Everybody has a bad day. Even such geniuses as Scorsese,
Kubrick & Coppola have directed some turkeys.
Methodology
- Identify the 20 top directors of recent date* from various lists around the Interwebs
- Find their worst movie** based on IMDb score
- Order them here from best to worst (or, really, worse to worstest)
* I’m trying to limit
this to more recent directors, as I’m not sure the turkeys of Bergman, Fellini,
Godard, et al. might resonate as well (maybe I’ll save them for another post). In
the same spirit, I’m also definitely leaning toward American audiences.
** Real movies – no shorts, TV movies, TV shows, etc.
20 – Wes Anderson, Asteroid City
IMDb score: 6.6
Crazy plot: “Following
a writer on his world-famous fictional play about a grieving father who travels
with his tech-obsessed family to small rural Asteroid City to compete in a
junior stargazing event, only to have his world view disrupted forever.”
Stars: Scarlett
Johansson, Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston
Scathing review: “If
you asked an AI program to create a Wes Anderson movie, you’d get Asteroid
City, the latest — and worst — film from the writer-director of ‘The French
Dispatch’ (2021) and ‘Isle of Dogs’ (2018).” (Boston Globe)
Interesting tidbit: Filmed
in Spain
Vs. best movie:
Budapest Hotel (8.1)
Difference: 1.5
Premiere
19 – Paul Thomas Anderson, Inherent Vice
IMDb score: 6.6
Crazy plot: “In 1970,
drug-fueled Los Angeles private investigator Larry ‘Doc’ Sportello investigates
the disappearance of a former girlfriend.”
Stars: Joaquin
Phoenix, Josh Brolin, Owen Wilson
Scathing review: “Meandering
even by Anderson’s standards, is easily the worst of his movies, a soporific
2½-hour endurance test.” (New York Post)
Interesting tidbit: First
movie treatment of any of Thomas Pynchon's novels
Vs. best movie: There
Will Be Blood (8.2)
Difference: 1.6
18 – Guillermo Del Toro, Crimson Peak
IMDb score: 6.5
Crazy plot: “In the
aftermath of a family tragedy, an aspiring author is torn between love for her
childhood friend and the temptation of a mysterious outsider. Trying to escape
the ghosts of her past, she is swept away to a house that breathes, bleeds - and
remembers.”
“Stars”: Burn Gorman,
Jim Beaver
Scathing review: “All
surface and no substance, sinking under the weight of its own self-importance
into the sanguine muck below.” (Variety)
Interesting tidbit: Filmed
in Canada
Vs. best movie: Pan’s
Labyrinth (8.2)
Difference: 1.7
17 – Tim Burton, Dark Shadows
IMDb score: 6.2
Crazy plot: “An
imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral
home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection.”
Stars: Johnny Depp,
Michelle Pfeifer, Christopher Lee, Alice Cooper
Scathing review: “Dark
Shadows manages in two hours what the TV show took six years to do: become
irrelevant and remembered only for how sloppy it was.” (Tampa Bay Times)
Interesting tidbit: Johnny
Depp actually plays in a rock band with Alice Cooper called The Hollywood
Vampires.
Vs. best movie:
Edward Scissorhand (7.9)
Difference: 1.5
16 – Joel Cohen, The Ladykillers
IMDb score: 6.2
Crazy plot: “An
eccentric, if not charming Southern professor and his crew pose as a classical
ensemble in order to rob a casino, all under the nose of his unsuspecting but
sharp old landlady.”
“Stars”: Tom Hanks … Mi
Mi Green-Fan, Te Te Benn, Feda Foh Shen
Scathing review: “Not
only have they (Coen Brothers) stripped it of all its wit and charm, they've
loaded it down with the kind of race-baiting and bathroom humor they've always
avoided in the past.” (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
Interesting tidbit: Worst
Foreign Director, Yoga Awards
Vs. best movie: No
Country for Old Men (8.2)
Difference: 2
Actually, a remake of a 1955 British film
15 – Martin Scorsese, Boxcar Bertha
IMDb score: 6.0
Crazy plot: “During
the Great Depression, a union leader and a young woman become criminals to
exact revenge on the management of a railroad.”
Stars: Barbara
Hershey, David Carradine
Scathing review: “It's
not done in a way that suggests a fully formed talent—'promising juvenilia’ is
about the most one can say for it.”
(Chicago Reader)
Interesting tidbit: Won
7th place for best foreign film, Turkish Film Critics Association
Vs. best movie: Goodfellas
(8.7)
Difference: 2.7
14 – Woody Allen, What’s Up, Tiger Lilly?
