Any Famous Last Words?

For every “Et tu brute” and “The comedy is over,” there’s gotta be a 100 groans and delusional ravings. Here are some of my faves …

Stating the Obvious

• Why am I hemorrhaging?  /  Boris Pasternak
• I feel pain here.  /  Charles de Gaulle

Last year was the 50th anniversary of de Gaulle's passing

Feelings

• I don't feel good.  /  Luther Burbank
• Never felt better. / Douglas Fairbanks
• I feel great. / Pete Maravich

Pistol Pete was born with a single coronary artery
(most of us have a left one too)

Dying Is Boring

• This dying is boring.  /  Richard Feynman
• I’m bored with it all.  /  Winston Churchill 
• I’m bored, I’m bored.  /  Gabriele D'Annunzio.
• I’m so bored.  /  St John Philby

I Command Thee!

• That's good. Go on, read some more!  /  Warren Harding
• Give Dayrolles a chair!  /  Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield
• Send Mike immediately!  /  LBJ
• James, take good care of the horses!  /  Winfield Scott
• Have you brought the chequebook, Alfred?  /  Samuel Butler

Don’t Struggle

• Put your hands on my shoulders and don't struggle!  /  W.S. Gilbert
• Let me go! Let me go!  /  Clara Barton

Who Turned out the Light?

• More light! / Goethe
• I can't see a damned thing.  /  Morgan Earp, brother of Wyatt
• Please put out that light, James!  /  Teddy Roosevelt
• Give me my glasses!  /  Mark Twain

Goethe's death mask

Dying Is Thirsty

• Water!  /  US Grant, Samuel Tilden
• More milk!  /  Michael Jackson
• Ah, that tastes nice.  Thank you.  /  Johannes Brahms
• One last drink, please!  /  Jack Daniel
• It's a long time since I drank champagne.  /  Anton Chekov
• Codeine … bourbon.  /  Tallulah Bankhead
• That was a great game of golf, fellas. Let's get a Coke.  /  Bing Crosby

Care for a Smoke?

• Put that bloody cigarette out!  /  Saki (HH Munro), in the trenches in WWI
• Shit, a bullet wound!  /  Antonio José de Sucre, Venezuela independence leader

Lance Sergeant Munro

Miscellaneous

• All right then, I'll say it. Dante makes me sick.  /  Lope de Vega
• Doctor, do you think it could have been the sausage?  /  Paul Claudel
• Now I'm oiled [drunk]. Keep me from the rats.  /  Pietro Aretino
• Damn, this is funny!  /  Doc Holliday
• Wait a second.  /  Madame de Pompadour, applying rouge to her cheeks

Of TB no less

Death Makes No Sense

• That's Article 98; now go on to the next!  /  Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston, Prime Minister
• That picture is awful dusty.  /  Jesse James
• Where is my clock?  /  Salvador Dali
• How did the Mets do today?  /  Moe Berg
• I’m going to the bathroom to read.  /  Elvis Presley
• Good dog.  /  Vladimir Lenin
• Hershey bars will be good enough – they'll be fine. / F Scott Fitzgerald
• Bugger Bognor! / George V (when told by his physician that he would soon be well enough to visit the seaside town)

• I want the world to be filled with white fluffy duckies.  /  Derek Jarman, English film director
• Do you know what linen is? Linen is a great thing – I want to make a book of it!  /  Jules Michelet, French historian
• One hundred and forty-four.  /  French mathematician Thomas Fantet de Lagny, responding to the question “What is the square of 12?” on his deathbed
• My Florida water! / Lucille Ball  (Florida water is a kind of eau de cologne.)
• Warry, shift!  /  Walt Whitman  (E.g., "Warren [his aide]!  Shift me [from one side to the other]!") 
• House.  /  Otto von Bismark
• I think I could eat one of Bellamy's veal pies.  /  William Pitt the Younger
• Now comes good sailing. Moose. Indian.  /  Henry David Thoreau

