Thursday, October 13, 2016

Misnamed Sports Teams

Some team names are fairly generic, and could be applied to anyone. You’ve got your fierce animals – tigers, bears, bulls, panthers. You’ve got your fierce birds – eagles, falcons, hawks, raptors. You’ve got your fierce people too – giants, titans, vikings, warriors. You’ve even got your fierce things – jets, rockets, bullets, thunder.

Some, on the other hand, are particularly suited to the city they’re located in. I’m talking Knicks, Celtics, Steelers, 76ers, 49ers, New Jersey Devils …

And some, like the following, don’t seem to make any sense at all …

#10 – Los Angeles Dodgers (MLB)

So, what is a dodger anyway? Someone who dodges things? Hey, this is baseball we’re talking about here, not dodge ball, okay?

Now, I’m sure you know that the Dodgers took their name with them when they moved from Brooklyn to LA. The team was originally called the Trolley Dodgers. I think it has something to do with public transportation back in the 19th Century. I guess we could update things and have Angelenos try and cross 110.

#9 – Orlando City (MLS)

I take it this is to distinguish them from Orlando United, or perhaps Orlando County. Orlando Athletic? Orlando Town?

Okay, so they’re trying to make this sound like an English soccer team. And, yes, it doesn’t sound too bad. 

I’ve got to wonder, though, what non-soccer fans think of it.  “The Orlando Cities? Why did they call themselves the Cities?”

BTW, they are also known as the much more Murcan-friendly Lions.

#8 – Cleveland Cavaliers (NBA)

So, you may ask yourself, what does Ohio’s second-largest city have to do with the English Civil War? Yup, according to, a cavalier is:

an adherent of Charles I of England in his contest with Parliament

Oh, but of course, you’re probably thinking of definitions 1, 2, and 3:
  • a horseman, especially a mounted soldier; knight.
  • one having the spirit or bearing of a knight; a courtly gentleman; gallant.
  • a man escorting a woman or acting as her partner in dancing.

Okay, well, maybe not that last one.

Bet you do didn’t know that the name was the result of a contest, held way back in 1970. Winner Jerry Tomko posited that the Cavaliers “represent a group of daring, fearless men, whose life’s pact was never surrender, no matter what the odds.”

Like this gentleman here

#7 – Los Angeles Clippers (NBA)

A clipper was a very fast sailing ship of the early to mid-1800s. They were typically built in New England and used to get valuable goods around Cape Horn. In particular, they were used to get tea to the Eastern Seaboard and to get people and supplies to San Francisco during the Gold Rush.

They have nothing to do with Los Angeles. 

They may have, however, have something to do with San Diego. Turns out the Clippers started in SD. They lasted there for 6 years, from 1978-1984. There was also a slightly better chance that an actual clipper ship actually might berthed in that city once too.

Another contest "winner." Runners-up include:
  • Grunions
  • Starships
  • Seagulls
  • Oarsmen
  • Koalas
  • Skunks
  • Gob
  • Zoo

Or perhaps they meant one of these

#6 – Real Salt Lake (MLS)

Here’s another attempt to make American soccer teams sound like European ones. The particular model here is Real Madrid, probably the best European team – and the most lucrative one in the whole world – out there right now.

Real Madrid is actually short for Real Madrid Club de Futbol, or – en ingles – the Royal Madrid Football Club. So, in actuality, “Real Salt Lake” really means “Royal Salt Lake.” I’m assuming that’s for all those famous Mormon kings and queens then, right?

Well, at least it’s better than the names of the some of the older SLC soccer teams. Golden Spikers anyone? Blitzz?

Looks like we’ve got another poll winner. The runner ups were the Highlanders and the Pioneers. That last one is a traditional name for teams in the Mountain West region. Woulda worked just fine here, if you ask me.

BTW, no shortage of other blogs backing me up on this one:

Blitzz also happens to be the name of a hair band
(who woulda thunk it?)

