Presidential Notties

Well, we've had our presidential hotties (and first lady hotties as well). How about some guys from the other side of the aisle (so to speak)?


#10

Not an unattractive fellow, it’s the hair that got this guy onto the list. I mean, honestly, had combs not been invented before the Civil War?

Yup, this guy was one of those mid-19th-century nobodies between Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln. Here are some other hints as to his identity:

• Before becoming a Whig, he belonged to the Anti-Masonic party
• He would later run for president on the Know Nothing ticket
• He was the second VP to become president upon the death of his boss
• He probably has the funniest name of all the presidents

Give up? It’s …

Millard Fillmore

#9

Few knew it, but our 25th president was actually one of the undead.

This scary-looking guy is mostly known for getting shot. He also:

• Was the only president between Jackson and Wilson to be clean-shaven
• Served in the Civil War under another president, Rutherford B Hayes
• Was the first president to ride in an automobile
• Appeared on the $500 bill (last printed in 1934)
• Annexed Hawaii and went to war with Spain

And our first vampire president was …

William McKinley
(hmm, not much of a difference between those two portraits, now is there?)

#8

It’s amazing what a beard – a real beard, mind you – can do for you.

This guy was part of that blur of nobodies between Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. Not that much to remember him by, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. So, did you know that this guy:

• Was only 5’6”
• Was a general in the Civil War (another one!)
• Had the most states admitted during his administration, with six
• Had electricity installed in the White House
• Was known as “The Human Iceberg”

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 23rd president of the United States …

Benjamin Harrison

#7

Affectionately called President Porker …

Actually, this guy was not really an overweight tub of goo. Musta been the camera angle. Or maybe the lighting. Wait a minute ... This is a painting.

So, you’re probably wondering who this might be. Well, I can tell you that he was indeed bald. I can also relate that:

• He was ambassador to Russia, Prussia, and the Netherlands before becoming president
• He was sworn in using a copy of the Constitution, and not the Bible
• While president, he liked to swim naked in the Potomac
• After being president, he was elected to the House
• Oh, his dad was president too

No, it’s not George W Bush. It’s …

John Quincy Adams

#6

Future presidents learned from this man not to overdo the makeup when sitting for their official photos.

Now, this guy wasn’t especially good looking, but I can guarantee you he looked a lot better than he looks here. Here are some other clues to his identity:

• He was awarded 87 honorary degrees
• He lived in China and spoke a little Chinese
• He was the first president born west of the Mississippi
• He was a member of Stanford’s first graduating class
• He’s one of two Quaker presidents

He also did quite a deal of good, but is mostly remembered for the Great Depression. He’s …

Herbert Hoover

#5

They say his brain was the size of a small watermelon …

Well, I don’t know about that. I do know that he was bald, and was also rather famous for his whiskers.  I can also tell you that he:

• Was the first president born an American citizen
• Grew up speaking Dutch
• Ran for re-election without a vice presidential candidate
• Was known as The Red Fox,” “The Little Magician,” and “Old Kinderhook”

So, who do we have here?

Martin Van Buren

#4

It’s an odd – and unfortunate – thing when your portrait is ten times less attractive than your photograph. I thought they could fix that kinda stuff up.

In addition to being not this bad looking, this president also:

• Campaigned with the slogan “Fifty-four, Forty or Fight”
• Promised not to run for re-election (and kept that promise)
• Was the first president to have his photo taken while in office (see below)
• Took us to war with Mexico
• Died three months after leaving office

He also just so happened to have been born two miles down the road from me. I kid you not.

Did that last hint totally give it away? Yup, this dude is indeed …

James K Polk

#3

Hey, nice hat!

I’m trying to think of another president who looks less like his younger self than this guy. Quite an interesting fellow, some of his many accomplishments include:

• Climbing the Matterhorn
• Writing 38 books
• Winning the Congressional Medal of Honor
• Winning the Nobel Peace Prize
• Being the youngest president ever

Could it be? Yes, it is. It’s …

Teddy Roosevelt

#2

This picture alone includes two important clues. This president fought in World War I. He also wore glasses (in fact, he had incredibly poor vision).

Need some more clues? How about:

• His mother was in an internment camp during the Civil War
• He read every book in the his hometown’s public library
• He never went to college
• His middle initial didn’t stand for anything

Yup, that weird looking dude is none other than …

Harry S Truman

#1

Kind of ironic that our greatest president was also our least attractive. I'm sure there's no way this guy would ever have gotten elected dog catcher these days.

There’s been a lot of speculation over the years about what accounts for this fellow’s less than good looks. One early culprit was Marfan syndrome. Some of its symptoms – which he shared – include excessive tallness, long limbs, large hands and feet, and a sunken chest.

He was, however, strong and athletic, unlike most Marfan victims. He also seems to have none of the heart or eye problems that often come with the syndrome.

The latest theory holds that Lincoln suffered from a marfanoid disorder called multiple endocrine neoplasia type 2B (MEN2B). Whatever it was, he most certainly got it from his mother, Nancy Hanks, who shared many of the same physical characteristics.