So Long!  Walt Whitman's Poetry of Death
Harold Aspiz, Univ. of Alabama Press

Needless to say, though, nothing quite compares with the deranged last words of the gangster Dutch Schultz:

You get ahead with the dot/dash system. Didn't I speak that time last night? Whose number is that in your pocket book, Phil 13780?  Who was it? Oh, please, please. Reserve decision. Police, police, Henry and Frankie. Oh, oh, dog biscuits.  And when he is happy, he doesn't get happy.  Please, please, to do this. Then Henry, Henry, Frankie you didn't even meet me. The glove will fit what I say.  Oh Kayiyi, oh Kayiyi. Sure who cares when you are through? How do you know this? How do you know this? Well then, oh, Cocoa know, thinks he is a grandpa again. He is jumping around. No Hobo and Poboe I think he means the same thing.

No. If he wanted to break the ring.  No. Please. I get a month. They did it. Come on. [Unintelligible] cut me off and says you are not to be the beneficiary of this will. Is that right? I will be checked and double-checked.  And please pull for me. Will you pull? How many good ones and how many bad ones? Please. I had nothing with him.  He was a cowboy in one of the seven-days-a-week fight. No business, no hangout, no friends, nothing.  Just what you pick up and what you need. I don't know who shot me. Don't put anyone near this check.  You might have.  Please do it for me. Let me get up.  Heh?  In the olden days, they waited and they waited. Please give me a shot.  It is from the factory. Sure, that is a bad... Well, oh good ahead.  That happens for trying. I don't want harmony.  I want harmony.  Oh, mamma, mamma! Who give it to him? Who give it to him? Let me in the district fire-factory that he was nowhere near. It smoldered. No, no. There are only ten of us and there ten million fighting somewhere of you. So, get your onions up and we will throw up the truce flag. Oh, please let me up. Please shift me. Police are here. Communistic... strike... baloney... honestly ...  This is a habit I get.  Sometimes I give it and sometimes I don't.  Oh, I am all in. That settles it. Are you sure? Please let me get in and eat. Let him harass himself to you and then bother you. Please don't ask me to go there. I don't want to. I still don't want him in the path. It is no use to stage a riot. The sidewalk was in trouble and the bears were in trouble and I broke it up. Please put me in that room. Please keep him in control. My gilt-edged stuff and those dirty rats have tuned in. Please mother, don't tear, don't rip.  That is something that shouldn't be spoken about. Please get me up, my friends. Please, look out. The shooting is a bit wild, and that kind of shooting saved a man's life. No payrolls. No wells. No coupons. That would be entirely out. Pardon me, I forgot I am plaintiff and not defendant. Look out. Look out for him. Please. He owed me money; he owes everyone money. Why can't he just pull out and give me control? Please, mother, you pick me up now. Please, you know me. No. Don't you scare me. My friends and I think I do a better job. Police are looking for you all over. Be instrumental in letting us know. They are Englishmen and they are a type.  I don't know who is best, they or us. Oh, sir, get the doll a roofing. You can play jacks, and girls do that with a soft ball and do tricks with it. I take all events into consideration. No. No. And it is no. It is confused and its says no. A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kin. Did you hear me?

I don't know. I didn't even get a look. I don't know who can have done it. Anybody. Kindly take my shoes off. No, there is a handcuff on them. The Baron says these things. I know what I am doing here with my collection of papers. It isn't worth a nickel to two guys like you or me but to a collector it is worth a fortune. It is priceless. I am going to turn it over to... Turn your back to me, please Henry. I am so sick now. The police are getting many complaints. Look out. I want that G-note. Look out for Jimmy Valentine for he is an old pal of mine. Come on, come on, Jim. Okay, okay, I am all through. Can't do another thing. Look out mamma, look out for her. You can't beat him. Police, mamma, Helen, mother, please take me out. I will settle the indictment. Come on, open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps. Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth! Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over here. French-Canadian bean soup. I want to pay. Let them leave me alone.