#5 – Arizona Cardinals

Google tells me that the northern cardinal, cardinalis cardinalis, does indeed exist in Arizona. It’s at the very edge of its range, though, and is something of a rarity. This is in marked contrast to its near ubiquity in the eastern part of the U.S. The cardinal is, in fact, the state bird for no less than 7 states – Illinois (where the football team came from originally), Indiana, Kentucky, North Carolina, Ohio, Virginia, and West Virginia. But not, alas, Arizona. The most common birds in Arizona, on the other hand, are:
  • Gambel's Quail
  • White-winged Dove
  • Mourning Dove
  • Inca Dove
  • Anna's Hummingbird
  • Gila Woodpecker
  • Cactus Wren
  • Northern Mockingbird
  • Curve-billed Thrasher
  • European Starling
  • Great-tailed Grackle …

The Arizona Grackles would have been such a better name

#4 – Los Angeles Lakers (NBA)

Because there are so many lakes around LA? 

No, because there are so many lakes in Minnesota, dummy! Yup, that’s where the Lakers got started. Now, that’s a great name for a team from the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Not so good, however, for a semi-arid region prone to dry rivers, droughts, and wildfires. 

Few people know it, but The Lakers were originally the Gems, and once called Detroit home.

A Los Angeles lake

#3 – Memphis Grizzlies (NBA)

Because there are so many of them in eastern Tennessee? 

Actually, there are no grizzlies east of Wyoming. Nor are there any black bears, or brown bears, or any other kind of bear in the area. Eastern Tennessee, however, is another matter. I should know. I used to live there. I’ve met them!

Yup, we’ve got another relocation story on our hands here, folks. The Memphis Grizzlies actually started out in Vancouver, where grizzlies actually are indeed native.

"Grizzly Gets Date with Miss Tennessee" (

#2 – Utah Jazz (NBA)

When I think about great jazz – Ornette Coleman, the Bird, Coltrane, the Blue Note, Monk – I always think of Utah.

So, looks like we’ve got another relocation deal. As you probably already guessed, the Jazz originally came from Columbus, OH. Oh, wait a minute. Check that. The internets are telling me that the Jazz originally came from New Orleans. Huh! Who woulda thunk it?

Overall – and based on all these terrible misnomers – I have to wonder if all of us sports fans didn’t dodge a bullet when the following teams changed cities but didn’t keep their old names. Can you imagine the:
  • Washington Packers (MLB)
  • Oklahoma City Super Sonics (MLB)
  • Los Angeles Bridegrooms (MLB)
  • Tennessee Oilers (NFL)
  • Carolina Whalers (NHL)
  • New Jersey Rockies (NHL)
  • Kansas City Texans (NFL)

#1 – Anaheim Ducks

From all those lakes? You know, like with number 4?

Okay, this is the most embarrassing backstory out there. Turns out Disney put out a movie in 1992 called The Mighty Ducks. It was set in Minnesota, and was about a kids hockey team. It sounds like it was supposed to be heart-warming, but garnered a 6.4 / 10 on IMDb and 15% rotten rating on Rotten Tomatoes. As major studios are wont to do, they used this baby as the basis of 3 more films, called – imaginatively – D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks, and Mighty The Ducks Movie: The First Face-Off

Monday, September 19, 2016

Crazy Investment Terms

My company recently bought a brokerage firm. So, instead of dealing with basic consumer stuff like money market accounts, balloon mortgages, and such like, I now get to deal with this. (Source:

Hope you enjoy the pix as well. They're what you get when Google-image this stuff.

Abandoned Baby Pattern
A rare candlestick pattern in which an upside gap doji star (where the shadows do not touch) is followed by a downside gap black candlestick where the shadows also do not touch; considered a major top reversal signal.

Arms Ease of Movement
Developed by Richard W. Arms, Jr., this analysis routine expands on Mr. Arms' Equivolume charting tool by quantifying the shape aspects of the plotted boxes. The purpose of this quantifying is to determine the ease, or lack thereof, with which a particular issue is able to move in one direction or another. The ease with which an issue moves is a product of a ratio between the height (trading range) and width (volume) of the plotted box. In general, a higher ratio results from a wider box and indicates difficulty of movement. A lower ratio results from a narrower box and indicates easier movement. This ratio is then related to a comparison between today's and yesterday's trading-range midpoint values to determine the ease of movement value (EMV). A moving average is then applied to the EMV value-the moving average period can be varied in order to make the EMV flexible as a trading tool.

Bandpass Filter
An oscillator that accentuates only the frequencies in an intermediate range and rejects high and low frequencies. Implemented by first applying a low pass filter to the data and then a high pass filter to the resulting data (e.g., two SMA crossover system).

