old Buffs, including GM, manager, announcers & a handful of players.

A fan models a hat from the 50s & a jersey from the 30s


Toronto Maple Leafs (66 years)

Having the same name for multiple sports used to be a real thing. Typically, it was baseball and football – i.e., the New York Giants & St Louis Cardinals (but also the Detroit Tigers, Boston Braves, Cleveland Indians & New York Yankees).

Seeing as this is Canada, though, it makes a ton of sense to go with baseball and hockey. Surprisingly, though, it was the baseball team that came first.

The baseball Leafs were in place from 1902 to 1967. The hockey Leafs, on the other hand, only got started in 1917. Interestingly, the baseball team also previously sported the name of another hockey team, the Canucks, for 9 years.

Did you follow all that? It will be on the final exam.

There’s quite a list of Hall of Famers who played for the Leafs:

  • Sparky Anderson
  • Ed Barrow
  • Dan Brouthers
  • Leon Day
  • Hugh Duffy
  • Charlie Gehringer
  • Burleigh Grimes
  • Carl Hubbell
  • Willie Keeler
  • Joe Kelley
  • Ralph Kiner
  • Nap Lajoie
  • Tony Lazzeri
  • Heinie Manush
  • Dick Williams

Another fan model


Atlanta Crackers (65 years)

Here’s a name that might not go over so well today. A cracker is basically a poor White Southerner. Synonyms include terms like “white trash,” “redneck” & “peckerwood.”

Interestingly, Atlanta’s Negro League club was called the “Black Crackers.” Today, the Cracker name has been resurrected as a collegiate league team.

As for the original minor-league team, with the exception of a few years here and there, the team name was intact from 1895 to 1965. As an AA team, they were known as the “Yankees of the minors,” winning 17 championships in the competitive Southern Association.

They actually only spent a handful of years at AAA, moving to Richmond when the Braves came to town. The Crackers played their last season in what would become the major-league Fulton County Stadium.

Over the years, the Crackers introduced two novel concepts to baseball – the rain check and ladies’ day.

Famous alums include Billy Goodman, Chuck Tanner, Luke Appling, Eddie Matthew, Tim McCarver and announcers Skip Carey & Ernie Harwell.


Kansas City Blues (66 years)

Except for 1968, Kansas City has had a major league team since 1955. And that was the A’s from 1955 to 1967, and the Royals from 1969 on.

Before that, though, the Blues called KC home, from 1888 to 1954. They were a founding member of the American Association in 1902. In fact, the 1900 team moved to Washington, DC, becoming the major-league Nationals. A brand-new Blues club took their place.

The team was particularly good in the 30s and 40s, winning 5 championships. When the A’s came to town in 1955, the Blues became the Bears (and moved to Denver).

Hall of Fame alumni include:

  • Jake Beckley
  • Phil Rizzuto
  • Burleigh Grimes
  • Tris Speaker
  • Casey Stengel
  • Mickey Mantle


Denver Bears (70 years)

Speaking of Bears … These guys were the toast of the town for 70 years, from 1913 to 1983. To continue that ursine theme, they were the Grizzlies for another 16 before that.

Starting at A level, the Bears eventually went to AAA in the American Association. At that level, they played some of their games in Mile High Stadium, home of the Broncos. H of F members include Joe Tinker, Bobby Richardson, Whitey Herzog & Tim Raines.

By the way, the nickname came, not from the grizzlies in the nearby Rocky Mountains, but from Teddy Roosevelt’s saving the life of a bear cub while hunting (it’s also what gave rise to the popularity of the teddy bear toy).

Pretty unique look


Baltimore Oriole (72 years)

There’s only been one name associated with baseball in Baltimore, and that’s the Orioles. Whether minors (1882-1953) or majors (1954 to date, but also 1901 & 1902), everything comes up Birds.

During the 1920s, the O’s were something of an almost-major-league team. They won seven straight International League championships and also once won 27 straight regular-season games.

They also regularly sold players to the bigs. Alumni include Hall of Famers Chief Bender, Hughie Jennings, Home Run Baker, Lefty Grove and hometown hero Babe Ruth. Fittingly, they would spend their last 4 years in what would become the major-league-level Memorial Stadium.

Rogers Hornsby in a very St Louis Cardinals looking jersey


Minneapolis Millers (74 years)

Here’s another city that’s really never had another nickname. The Millers were the only game in town from 1884 until 1960 (when the Washington Senators moved west.)

It is, though, something of an unusual name. But when you realize that Minneapolis is the home of Pillsbury and General Mills, and was once known as Mill City, it make total sense.