Tucker Carlson – How Elite Can You Get?

He’s an interesting fella, this Tucker Carlson. 

You’d think, with a name like that, he might be some old country boy. He is, after all, the voice of the people, on Fox News. A modern-day tribune, right?

Well, did you know that …

He has three first names (Tucker Swanson McNear)

None of them are actually first names

He has a brother named Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson

Swanson is for the family that owned the company that created TV dinners

His father was the director of Voice of America & the USIA, a CEO, and an ambassador

He attended a Swiss boarding school, La Jolla Country Day School ($37K / year) & St. George’s School ($65K / year tuition)

Alumni of the last one include John Jacob Astor V & VI, Prescott Bush, Claiborne Pell & William Henry Vanderbilt III

He married the daughter of the school’s headmaster

He has homes in Maine and Florida

He makes $6M / year and has a net worth of $30M

The Other Feller

There are plenty of unique names in the Baseball Hall of Fame. I’m thinking Killebrew, Schoendienst, Fingers, Blyleven …

There are also some that are not as unique as you might think. Would you believe, for example, that there is another Manush, another Coveleski, another Bagwell?

Overall, I was able to find 30 Hall of Famers who shared a surname with just one other MLBer. Interesting, huh?

Now, some of these are relatives – brothers, sons, even nephews and grandsons. In fact, there are even two brothers, Paul and Lloyd Waner, who are both in Cooperstown, with nary another Waner to be found on baseball-reference.com.

That leaves us with 17 Hall of Famers who have just one other namesake on the record. And that means those guys can legitimately claim to be the other Bagwell, or the other Hubbell, or even the other Feller.

#17 – BURKETT

• Jesse – OF, 16 years, .338 lifetime average, 1720 runs, 389 SBs, 3 batting titles, 62.8 lifetime WAR
• John – P, 15 years, 166-136, 2-time All Star, 1-time league leader in wins
• Nickname was “Sheets”
• Lifetime batting average was a lowly .093
• Was also a professional bowler 
• Notched 32 perfect games (as a bowler, of course)
  
  

#16 – GROVE

• Lefty – P; 17 years; 300-141; 3.06 lifetime ERA, 1.278 WHIP; 4-time league leader in wins, 9 in ERA, 7 in K’s; 106.7 lifetime WAR
• Orval – P, 10 years, 63-73, 1-time All Star, on Hall of Fame ballot for 2 years
• All 10 years with White Sox
• Lost a no-hitter against the Yanks with 2 outs in the 9th
• Faced 27 batters in a complete game against the Senators (with 4 baserunners eliminated in double plays)
• 1-time league leader in wild pitches
• Only MLB alum who went to Elmhurst Univ.
• Played minor league ball with the Longview Cannibals
  
  

#15 – HOYT

• Waite – P, 21 years, 237-182, 3762 IPs, 7 World Series, 54.2 lifetime WAR
• LaMarr – P, 8 years, 98-68, Cy Young Award, 2-time league leader in wins, 1-time All Star, 1.214 lifetime WHIP
• Full name was Dewey LaMarr Hoyt
• Won his first 9 decisions (tying a White Sox record shared with ... Orval Grove!)
• Went from leading the league in wins in one year to leading the league in losses the next
• Was arrested several times for drugs, eventually ending up in a Federal penitentiary
  
  

 
#14 – TRAMMELL

• Alan – SS, 20 years, 6-time All Star, 4-time Golden Glover, 3-time Silver Slugger, 70.7 WAR
• Bubba – OF, 7 years, hit 25 HRs with 92 RBIs in 2001
• Given middle name is Bubba, after a Univ. of Tennessee quarterback
• Starred at UT (in baseball), hitting .368 with 22 HRs and 105 RBIs in 2 years
• Ended his career by quitting the Yankees in the middle of the season, citing depression
• Son Brandon played at UT as well
  
  