Bollinger Bands
Bollinger bands plot trading bands above and below a simple moving average. The standard deviation of closing prices for a period equal to the moving average employed is used to determine the bandwidth. This causes the bands to tighten in quiet markets and loosen in volatile markets. The bands can be used to determine overbought and oversold levels, locate reversal areas, project targets for market moves, and determine appropriate stop levels. The bands are used in conjunction with indicators such as RSI, MACD histogram, CCI and Rate of Change. Divergences between Bollinger bands and other indicators show potential action points. As a general guideline, look for buying opportunities when prices are in the lower band, and selling opportunities when the price activity is in the upper band.

Bollinger Station is a rockin', fun band!
We specialize in country – new country and the great classics.
We cover all the big hits your guests will love to party and dance to. 

Box-Jenkins Linear Least Squares
The additive structure of Box-Jenkins models with a polynomial structure. Box-Jenkins Method From G.E.P. Box and G.M. Jenkins, who authored Time Series Analysis: Forecasting and Control. The method refers to the use of autoregressive integrated moving averages (ARIMA), which fit seasonal models and nonseasonal models to a time series.

Chaikin Oscillator
The Chaikin Oscillator is created by subtracting a 10-period exponential moving average of the Accumulation/Distribution line from a 3-period moving average of the Accumulation/Distribution Line.

Crack Spreads
The spread between crude oil and its products: heating oil and unleaded gasoline plays a major role in the trading process.

Cross on the Board
When an investment dealer has both an order to sell and an order to buy the same stock at the same price, the transaction is allowed without interfering with the limits of the prevailing market.

Cum Rights
This means 'with rights.' Buyers of shares quoted cum rights are entitled to forthcoming rights.

Cutler's RSI
Cutler's RSI is a slight variation of Welles Wilder's original Relative Strength Index. The RSI is a momentum oscillator used to identify overbought and oversold conditions by keying on specific levels, generally 30 and 70, on a chart scaled from 0 to 100. The study can also be used to detect the following:^1. Movement that might not be as readily apparent on the bar chart^2. Failure swings above 70 or below 30, which indicate reversals. Support and resistance. Divergences between RSI and price

A price series that has been smoothed by a mathematical technique such as a moving average. This first series of smoothed price data is then smoothed a second time.

Fast Fourier Transform
A method by which to decompose data into a sum of sinusoids of varying cycle length, with each cycle being a fraction of a common fundamental cycle length.

Gann Square
The Gann Square is a mathematical system for finding support and resistance based upon a commodity or stock's extreme low or high price for a given period. Attainment of a particular price level in a square tells you the next probable price peak or valley of future movement. The probable price levels tend to be more reliable if they are extrapolated from Gann Square values along one of the major axes of the Gann Square. The Gann Square is generated from a central value, normally an all-time or cyclical high or low. If a low is used, the numbers are incremented by a constant amount to generate the Gann Square. If a high is used, the numbers are decremented during the square generation.

Gray Knight
A term used to describe an acquiring company that outbids a white knight. Since the acquiring company is not unfriendly, management of the target company considers it better that the white knight be outbid by a gray knight than that the white knight be outbid by a hostile company or raider.

A strangle where the call and the put are in-the-money.

In candlestick terminology, a small real body contained within a relatively long real body.

Iron Butterfly
The combination of a long (short) straddle and a short (long) strangle. All options must have the same underlying and have the same expiration.

Irregular Flat
A type of Elliott wave correction that has a 3-3-5 wave pattern, where the B wave terminates beyond the start of wave A. A "flat" is in progress, implying that a larger pattern is developing. It will contain waves of one higher degree than the A-B-C waves just completed.
Descriptive measure of how flat or pointed a distribution is.

Leg Out
In rolling forward in futures, a method that would result in liquidating a position.

Ljung-Box Statistic
A chi-square test of significance of higher order correlation existence. The marginal significance level is the probability that a no more higher order correlation exists.

Naked Writer
A seller or writer who has sold stock or a stock option contract for stock that he or she does not own. Also referred to as a naked writer.

Norton High/Low Indicator
The Norton High/Low indicator uses results from the Demand Index and the Stochastic study and is designed to pick tops and bottoms on long-term price charts. Two lines are generated: the NLP line and the NHP line. The system also uses level lines at -2 and -3. The NLP line crossing -3 to the downside is the signal that a new bottom will occur in 4-6 periods, using daily, weekly, or monthly data. Similarly, the NHP line crossing -3 to the downside indicates a new top in the same time frame. The indicator tends to be more reliable using longer-term data (weekly or monthly). When either indicator drops below the -3 level, a reversal may be imminent. The reversal (or hook) is the signal to enter the market. For greater reliability, use the Norton High/Low Indicator together with other studies for confirmation.