Well, whatever it was, I’m sure you’ve already guessed that this fellow is indeed …

Abraham Lincoln
(the best looking picture I could find of him)

Dishonorable Mention

• William Howard Taft
• Jimmy Carter
• Andrew Johnson
• James Buchanan
• Grover Cleveland
• LBJ
• Zachary Taylor
• James Madison
• William Henry Harrison
• Richard Nixon

First Lady Hotties

#10

Not typically considered a hottie, there are definitely some pix out there (like this one) that have to make you wonder. Of course, there are also some out there that seem to argue just the opposite. I guess you could say she’s kind of a polarizing figure.

Love her or hate her, there is no arguing she is the most accomplished First Lady of all time. A Wellesley and Yale Law grad, she also practiced law, was a U.S. Senator and also Secretary of State.

There’s a chance we may soon be calling her Madame President as well. May I present to you …

 
... Hillary Rodham Clinton


#9

She wasn’t First Lady for very long – a mere seven months. Her husband was shot by a demented office seeker less than four months into his term. He lingered for another three, but eventually succumbed (some say to the primitive medical treatment he received).

She would survive him by 36 years, never remarrying. The two had met in college, married when they were both 26, had five children together, and were said to have a very close, loving marriage.

He was …

... James A Garfield. She was the former Lucretia Rudolph. 


#8

This is one of the tougher ones. The difference between the bathing beauty in this photo and the white-haired, grandmotherly figure we know from her days in the White House is pretty much as complete as can be.

Need a hint? Well, she’s one of only two first ladies who had a son to go on to become president. And I understand there’s a possibility she might become the first First Lady to have two sons become president.

Hard to believe but, yup, it’s …

... Barbara Bush

 
#7

Our country’s only presidential bigamist, she married her future POTUS when she was still married to somebody else. It would become something of an issue when he subsequently ran for president.

She would actually never officially become First Lady, though, dying less than four months before her husband was inaugurated. Her death would send the president-elect into a major depression, and he would stay unmarried, until his death, almost 20 years later.

Though no actual photographs of her were ever taken, it was said that she had:

lustrous black eyes, dark glossy hair, full red lips, brunette complexion, though of brilliant coloring, [and] a sweet oval face rippling with smiles and dimples.

You’ve actually run across her hubby before, under Presidential Hotties. He was none other than … 

... Andrew Jackson. And she was Rachel Donelson Robards Jackson.


#6

Between Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt, our nation had ten presidents, none of whom can – or should – be remembered. This lovely lady was married to one of those guys.

His main claim to fame was his incredible whiskers. She was known for dying young, at age 42, less than two years before her husband became president. He never really fully recovered.

Two interesting facts about her:

• She had an excellent (soprano) voice
• She was from Virginia, and had kinfolk fighting for the Confederacy while her husband fought for the Union

He was … 

... Chester Alan Arthur. She was Ellen Lewis Herndon.


#5

This lovely young thing was also married to one of those latter 19-Century ciphers. The two were, in fact, married in the White House – the first time that had ever happened.

They were a bit of an odd couple. He was an inveterate bachelor, not quite 50 years old, 260 lbs., and with a ridiculous walrus mustache.  She was 21, petite, gorgeous, and his ward.

She would become a phenomenon, as would their child, Baby Ruth (whence the candy bar). She would later remarry, living until after World War II.

Him?

Grover Cleveland. Her? Frances Folsom Cleveland Perkins.


#4

Well, heck, they were both movie stars. So, I would imagine they would both rank pretty high.

The first one was wed to the president long before he became the president. They were married nine years before divorcing. She actually won an Oscar for Best Actress (in Johnny Belinda), but is probably better known as the matriarch on Falcon Crest.

The second one is the one who hung around and made First Lady. She had about a fifth of the credits of the first wife. She was very devoted to her POTUS, but was something of a controversial figure, including:

• Spending incredible amounts on inaugural parties, clothes, and china
• Having very strained relations with her children, step and otherwise
• Employing an astrologer to help with presidential decisions

Guessed yet?  You probably got the last one …

  

… Nancy (Davis) Reagan. The first was Jane Wyman.


#3 

This is a modern re-creation, but it is based on some sophisticated age-regression analysis from the Forensic Anthropology department at a major university. And what it’s telling me is that a woman who everyone thinks of as a frumpy, plump presidential matron was – at least at one point – a pretty darn saucy, petite little hottie.

She was also a widow with enormous amounts of money, and the story is usually that her future husband (and future POTUS) married her just for that. This re-creation tells me, though, it might have been more than just that.

Give up? Well, would you believe this is the first First Lady? Yup, it’s … 

... Martha Washington


#2

Another recreation, this is not, however, the result of any sophisticated software. That said, this lady was supposed to be quite the looker.

Her husband, the future president (and something of a hottie himself), was quite enamored of her. After her death, from complications of childbirth at age 33, he would faint, then not leave his room for three weeks. Though quite the lusty fellow, he would stay unmarried until his death, 43 years later.

This is a bit of a tough one. This lovely lady was married to this guy:

Yup, it’s Thomas Jefferson and Martha Wayles Skelton Jefferson.