#13 – CUYLER

• Kiki – OF; 18 years; 321 lifetime batting average; 4-time league leader in SB, with 328 total
• Milt – OF, 8 years, finished 3rd in Rookie of the Year voting, stole 41 bases that year
• Minor league coach for 10 years
• Part of Tigers’ fantasy camp
• Has a LinkedIn profile
• Seems like a genuinely nice guy
  
  

#12 – HUBBELL

• Carl – P; 253-154; 2-time MVP, 9-time All Star; 3-time league leader in wins, ERA; lifetime 2.98 ERA, 1.166 WHIP, 68.2 WAR
• Bill – P, 7 years, 40-63, led league in HRs allowed in 1921
• Attended the Univ. of Idaho
• Skull fractured by line drive
• Wore a steel plate to finish out his career
  
  

#11 – BAGWELL

• Jeff – 1B, 449 HRs, 1517 RBIs, 1529 runs .297 batting average, Rookie of the Year, MVP, 79.9 WAR
• Bill – OF, 2 years, 93 at bats, 2 HRs, .292 BA
• Hit .300 one of those years
• Nickname was “Big Bill” (he was 6’1”, a veritable giant 100 years ago)
• Went to Louisiana Tech
• Batted .402 in the minors in 1922
  
  

#10 – IRVIN

• Monte – OF, 8 years (+9 in Negro Leagues), All Star, led league in RBIs in 1951, .394 average in 2 Series
• Cole – P; 2 years; 2-2; 45 IP; 6.75 lifetime ERA, 1.544 WHIP; active 
• Middle name is “Rj”
• Nickname is “Swirvin’ Irvin”
• In the minors, was a Duck, Crosscutter, Thresher & IronPig
  
  

 

#9 – DUROCHER

• Leo – manager: 2008-1709, 3 pennants, 1 World Series title; player: SS, 17 years, 5350 at bats, 3-time All Star 
• Jayson – P, 2 years, 3-1, 3.09 ERA, 1.066 WHIP
• 99-mph fastball
• Major problems with injuries
• You can follow him on Facebook (though most of his posts seem to be updating his profile picture)
  
  

#8 – MIZE

• Johnny – 1B; .312 lifetime BA; led league in HRs 4 times, RBIs 3 times & BA once; 10-time All Star; 71.3 lifetime WAR
• Casey – P, 1 year, 28 IP, 0-3, 6.99 ERA, active
• Auburn grad
• Threw a no-hitter against Northwestern
• 1st overall pick in 2018
• #11 prospect in baseball for 2021
  
  

#7 – HARTNETT

• Gabby – C, 20 years, .297 lifetime BA, MVP, 6-time All Star, 56.9 lifetime WAR
• Pat – 1B, 1 year, 14 games, .189 average
• Nickname was “Happy”
• In the minors, was an Apostle, Shoemaker, Magician & Clamdigger
• Not to be confused with the Irish hurler
  
  

#6 – RADBOURN

• Hoss – P; 310-194; 2.68 lifetime ERA; once won 60 games, struck out 441 in single seasons
• George – P, 1 year, 1-2, 6.55 ERA, 2.045 WHIP
• Nickname was “Dandy” (or perhaps "Dordy")
• Had a 1.000 fielding average
• May or may not be the source of the kids’ book How Georgie Radbourn Saved Baseball
  
  

#5 – HANLON

• Ned – manager, 20 years, 1313-1164, 5 pennants, sometimes called the “Father of Modern Baseball”
• Bill – 1B, 21 ABs, .095 average
• Nickname was “Big Bill” (though he was only 6’)
• Attended St. Mary’s Coll. (CA) and Santa Clara Univ.
• Played for both Los Angeles and Seattle (their minor league teams, that is)
• Was also a Sacramento Gilt Edge
  
  

#4 – PAIGE

• Satchell – P; 24 years; Negro League: 146-64, 0.921 WHIP, 1620 Ks
• Pat – P, 1 year, 1-0, 16 IPs, 4.50 ERA
• Born in Paw Paw, MI
• Nicknames include “Piggy” and “Mabel”
• Ambidextrous
• 10 years in the minors included a stint with the Benton Harbor Speed Boys
• Hit a bases-clearing double in his 1st MLB at bat
  