Piggy Back Warrants
Some warrants entitle the holder to acquire shares plus additional warrants at a later date. The warrants that are received upon the exercise of the initial warrants are known as piggyback warrants.

Running Stops
Something which when quoted, floor traders use to move the market. When stops are bunched together, traders may move the market in order to activate stop orders and propel the market further.

A dedicated computer system for options calculations and simulations.

Schwarz und Weiß mit Neonlämpchen

Shaved Candlestick
In candlestick charting, when the shadows of a candle which mark the area between the real body and the extremes and give the appearance of being wicks are absent.

The linear interpolation between two adjacent points on a curve.

Stochastic Indicator
The Stochastic Indicator is based on the observation that as prices increase, closing prices tend to accumulate ever closer to the highs for the period. Conversely, as prices decrease, closing prices tend to accumulate ever closer to the lows for the period. Trading decisions are made with respect to divergence between % of "D" (one of the two lines generated by the study) and the item's price. For example, when a commodity or stock makes a high, reacts, and subsequently moves to a higher high while corresponding peaks on the % of "D" line make a high and then a lower high, a bearish divergence is indicated. When a commodity or stock has established a new low, reacts, and moves to a lower low while the corresponding low points on the % of "D" line make a low and then a higher low, a bullish divergence is indicated. Traders act upon this divergence when the other line generated by the study (K) crosses on the right-hand side of the peak of the % of "D" line in the case of a top, or on the right-hand side of the low point of the % of "D" line in the case of a bottom. Two variations of the Stochastic Indicator are in use: Regular and Slow. When the Regular plot of the Stochastic too choppy, the "Slow" version can often clarify the Stochastics.

Strange Attractor
A balance point between a set of conflicting forces.

Synthetic Straddle
Futures and options combined to create a delta neutral trade.

Telegrapher's Equation
A variation of the diffusion equation that describes minor differences in the drunkard's walk, in which the random decision controls the change in direction rather than the direction itself.

Weak Hands
A term referring to people who believe that declining markets will decline further because traders with long positions are not bona fide hedgers and will not accept delivery but will sell before maturity to reduce their risk.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

North Carolina Surnames

Funderbark, Barefoot, Hunsucker, Poovey, Formy-Duval …  Not only are these names a little, um, unusual, but they’re also about as Tar Heel as it gets.

Believe me, I know. I’ve been collecting names like these since I can remember. I’ve found them in newspapers, in phone books, in cemeteries, meeting people, driving down the street – you name it. 

And I always check to make sure that these are indeed North Carolina names – that the Old North State leads the nation in Clodfelters, or Bumgarners, or Crumplers.

Barefoot – This one is originally from Barfuss, the German word for “barefoot.” It probably just comes from someone who habitually went around that way. It’s most famous holder is a judge, the wonderfully named Napoleon Barefoot, from the southeast corner of the state.


Blackwelder – Though this one does have something to do with the word “black,” it has nothing to do with welding. It’s from the German Schwarzwalder, with the first part translated and the second part Anglicized into something totally unrelated.  It actually denotes someone whose ancestors came from the Black Forest, or Schwarzwald, in Germany.

Bumgarner – You may already be familiar with this one – if you’re a baseball fan that is. Madison Bumgarner is a starting pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, was the 2014 Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year, and was born and lives in Hickory. The name itself comes from the German Baumgartner, which literally translates as “tree gardener,” and means someone who worked in an orchard.

AKA, Mad Bum

Clodfelter – It seems a bit of a stretch, but Clodfelter ultimately ties back to the Swiss town of Glattfelten. Dan Clodfelter, former mayor of Charlotte, is probably the most famous holder of this name.


Cloninger – Cloninger is from another town in Germany, this particular one lost in the mists of time. Tony Cloninger, a pitcher from Cherryville is probably the most well-known Cloninger out there. He’s particularly famous for having once hit two grand slams in one game – not something that many batters have done, let alone pitchers.

Crumpler – A bit of a mystery name, we do know at least that this one if English. Its most famous holder is probably Alge Crumpler, Greenville native and former Pro Bowl tight end.