The team was particularly known for individual accomplishments, including 7 no hitters and 21 home-run kings. Their list of Hall of Fame alum is probably the longest one out there:

  • Roger Bresnahan
  • Orlando Cepeda
  • Jimmy Collins
  • Ray Dandridge
  • Red Faber
  • George Kelly
  • Billy Herman
  • Monte Irvin
  • Willie Mays
  • Bill McKechnie
  • Rube Waddell
  • Zack Wheat
  • Hoyt Wilhelm
  • Ted Williams
  • Carl Yastrzemski

Twins’ turn-back-the-clock unis

Sunday, October 22, 2023

Worst of the Best - Directors

Everybody has a bad day. Even such geniuses as Scorsese, Kubrick & Coppola have directed some turkeys.

Methodology

  1. Identify the 20 top directors of recent date* from various lists around the Interwebs
  2. Find their worst movie** based on IMDb score
  3. Order them here from best to worst (or, really, worse to worstest)

*  I’m trying to limit this to more recent directors, as I’m not sure the turkeys of Bergman, Fellini, Godard, et al. might resonate as well (maybe I’ll save them for another post). In the same spirit, I’m also definitely leaning toward American audiences.

** Real movies – no shorts, TV movies, TV shows, etc.

 

20 – Wes Anderson, Asteroid City

IMDb score: 6.6

Crazy plot:  “Following a writer on his world-famous fictional play about a grieving father who travels with his tech-obsessed family to small rural Asteroid City to compete in a junior stargazing event, only to have his world view disrupted forever.”

Stars:  Scarlett Johansson, Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston

Scathing review:  “If you asked an AI program to create a Wes Anderson movie, you’d get Asteroid City, the latest — and worst — film from the writer-director of ‘The French Dispatch’ (2021) and ‘Isle of Dogs’ (2018).”  (Boston Globe)

Interesting tidbit:  Filmed in Spain

Vs. best movie:  Budapest Hotel (8.1)

Difference:  1.5

Premiere


19 – Paul Thomas Anderson, Inherent Vice

IMDb score: 6.6

Crazy plot:  “In 1970, drug-fueled Los Angeles private investigator Larry ‘Doc’ Sportello investigates the disappearance of a former girlfriend.”

Stars:  Joaquin Phoenix, Josh Brolin, Owen Wilson

Scathing review:  “Meandering even by Anderson’s standards, is easily the worst of his movies, a soporific 2½-hour endurance test.”  (New York Post)

Interesting tidbit:  First movie treatment of any of Thomas Pynchon's novels

Vs. best movie:  There Will Be Blood (8.2)

Difference:  1.6


18 – Guillermo Del Toro, Crimson Peak

IMDb score: 6.5

Crazy plot:  “In the aftermath of a family tragedy, an aspiring author is torn between love for her childhood friend and the temptation of a mysterious outsider. Trying to escape the ghosts of her past, she is swept away to a house that breathes, bleeds - and remembers.”

“Stars”:  Burn Gorman, Jim Beaver

Scathing review:  “All surface and no substance, sinking under the weight of its own self-importance into the sanguine muck below.” (Variety)

Interesting tidbit:  Filmed in Canada

Vs. best movie:  Pan’s Labyrinth (8.2)

Difference:  1.7


17 – Tim Burton, Dark Shadows

IMDb score: 6.2

Crazy plot:  “An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection.”

Stars:  Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeifer, Christopher Lee, Alice Cooper

Scathing review:  “Dark Shadows manages in two hours what the TV show took six years to do: become irrelevant and remembered only for how sloppy it was.” (Tampa Bay Times)

Interesting tidbit:  Johnny Depp actually plays in a rock band with Alice Cooper called The Hollywood Vampires.

Vs. best movie:  Edward Scissorhand (7.9)

Difference:  1.5


16 – Joel Cohen, The Ladykillers

IMDb score: 6.2

Crazy plot:  “An eccentric, if not charming Southern professor and his crew pose as a classical ensemble in order to rob a casino, all under the nose of his unsuspecting but sharp old landlady.”

“Stars”:  Tom Hanks … Mi Mi Green-Fan, Te Te Benn, Feda Foh Shen

Scathing review:  “Not only have they (Coen Brothers) stripped it of all its wit and charm, they've loaded it down with the kind of race-baiting and bathroom humor they've always avoided in the past.” (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

Interesting tidbit:  Worst Foreign Director, Yoga Awards

Vs. best movie:  No Country for Old Men (8.2)

Difference:  2

Actually, a remake of a 1955 British film


15 – Martin Scorsese, Boxcar Bertha

IMDb score: 6.0

Crazy plot:  “During the Great Depression, a union leader and a young woman become criminals to exact revenge on the management of a railroad.”