  

#3 – FELLER

• Bob – P; 18 years; 266-162; 2,581 SOs; led league in wins 6 times, SOs 7; 8-time All Star
• Jack –  C, 1 year, 1 game, 1 inning, 1 putout, no AB
• Had scholarship offers from both Michigan and Michigan State
• Once played for Hazelhurst-Baxley, in the Class-D Georgia State League
• In the bigs, wore the same number as Bob, 19
• Spent only another year in the minors after his big-league experience
• Hung up his spikes to become a HS basketball coach, winning 4 state championships
  
  

#2 –SCHALK

• Ray – C; 18 years; 5,306 at bats; led league in catcher put-outs 7 times, fielding 4; all-time career leader in DPs turned as catcher
• Roy – 2B, 3 years, 282 games, 1112 ABs, 
• Wartime starter (1944 & 1945) for the White Sox
• Only other year in the bigs was 1932 (for 3 games)
• Led the AL in sacrifice hits in ‘45
• First name was actually LeRoy
• Played 20 years in the minors, including stints as player/manager
• Ended his minor league managing career by going 38-101 for the C league El Dorado Oilers
  
  

#1 – PLANK

• Eddie (Edward Stewart) – P, 17 years, 326-194, 4,496 IPs, 2,246 SOs 
• Ed (Edward Arthur) – P, 2 years, 10 IPs, 5.23 ERA, 1.839 WHIP, .500 fielding average
• Played for the Univ. Of Nevada (baseball & football)
• Is in the Wolf Pack’s Hall of Fame
• 72-57 in 8 minor league seasons
• Looked surprisingly like the Pirates’ Steve Blass (esp. with that hat on!)
  
  

Very Unusual Diseases

I really debated sharing this. I mean, honestly, I’m making fun of diseases!

There sure are a lot of them out there though. And some of have some really funny names too.

I should know. I suffer from a rare disease called Large Vessel Vasculitis. It’s an autoimmune order where your immune system attacks your own large blood vessels (like the aorta). It affects 1 out of every 100,000 people. 

And that’s been my entrée into the wild and wonderful world of wackily-named syndromes and disorders. While waiting for my diagnosis for my rather blandly-named disease, I had to contend with the possibility that I might have Giant Cell Arteritis, or Churg Strauss Syndrome, or Henoch-Schönlein Purpura, or Goodpasture Syndrome.

I actually got quite into the world of rare diseases. And this blog post is the result. 

Gallows humor, I guess.

So, what I’ve got here is 50 rare diseases with the most interesting names from this awesome list from NORD, the National Organization of Rare Disorders. Shall we get started?

1. African Iron Overload – like it says, abnormally elevated levels of iron in the body, first identified and more common in Africa; AKA Bantu Siderosis
2. Arterial Tortuosity Syndrome – like it says, the lengthening and twisting of arteries throughout the body
3. Blue Diaper Disease –  genetic disorder resulting in the incomplete breakdown of tryptophan in the intestines, causing bluish urine
4. Blue Rubber Bleb Nevus Syndrome – characterized by lesions on the skin or just under that are often dark blue; AKA Bean Syndrome
5. Bullous Pemphigoid – chronic autoimmune skin disorder featuring blisters, hives, and itching
6. Cat Eye Syndrome – chromosomal anomaly causing colobomas, gaps in the iris below the pupil that makes the eyes appear catlike
   
   
   
   
   