Faircloth – This one is also English, is more typically spelled “Fairclough,” and denotes someone who came from a “beautiful valley.” It’s a fairly well-known North Carolina family, which includes a U.S. senator (Lauch) and a U.S. representative (John). 

Lauch and friend

Formy-Duval – A genuine oddity, this double-barrel name traces back to French nobility. The original Formy-Duval was a physician who fled the French Revolution and ended up in the swamps of southeast North Carolina. His progeny were among the inhabitants of Crusoe Island, an island in Green Swamp that was famous for its isolation.

The good doctor

Funderburk – Possibly my personal favorite, Funderburk is another good German name that got completely butchered by English-speaking neighbors. It was originally Von der Burg, meaning someone who came “from the castle.” David Funderburk was a U.S. representative and the ambassador to Romania. 

Grindstaff – Yet another German surname, Grindstaff probably originated as Frenzhof, the name of a town in Germany. Not totally sure how one turned into the other, but we North Carolinians have always been a creative bunch, right? 

Holshouser – Continuing our German theme, Holshouser began as Holzhauser, which denotes someone who lived in a house made of wood (holz). Jim Holshouser was governor from 1973 to 1977.

Jim wasn't yet 40 when he was sworn in

Honeycutt – Back to England for this one. The name literally means “honey cottage,” and probably means someone who may have been a bee keeper. There is a Honeycutt Park, in Raleigh.

Hunsucker – Here’s another Swiss town. Once again, we’ve lost a little in translation, with the town actually being spelled Hunzicker. Interestingly, there were actually a fair amount of Swiss settlers in the early days of North Carolina. A number of them settled in the New Bern area, naming that town after the city and canton in Switzerland. 

Klutz – Now, that’s unfortunate. It’s much better in German, though, where it means “spring.” Some unfortunately named NC businesses with this name include Klutz Towing (Salisbury), Klutz Lawn Care (Rockwell), and Klutz Building (Concord).

Lineberger – Back to Germany for this one. The name denotes someone who lived in the town of Leinberg, in Bavaria. The Linebergers are a well-known textile family from Gaston County. There is a Lineberger Cancer Research Center named after them at UNC Chapel Hill.

It was also the name of a famous fish camp (now Mr. T's)

Locklear – Locklear is an English name, is usually rendered as Lockyer, and means “locksmith.” It is typically associated with the Lumbee tribe, in the south central part of the state. And, yes, Heather Locklear does trace her name back to North Carolina and the Lumbees.

Luckadoo – Luckadoo is our only Irish name on the list. It was originally McAdoo, and means “black hound.” 

Misenheimer – Like Lineberger, Misenheimer points to a town in Germany.   Meisenheim is in Rhineland-Palatinate, in the east-central part of the country. NC also features its own town called Misenheimer, the site of Pfeiffer University and roughly halfway between Salisbury and Albemarle.

Overcash – Well, there certainly are a lot of Germans in the Old North State. And we Tar Heels certainly do know how to butcher their names. Overcash was originally Oberkirch, which means “upper church.” It, too, is the name of a town in Germany, this one in Bavaria.

Pickler – Kellie Pickler was a famous contestant on American Idol. Her name is German as well, was originally Pichler, and denotes someone who likes to imbibe. I’m sure the expression of being “pickled” for someone who’s drunk has got to be related.

Poteat – This one is simply a Tar Heel version of the French Petite, meaning “little.” William Poteat, known as “Doctor Billy,” was a president of Wake Forest and leader of the Progressive movement in North Carolina.

Poovey – Our only Welsh name on the list, Poovey actually means “son of Hova.” How can that be? Well, the Welsh for “son of Hova” would be ap Hova. Similar names include Price (ap Rhyss), Pugh (ap Hugh), Perry (ap Harry), and Pritchard (ap Richard). See how that works?

Rivenbark – And back again to Germany. Rivenbark comes from the German Reifenberg. And that is from the town of the same name in Rhineland-Palatinate. A good deal of early settlers in NC came from this region. Celia Rivenbark, a humorist located in Wilmington, has written such book as Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits; You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning; and You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl.

Stikeleather – Another butchering of a perfectly fine German name, Stikeleather comes from Steigleder, which denotes someone who made stirrups.