Stars:  Barbara Hershey, David Carradine

Scathing review:  “It's not done in a way that suggests a fully formed talent—'promising juvenilia’ is about the most one can say for it.”  (Chicago Reader)

Interesting tidbit:  Won 7th place for best foreign film, Turkish Film Critics Association

Vs. best movie:  Goodfellas (8.7)

Difference:  2.7


14 – Woody Allen, What’s Up, Tiger Lilly?

IMDb score:  5.8

Crazy plot:  “A Japanese James Bond-esque spy flick reused and redubbed into the plot of a secret agent searching to uncover a recipe for the world's greatest egg salad in Woody Allen's directorial debut.”

“Stars”:  Osman Yusuf, Zal Yanofsky, Akiko Wakabayashi

Scathing review:  “Projects like this are invariably hit-or-miss, and Tiger Lily misses more often than it hits. Flashes of Allen's wit surface occasionally, particularly during bits in which he appears as himself, but they're few and far between, and generally drowned out by silly voices, a surprising amount of awkward silence, and pacing that makes the film seem much longer than its 80 padded minutes.” (A.V. Club)

Interesting tidbit:  Allen’s directorial debut

Vs. best movie:  Annie Hall (8)

Difference:  2.2

And, undoubtedly, their worst album

 

13 – Quentin Tarantino, My Best Friend’s Birthday

IMDb score: 5.6

Boring plot:  “It's Mickey's birthday and his girlfriend just left him, so that's when his friend Clarence shows him a birthday he'll never forget.”

“Stars”:  Stevo Polyi, Rowland Wafford, Quentin Tarantino

Scathing review:  “Real problem with this movie is that it lacks style. It's a very amateur-like-looking movie and it uses standard camera-positions and weak editing. Because of this not everything in the movie works very well, such as most of the comical moments and the weird kung-fu fight toward the ending.” (bobafett1138.sealteam1138.com)

Interesting tidbit:  Lighting equipment was rented on Friday. Because the rental company wasn't open on weekends, Tarantino paid for one day, but got it for three.

Vs. best movie:  Pulp Fiction (8.9)

Difference:  3.3


12 – Steven Spielberg, Firelight

IMDb score: 5.5

Crazy plot:  “Menacing flying saucers attack the citizens of a town.”

“Stars”:  Lucky Lohr, Robert Robyn, Nancy Spielberg

Interesting tidbit:  Made at age 17

Vs. best movie:  Schindler’s List (9)

Difference:  3.5

Filmed for $500 and made a dollar profit when it was shown at a local theater

 

11 – Ridley Scott, The Counsellor

IMDb score: 5.4

Crazy plot:  “A lawyer finds himself in over his head when he gets involved in drug trafficking.”

Stars:  Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Cameron Diaz

Scathing review:  “The Counselor is nothing but a dumb, gory, grab-bag of clichés and the biggest waste of talent since ‘Savages.’ It makes Oliver Stone look subtle.” (Portland Oregonian)

Interesting tidbit:  Screenplay by Cormac McCarthy

Vs. best movie:  Alien (8.5)

Difference:  3.1

 

10 – Stanley Kubrick, Fear and Desire

IMDb score: 5.3

Crazy plot:  “Four soldiers trapped behind enemy lines must confront their fears and desires.”

“Stars”:  Stephen Coit, Kenneth Harp, Toba Kubrick

Scathing review:  “It’s a film that constantly seems to be trying to convince us of its intelligence, deep meaning and profundity, despite the fact it doesn’t really have any of that.”  (biggaypictureshow.com)

Interesting tidbit:  Disowned by Kubrick, who has tried to destroy all copes of it

Vs. best movie:  Dr Strangelove (8.4)

Difference:  3.1


9 – Robert Zemeckis, Pinocchio

IMDb score: 5.1

Crazy plot:  “A puppet is brought to life by a fairy, who assigns him to lead a virtuous life in order to become a real boy.”

“Stars”:  Tom Hanks … Poppy Blackwood, Verity Constantinou, Amira Piddington, Marco De Marlo

Scathing review:  “Zemeckis’ Pinocchio prompts one to wish upon a star that Disney would stop diluting the legacy of its beloved animated features with these soulless knockoffs.”  (Los Angeles Times) 

Interesting tidbit:  29% Rotten Tomatoes approval rating

Vs. best movie:  Forrest Gump (8.8)

Difference:  3.7


8 – Robert Altman, Dr T and the Women

IMDb score: 4.7

Crazy plot:  “A wealthy gynecologist's ideal life is thrown into turmoil when the women closest to him begin to affect his life in unexpecting ways.”