7. Complete DiGeorge Syndrome – the absence of a thymus at birth; contrasted with DiGeorge Syndrome, which means a merely underdeveloped one
8. Cri du Chat Syndrome – a chromosomal anomaly where newborns’ cries sound like cats’ meowing
9. Dandy Walker Malformation – a congenital defect affecting the cerebellum; named for two doctors who studied it extensively; AKA Luschka-Magendie Foramina Atresia
10. Duane Syndrome – a congenital eye movement disorder; AKA Duane Radial Ray Syndrome, Duane's Retraction Syndrome, Stilling-Turk-Duane Syndrome
11. Fatal Familial Insomnia – like it says, a genetic disorder that keeps sufferers from sleeping and which can even lead to death
12. Floating Harbor Syndrome – genetic condition with a number of different symptoms; named for the two hospitals where it was first discovered, Boston Floating Hospital and Harbor General Hospital in California
13. Fragile X Syndrome – a chromosomal anomaly where the X chromosome is damaged, resulting in many various symptoms
14. Geographic Tongue –  inflammation of the tongue with a map-like pattern (if you have a good imagination); AKA Wandering Rash of the Tongue
15. Goodpasture Syndrome – autoimmune disorder featuring inflammation of the kidneys and excessive bleeding into the lungs; named after Dr. Earnest Goodpasture, its discoverer
16. Grover’s Disease – characterized by temporary small red lesions, typically on the chest and back; AKA Transient Acantholytic Dermatosis
    
    
    
    
    
17. Hailey-Hailey Disease – genetic disorder featuring rashes and blisters on the neck, armpits, skin folds and genitals; AKA Benign Chronic Familial Pemphigus
18. Hairy Cell Disease – blood cancer characterized by thin, hair-like projections on B lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell); AKA Leukemic Reticuloendotheliosis
19. Hairy Tongue – lengthening and overgrowth of the bumps on your tongue, forming a brown or black coating
20. Harlequin Ichthyosis – genetic skin disorder where newborn is covered with plates of thick skin that crack and split; AKA Harlequin Fetus, Harlequin Baby Syndrome
21. Imperforate Anus – absence or abnormal location (vagina, bladder, etc.) of the anus
22. Jumping Frenchman of Maine – neurological disorder featuring an unusually extreme startle response; first seen in a community of French-Canadian lumberjacks
    
    
    
    
    
23. Kabuki Syndrome – characterized by distinctive facial features, suggesting the makeup of a Kabuki actor; hence AKA Kabuki Makeup Syndrome
24. Leprechaunism – an abnormal resistance to insulin, causing short stature and unusual facial characteristics, suggestive of a leprechaun 
25. Locked-In Syndrome – neurological disorder where the patient is completely paralyzed but conscious
26. Lymphocytic Infiltrate of Jessner – characterized by lesions on the skin caused by a buildup of white blood cells; AKA Jessner-Kanof Lymphocytic Infiltration
27. Maple Syrup Urine Disease – genetic disorder where urine and earwax smell like maple syrup; AKA Branched-Chain Ketoacid Dehydrogenase Deficiency
28. NORSE (New Onset Refractory Status Epilepticus) – continuous seizures that seemingly come from nowhere
29. Palmoplantar Pustulosis – like it says (if you know Latin, that is), characterized by blisters on the palms of the hand and feet; AKA PPP
30. Pentalogy of Cantrell – set of five birth defects that appear together, affecting the heart, lungs, bones & many other parts of the body; AKA Cantrell Deformity
31. Prader-Willi Syndrome – genetic disorder featuring an insatiable appetite; subject of actress Mayim Bialik’s PhD dissertation; AKA Willi-Prader syndrome, Prader-Labhart-Willi syndrome, Hypogonadism Hypotonia Hypomentia Obesity (HHHO)
    
    
    
    
    