Swicegood – It’s seem only appropriate to finish with another butchering of a perfectly fine old German name. Swicegood is from Schweisgut, which literally means “sweat good,” and was a nickname used for blacksmiths.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Olympic Power

Could Olympic medals be an accurate surrogate of world power over time? I’m thinking, in particular, of early successes from traditional powers like France and Britain. I also know the Germans put on a good show when the Nazis came to power. Finally, there’s the arch-rivalry between the US and Soviet Union after WWII, as well as the recent rise of China.

I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it? A powerful nation should be able to draw on its resources of people and money and expertise. And Olympic medals would also seem to be something that any nation that’s striving for world leadership would see as an easy way to quantify where they stand with their rivals.

So, let’ see if it’s true …

  • I focused on what country won the most medals.
  • To make sure that representation wasn’t too narrow, I included the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place winners. To give credit where credit was due, though, I awarded 3 points for 1st, 2 for 2nd, and 1 for 3rd. Kind of like gold, silver, and bronze.
  • I limited this to the summer Olympics. The winter Olympics are just too particular (to countries where it is cold some of the time), but any nation can run, and jump, and swim, right?
  • I eliminated any countries that only totaled 3 or more points. I figured you could get that with just one good showing (which is, indeed, what Greece did in 1896).
  • I combined East and West Germany.


So, here’s what I came up with:


A couple of notes:
  • The US has been the dominant nation since the start, reflecting the 20th Century’s common title as the “American Century.”
  • In the early years, The US’s main rivals were the traditional powers of Europe – in particular, France and Britain (and Sweden?).
  • Europe – having managed to destroy itself in WWI – pretty much stagnated after that.
  • The one possible exception here, though, is Germany, which first rose to prominence with the Nazis, then again after WWII, and is now the dominant player in Europe.
  • After WWII, Germany was joined by the Soviet Union, reflecting the arch-rivalry between the US and the Evil Empire. Interestingly, that rivalry seems to have never really gone away. 
  • Recent developments show Germany joining the other European powers in going stagnant.
  • Its place seems to have been taken by China, reflecting its recent growth since turning away from Communism.

So, how will the 2016 Olympics play out? Will China continue its run? Will Russia, with its drug scandals, give up a place to someone else? Will that someone else be Germany? Who else might step in?

Friday, July 22, 2016

People You May Know ...

Ah, LinkedIn. So many people marketing themselves … and without any idea how to do so.

These are real, honest-to-goodness photos people took to “sell their personal brand.” I got them all from simply following the People You May Know feature to end of the Internet. I’m not sure I actually know any of them though. Hey, thanks anyway, LinkedIn.

Needless to say, all these poor people will necessarily have to go anonymous. I have included their job titles (some of which are a hoot in and of themselves).

Marketing Manager (Enough about me – let’s talk about you)

CIU Manager (Hey, have you been working out?)

Non-Functional Test Solutions Manager (mug shot – nice!)

Sr. UX Visual Designer (funny, though – Sprockets does not appear on his resume)

Roots Muse Media Gypsy (No, really, what do you really do?)

Patient Access (put a lot of effort into this shot – I can tell)

UX Designer (in a blurry, anonymous kind of way)

Higher Education Technologist, Digital Marketer and Content (and Total Geek to boot)

Co-founder (Of what though? Hmm … Sorry, can’t remember)

Front End Developer (taken at a developer’s conference, no doubt)

Director, Senior Solutions (yo, over here, Mr. Director)

Team Manager, Principal User Experience Designer and Product Owner (okay, now up a little, Mr. Team Manager, Principal User Experience Designer and Product Owner)

User Experience Designer (and wild and crazy guy, I’m sure)

Technical Recruiter (and man about town)

Experienced Change Leader (Stop it! You make my neck hurt!)

UX Content Strategist (and you made me fall off my chair!)

Interaction Design Product Manager (if you must ask)

Graduate Teacher of Record / PhD Student (and an obviously superior person to you)

VP Technology Manager - Application Security Testing (but not too damn happy about it)

Senior AIX System Administrator (and having an absolute ball!)

Contract Consultant for Sales and Recruiting (“Don’t know why I even bother”)

Manager, Global Product Management (“God, why don’t I just kill myself?”)

Senior Web Engineer (and probable serial killer)

Senior Interaction Designer (and pirate???)

CCO, Co-founder (and obviously having a little fun at our expense)

Chief Cloud Architect  

Busboy at Olive Garden (‘nuff said)