Stars:  Richard Gere, Helen Hunt, Farah Fawcett, Laura Dern, Shelley Long, Tara Reid, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler

Scathing review:  “About the only good thing to say about this mess is that it's rotten enough that even Altman cultists may be forced to reconsider their devotion.”  (LA Weekly)

Interestng tidbit:  Reportedly inspired by the Book of Job.

Vs. best movie:  Nashville (7.6)

Difference:  2.9


7 – Oliver Stone, Seizure

IMDb score: 4.7

Crazy plot:  “Jonathan Frid portrays a horror novelist who has a recurring nightmare about three figures out of his book who terrorize him and his family and friends during a weekend of fun. Then the dream becomes reality and it never ends...”

“Stars”:  Jonathan Frid (Barnabas Collins), Martine Bestwick, Herve Villechaize … Christina Pickles

Scathing review:  “You have to stretch to like it. It wasn’t great. I felt back then the same as I do now, that I always wanted to direct, and the horror genre was easier to break in with.”  (Oliver Stone)

Interesting tidbit:  Disowned by Stone

Vs. best movie:  Platoon (8.1)

Difference:  3.4


6 – Steven Soderbergh, Full Frontal

IMDb score: 4.7

Boring plot:  “A day in the life of a group of men and women in Hollywood, in the hours leading up to a friend's birthday party.”

“Stars”:  Julia Roberts … Dawn Suggs, Pliny Porter, Al Ahlf

Scathing review:  “Arid, self-consciously arty and emotionally uninvolving.”  (Variety)

Interesting tidbit:  All actors did their own hair, makeup & wardrobes, as well as arranging their own transportation and food

Vs. best movie:  Traffic (8.1)

Difference:  3.4


5 – Brian De Palma, Domino

IMDb score: 4.5

Crazy plot:  “A Copenhagen police officer seeks justice for his partner's murder by a mysterious man.”

“Stars”:  Roca Rey, Bieke Ilegems, Paprika Steen

Scathing review:  “Even die-hard De Palma completists would be better served by forgetting this one exists – a tedious, ugly thriller devoid of anything to say that will serve as a regrettable footnote for a distinguished film-maker who is capable of so much more.”  (The Guardian)

Interesting tidbit:  Cost a mere $6 million

Vs. best movie:  Scarface (8.3)

Difference:  3.8



4 – Spike Lee, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus

IMDb score: 4.5

Crazy plot:  “An anthropologist awakes with a thirst for blood after an assistant stabs him with a cursed dagger..”

“Stars”:  Lil Buck, Al Palagonia, Chrystal Atmosphere, Lady Peachena

Scathing review:  “Glacially paced, stiffly acted, shapeless, and for the most part tremendously boring.” (The Dissolve)

Interesting tidbit:  Funded by Kickstarter

Vs. best movie:  Do the Right Thing (8)

Difference:  3.5


3 – Pedro Almodovar, Folle... folle... fólleme Tim!

IMDb score: 4.1

Crazy plot:  “A poor girl works in a general store with a blind boyfriend playing guitar. He becomes famous and she also becomes blind.”

“Stars”:  Pedro Almodovar, 3 others (total cast)

Scathing review:  no reviews at all (?!?!)

Interesting tidbit:  Translates as Fuck... Fuck... Fuck Me, Tim!

Vs. best movie:  Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (7.6)

Difference:  3.5


2 – James Cameron, Pirhana II: The Spawning

IMDb score: 3.8

Crazy plot:  “A scuba diving instructor, her biochemist boyfriend, and her police chief ex-husband try to link a series of bizarre deaths to a mutant strain of piranha fish whose lair is a sunken freighter ship off a Caribbean island resort.”

“Stars”:  Ancile Gloudon, Gaetano Del Grande, Captain Kidd Brewer Jr.

Scathing review:  “The special effects are awful (the piranhas are obviously hand puppets) and the script worse.” (TV Guide)

Interesting tidbit:  Shared directing credit with 2 others

Vs. best movie:  Titanic (7.9)

Difference:  4.1


1 – Francis Ford Coppola, The Bellboy and the Playgirls

IMDb score: 2.9

Crazy plot:  “This Bellboy is after more than just big tips.”

“Stars”:  June “The Bosom” Wilkinson

Scathing review:  “The issue with the film is that it's so atrociously boring that one might feel as though watching paint dry would literally be a better and more exciting experience.” (blue-ray.com)

Interesting tidbit:  A re-edited version of the 1958 German film The Sin Began with Eva

Vs. best movie:  Godfather (9.2)

Difference:  6.3