32. Prune Belly Syndrome – congenital absence of the abdominal muscles, resulting in a severely wrinkled abdomen; AKA Eagle-Barrett Syndrome
33. Pseudo Hurler Polydystrophy – genetic disorder resulting in a build-up of toxic materials in the body’s cells due to enzyme deficiencies; a milder form of Hurler Syndrome
34. Pure Autonomic Failure – abnormal accumulation of a certain protein in autonomic nerves, resulting in low blood pressure upon standing up; AKA Bradbury-Eggleston syndrome
35. Q Fever – infection common among farmworkers and others who work with animals  
36. Schnitzler Syndrome – autoimmune disorder featuring a red rash; not to be confused with Schindler Disease, Schinzel Syndrome, or …
37. Shprintzen Goldberg Syndrome – `a disease of connective tissue, with symptoms resembling Marfan Syndrome (which Lincoln may have had); AKA Marfanoid-Craniosynostosis Syndrome
    
    
    
    
    
38. Sprengel Deformity – congenital condition where one shoulder blade is higher than the other; AKA Scapula Elevata
39. Stiff Person Syndrome – characterized by progressive muscle stiffness and spasms
40. Sweet Syndrome – a buildup of neutrophils (white blood cells) in the skin, resulting in fever and a rash; identified by a Dr. Robert Sweet
41. Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome – the foot’s version of carpal tunnel syndrome
42. Tethered Cord Syndrome – like it says, a set of symptoms caused by the spinal cord’s becoming attached to the spine, limiting its movement & causing a number of different symptoms
43. Tetralogy of Fallot – set of four heart defects that appear together; characterized by a blue tint to the skin
44. Timothy Syndrome – genetic disorder primarily affecting the heart; often results in webbed fingers and toes; named after Dr. Katherine Timothy, who first described it
45. Tooth and Nail Syndrome – genetic condition causing absence/deformation of teeth and small/undeveloped finger and toe nails
46. Tropical Sprue – tropical disease causing the intestines to not absorb enough nutrients
47. Usher Syndrome – genetic disorder causing deafness and blindness; named for Dr. Charles Usher, who studied it
    
    
    
    
    
48. Visual Snow Syndrome – neurological condition making one’s visual field resemble “snow” on an old TV; AKA Persistent Positive Visual Phenomena
49. Wandering Spleen –  weakness or absence of the ligaments holding the spleen in; AKA Displaced, Drifting, and Floating Spleen
50. Whipple Disease – very similar to Tropical Sprue (and also know as Secondary Non-Tropical Sprue); first described by Nobel Prize winner Dr. George Hoyt Whipple

Goodnight Moon (Disruption Edition)

With apologies to Margaret Wise Brown

Goodnight bookstore

Goodnight shopping mall

Goodnight newspaper, that brought me news

Goodnight movie theatre

Goodnight taxis

Goodnight record store, that brought me tunes

Goodnight video store

Goodnight phones

Goodnight objectivity, in the news

Goodnight jobs

Goodnight democracy

Goodnight world, goodnight

2020 Presidential Election Prediction

Gotta get it all down.

It’s certainly been in my head for a good long while. And as the big day approaches, it seems to take up more and more space up there. Heck, as an old political junkie, I’ve actually used it to fight insomnia, kind of like a particularly obsessed way of counting sheep.

So, with 2 weeks to go, my predictions for the 2020 presidential race …

Worst Case

I’m not sure my heart and nervous system could take another one of these, but here you go. This is really just taking various maps out there and turning everything that wasn’t at least “likely” blue to red.

Squeaker

This one basically takes the worst-case scenario and adds in the “leans” blue states, adding only enough of those to get Biden over the line (and in order of how they were polling on 538.com).

This could actually be the way things look on Wednesday morning if:

• The South stays red 
• The upper Midwest reverts back to blue

Best Case

I wish. This one takes the “leans” blue plus all the toss-ups (and one “leans” red, Texas) and paints them all blue. It’s really not that far-fetched, at least according to current polls. We’ll see …

Fantasyland

What if we eliminated all the “leans” and “likelys” from multiple sources, having them breaking blue, in both cases? You’d get something crazy (and highly attractive and extremely unlikely), like this:

My Prediction

I’m gonna play it safe here. This one simply takes the squeaker scenario and throws in two more states – Florida and Arizona – that seem to have a pretty good shot of reversing their 2016 votes.