 
#1

As if there was any doubt. Her husband was a hottie as well. I think it’s pretty obvious who this is, but I’ll bet you didn’t know that she:

• Had a sister who married a Polish prince
• Spoke perfect French
• Was a photojournalist before marriage
• Won an Emmy
• Left a $43M dollar estate at her death

Yup, it’s …

... Jackie O, AKA Jacquelyn Bouvier Kennedy Onasis


Honorable Mention:

• Michelle Obama
• Lucy Hayes
• Betty Ford
• Louisa Adams
• Letitia Tyler / Isabella Gardiner Tyler
• Lou Hoover
• Lady Bird Johnson
• Sarah Polk
• Jane Appleton Pierce
• Dolley Madison

How about some presidential hotties? Or maybe some First Ladies from the other end of the spectrum?

Presidential Hotties

#10

Well, he was a male model. He was also:

• A park ranger
• An Eagle Scout (the only president who ever was)
• An NFL draftee
• The longest-lived chief executive of all time (age 93)
• The only president never elected to either the presidency or the vice presidency

Ladies and gentlemen, the 38th President of the United States ...

Gerald R Ford

#9

Hmm … Okay, so here are a couple of hints:

• We’re not sure which state he was actually born in
• He was a POW
• He killed a man in a duel
• His wife was still married to another man when he married her
• He was the target of the first attempted presidential assassination
• He didn’t have any children of his own, but did adopt two Native American boys

Give up? How about ...

Andrew Jackson

#8

Okay, it’s a modern recreation. That said, the guy definitely was a looker – tall, commanding, with a firm chin, and piercing blue eyes.
 
Of course, all that was a good 30-some years before he was actually president. I can guarantee you’re familiar with his more mature (and much more frumpy) later looks. Just look in your wallet!

Yup, it’s the Father of Our Country ...
 

George Washington

#7

That hair! Those eyes! That incredibly obscure, mid-19th-Century presidency. Need some more hints? This handsome fellow was:

• The original dark horse candidate, being elected on the 49th ballot of the Democratic convention
• Sworn in using a law book, and not the Bible
• The first president to have a Christmas tree in the White House
• The only president from New Hampshire
• Rather fond of alcohol

Have you guessed him yet?  It’s ...

Franklin Pierce

#6

This fellow had what you’d have to call patrician good looks. And that’s only fitting, as he came from one of New York’s most prominent families. They came to New York in the early 1600s, and originally owned the land that the Empire State Building stands on.
 
This president also had a distant cousin who was president as well. The same family also takes credit for a First Lady (though she was actually married to this guy, which makes the family a little inbred too, I guess).

On a personal note, this handsome-looking fellow was our longest-serving chief executive, and got us through the Depression and World War II. He is, of course ...

FDR

#5

I was going to take some points off for the lapels. But the minor afro does do an excellent job of hiding what would take away further points in later life – rather prominent auricular appendages.  

His being our only African-American president is probably a dead giveaway here. 

So, for those of you who have been living under a rock the past eight years or so, let me present to you our current chief executive ...

Barack Obama

#4

Well, he was a movie star. 

He was also a sportscaster, TV star, and president of the Screen Actors Guild. In addition, he was our first divorced president and the oldest president at the time of inauguration (age 69). 

This popular president was a man of many nicknames, including Dutch, The Gipper, and The Great Communicator.
 
This one’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?
 

Ronald Reagan

#3

If you think about this one for awhile, you’ll probably get it. There’s quite a gap between this portrait and those from his presidency, but there are also some definite similarities as well. 

Okay, here are some hints:

• That hair wouldn’t last long
• He’d keep that uniform for quite a long time
• He never held political office before becoming president
• His grandson would marry his vice president’s (and a future president’s) daughter
• He was elected to the World Golf Hall of Fame

You’ve probably guessed it by now. It’s Ike ...
 

Dwight D Eisenhower

#2

If you get this one, you are probably a presidential scholar yourself. One of our most obscure presidents, this guy also looked very different when he ascended office (think long, bushy beard). Here are some more hints:

• He was a Civil War general
• He was a teetotaler and served alcohol only once while in the White House
• He promised he would only serve one term (and kept that promise!)
• He lost the popular vote
• There was much controversy about the electoral vote as well
• He would be subsequently be called His Fraudulency 

Give up? Would you believe it's ...

Rutherford B Hayes

#1

Like there was any contest. In addition to his boyish good looks and great hair, this one was also a war hero, Pulitzer-Prize-winning author, famous wit and bon vivant, and multi-millionaire.  And, yes, he was very popular with the ladies as well. Yup, it’s JFK.

Interestingly, Kennedy was one of those guys who definitely looked better with age. Here he is, for example, as a young congressman: 

Honorable Mention

• George W Bush
• George HW Bush
• Herbert Hoover (as a young man)
• Thomas Jefferson
• Chester Arthur
• Warren Harding
• James Knox Polk
• William McKinley (as a young man)
• US Grant
• Bill Clinton

How about some First Lady hotties? Some presidential notties?  Some official presidential portraits - good, bad & ugly.