IMDb score: 5.8
Crazy plot: “A
Japanese James Bond-esque spy flick reused and redubbed into the plot of a
secret agent searching to uncover a recipe for the world's greatest egg salad
in Woody Allen's directorial debut.”
“Stars”: Osman Yusuf,
Zal Yanofsky, Akiko Wakabayashi
Scathing review: “Projects
like this are invariably hit-or-miss, and Tiger Lily misses more often than it
hits. Flashes of Allen's wit surface occasionally, particularly during bits in
which he appears as himself, but they're few and far between, and generally
drowned out by silly voices, a surprising amount of awkward silence, and pacing
that makes the film seem much longer than its 80 padded minutes.” (A.V. Club)
Interesting tidbit: Allen’s
directorial debut
Vs. best movie: Annie
Hall (8)
Difference: 2.2
And, undoubtedly, their worst album
13 – Quentin Tarantino, My Best Friend’s Birthday
IMDb score: 5.6
Boring plot: “It's
Mickey's birthday and his girlfriend just left him, so that's when his friend
Clarence shows him a birthday he'll never forget.”
“Stars”: Stevo Polyi,
Rowland Wafford, Quentin Tarantino
Scathing review: “Real problem with this movie is that it lacks
style. It's a very amateur-like-looking movie and it uses standard
camera-positions and weak editing. Because of this not everything in the movie
works very well, such as most of the comical moments and the weird kung-fu
fight toward the ending.” (bobafett1138.sealteam1138.com)
Interesting tidbit: Lighting
equipment was rented on Friday. Because the rental company wasn't open on
weekends, Tarantino paid for one day, but got it for three.
Vs. best movie: Pulp
Fiction (8.9)
Difference: 3.3
12 – Steven Spielberg, Firelight
IMDb score: 5.5
Crazy plot: “Menacing
flying saucers attack the citizens of a town.”
“Stars”: Lucky Lohr, Robert
Robyn, Nancy Spielberg
Interesting tidbit: Made
at age 17
Vs. best movie: Schindler’s
List (9)
Difference: 3.5
Filmed for $500 and made a dollar profit when it was shown at a local theater
11 – Ridley Scott, The Counsellor
IMDb score: 5.4
Crazy plot: “A lawyer
finds himself in over his head when he gets involved in drug trafficking.”
Stars: Penelope Cruz,
Javier Bardem, Cameron Diaz
Scathing review: “The
Counselor is nothing but a dumb, gory, grab-bag of clichés and the biggest
waste of talent since ‘Savages.’ It makes Oliver Stone look subtle.” (Portland
Oregonian)
Interesting tidbit: Screenplay
by Cormac McCarthy
Vs. best movie: Alien
(8.5)
Difference: 3.1
10 – Stanley Kubrick, Fear and Desire
IMDb score: 5.3
Crazy plot: “Four
soldiers trapped behind enemy lines must confront their fears and desires.”
“Stars”: Stephen
Coit, Kenneth Harp, Toba Kubrick
Scathing review: “It’s
a film that constantly seems to be trying to convince us of its intelligence,
deep meaning and profundity, despite the fact it doesn’t really have any of
that.” (biggaypictureshow.com)
Interesting tidbit:
Disowned by Kubrick, who has tried to destroy all copes of it
Vs. best movie: Dr
Strangelove (8.4)
Difference: 3.1
9 – Robert Zemeckis, Pinocchio
IMDb score: 5.1
Crazy plot: “A puppet
is brought to life by a fairy, who assigns him to lead a virtuous life in order
to become a real boy.”
“Stars”: Tom Hanks … Poppy
Blackwood, Verity Constantinou, Amira Piddington, Marco De Marlo
Scathing review: “Zemeckis’
Pinocchio prompts one to wish upon a star that Disney would stop diluting the
legacy of its beloved animated features with these soulless knockoffs.” (Los Angeles Times) “
Interesting tidbit:
29% Rotten Tomatoes approval rating
Vs. best movie: Forrest
Gump (8.8)
Difference: 3.7
8 – Robert Altman, Dr T and the Women
IMDb score: 4.7
Crazy plot: “A
wealthy gynecologist's ideal life is thrown into turmoil when the women closest
to him begin to affect his life in unexpecting ways.”
Stars: Richard Gere,
Helen Hunt, Farah Fawcett, Laura Dern, Shelley Long, Tara Reid, Kate Hudson, Liv
Tyler
Scathing review: “About
the only good thing to say about this mess is that it's rotten enough that even
Altman cultists may be forced to reconsider their devotion.” (LA Weekly)
Interestng tidbit: Reportedly
inspired by the Book of Job.
Vs. best movie: Nashville
(7.6)
Difference: 2.9
7 – Oliver Stone, Seizure
IMDb score: 4.7
Crazy plot: “Jonathan
Frid portrays a horror novelist who has a recurring nightmare about three
figures out of his book who terrorize him and his family and friends during a
weekend of fun. Then the dream becomes reality and it never ends...”
“Stars”: Jonathan
Frid (Barnabas Collins), Martine Bestwick, Herve Villechaize … Christina
Pickles
Scathing review: “You
have to stretch to like it. It wasn’t great. I felt back then the same as I do
now, that I always wanted to direct, and the horror genre was easier to break
in with.” (Oliver Stone)
Interesting tidbit: Disowned
by Stone
Vs. best movie: Platoon
(8.1)
Difference: 3.4
6 – Steven Soderbergh, Full Frontal
IMDb score: 4.7
Boring plot: “A day
in the life of a group of men and women in Hollywood, in the hours leading up
to a friend's birthday party.”
“Stars”: Julia
Roberts … Dawn Suggs, Pliny Porter, Al Ahlf
Scathing review: “Arid,
self-consciously arty and emotionally uninvolving.” (Variety)
Interesting tidbit: All
actors did their own hair, makeup & wardrobes, as well as arranging their
own transportation and food
Vs. best movie: Traffic
(8.1)
Difference: 3.4
5 – Brian De Palma, Domino
IMDb score: 4.5
Crazy plot: “A
Copenhagen police officer seeks justice for his partner's murder by a
mysterious man.”
“Stars”: Roca Rey, Bieke
Ilegems, Paprika Steen
Scathing review: “Even
die-hard De Palma completists would be better served by forgetting this one
exists – a tedious, ugly thriller devoid of anything to say that will serve as
a regrettable footnote for a distinguished film-maker who is capable of so much
more.” (The Guardian)
Interesting tidbit: Cost
a mere $6 million
Vs. best movie: Scarface
(8.3)
Difference: 3.8
4 – Spike Lee, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus
IMDb score: 4.5
Crazy plot: “An
anthropologist awakes with a thirst for blood after an assistant stabs him with
a cursed dagger..”
“Stars”: Lil Buck, Al
Palagonia, Chrystal Atmosphere, Lady Peachena
Scathing review: “Glacially
paced, stiffly acted, shapeless, and for the most part tremendously boring.”
(The Dissolve)
Interesting tidbit: Funded
by Kickstarter
Vs. best movie: Do
the Right Thing (8)
Difference: 3.5
3 – Pedro Almodovar, Folle... folle... fólleme Tim!
IMDb score: 4.1
Crazy plot: “A poor
girl works in a general store with a blind boyfriend playing guitar. He becomes
famous and she also becomes blind.”
“Stars”: Pedro
Almodovar, 3 others (total cast)
Scathing review: no
reviews at all (?!?!)
Interesting tidbit: Translates
as Fuck... Fuck... Fuck Me, Tim!
Vs. best movie: Women
on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (7.6)
Difference: 3.5
2 – James Cameron, Pirhana II: The Spawning
IMDb score: 3.8
Crazy plot: “A scuba
diving instructor, her biochemist boyfriend, and her police chief ex-husband
try to link a series of bizarre deaths to a mutant strain of piranha fish whose
lair is a sunken freighter ship off a Caribbean island resort.”
“Stars”: Ancile
Gloudon, Gaetano Del Grande, Captain Kidd Brewer Jr.
Scathing review: “The
special effects are awful (the piranhas are obviously hand puppets) and the
script worse.” (TV Guide)
Interesting tidbit: Shared
directing credit with 2 others
Vs. best movie: Titanic
(7.9)
Difference: 4.1
1 – Francis Ford Coppola, The Bellboy and the Playgirls
IMDb score: 2.9
Crazy plot: “This Bellboy
is after more than just big tips.”
“Stars”: June “The
Bosom” Wilkinson
Scathing review: “The
issue with the film is that it's so atrociously boring that one might feel as
though watching paint dry would literally be a better and more exciting experience.”
(blue-ray.com)
Interesting tidbit: A
re-edited version of the 1958 German film The Sin Began with Eva
Vs. best movie:
Godfather (9.2)
Difference: 6.3
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