Sunday, September 15, 2019

Most Famous Murderers by Country

Well, I already did this by state. So why not do this by country?


You know, there are a lot of countries out there. I definitely had to limit this somehow. 
I did have two great sources though – Wikipedia and Murderpedia. So what I ended up doing was just combing through those two, country list by country list. 

Needless to say, there were plenty of entries, but what I found was that if a particular entry took up at least ten pages of text (on both sites), there was a pretty good chance that we were dealing with somebody of some import. And if we were dealing with a country large enough for a couple of these folks, well the one with the most pages was the winner.  All in all, it gave us a nice round two dozen.

Oh, it also helps if I’ve heard of these people before. Honestly, I know a creepy amount about this stuff.

#24 – Finland:  Pekka-Eric Auvinen

Not sure how this one made it, to tell you the truth. It honestly just seems like another school shooting – depressingly so.  Perhaps it’s where it happened, not exactly known for this sort of thing. That, and then this super weird picture of the perp.

#23 – New Zealand:  Brenton Tarrant

If the name doesn’t sound familiar, the event probably does. Yup, this is the guy who shot up the mosques, just this year. The final death toll was 51. Other than that, New Zealanders don’t seem to be a very murderous bunch. Indeed, this white nationalist perp was actually an Australian.

#22 – Denmark: Peter Lundin

Another Scandinavian one, but this time with a definite American twist. Turns out this guy, born in Denmark but raised in the US, also committed his first murder there – of his mum, supposedly because she wanted him to cut his long hair. It was at that time that Lundin “starred” in a Danish documentary (see picture below). After serving part of his sentence, he was expelled back to Denmark, where he took up with a sex worker, then killed and dismembered her and her two children. Lots of legal, media, and even diplomatic attention were to follow.

#21 – China:  Yang Xinhai

It’s a big country. There’s a lotta people there. It’s not too surprising they’re going to be on this list. Sure enough, this guy would account for 67 deaths. He specialized in wiping out whole families, usually farmers like himself. His MO would involve farm implements – axes, hammers, shovels, etc. – as well as rape. In classic PRC style, he would be executed with a shot to the back of the head.

#20 – Sweden:  Thomas Quick

No, you’re right – that’s not a very Swedish name. Indeed, Quick was born Sture Ragnar Bergwall. He changed his name in the midst of a long, meandering career in and out of prisons and psychiatric institutions. In one of the latter, he confessed to over 30 murders, scattered all over Scandinavia. Based pretty much solely on those confessions, he would be convicted of eight murders over six trials. Upon withdrawing those confessions, however, he would then be released. It would all result in three books, one film, and a lingering question of, Did he or didn’t he?

#19 – South Africa:  Moses Sithole

Here’s one you may have not heard of. One thing that makes Sithole stand out, though, is the body count – at least 38. Another is that his crimes merited their own name, the ready-for-prime-time “ABC Murders” (though really only after the Johannesburg suburbs he was active in). Finally, Sithole found his victims by advertising for positions in a shell charity he had set up, the ironically named Youth Against Human Abuse. 

#18 – Australia:  Ivan Milat

Son of a Croatian immigrant father and Australian mother, Ivan Milat was a country boy who liked to ride his ATV and go hunting. Unfortunately, his quarry would sometimes include backpackers and hitchhikers. The Backpack Murderer would be fingered by one who got away, then connected to seven bodies in the local national forest. The victims were all young people travelling about the country, and included Australians, Brits, and Germans. Milat would be known for some bizarre behavior in prison, including severing a pinkie with a plastic knife and swallowing razor blades. No shortage of movies, books, and TV for this one.

#17 – Colombia:  Pedro Lopez

Ever heard of the Monster of the Andes? Well, you should have. This guy was convicted of 110 murders, and confessed to 300. He’s the second most prolific serial killer of all time. His prey were young girls in Peru, Ecuador, and Colombia. Lopez also has an unfortunate history of being released from prison, and is in fact currently at large.

#16 – Italy:  The Monster of Florence

Our first unsolved! Sure enough, this unknown perp was responsible for 16 deaths in the area of Florence from the late 60s into the 80s. Notice that that was an even number. Indeed, the killer’s MO was to stalk couples making out in lovers lanes, then blow them away. Or should I say “killers’”. Yup, the Italian authorities were pretty certain it was a gang, a gang that they called the Snacks Companions (sorry, something must have been lost in translation). The book, film, and television references themselves take up a whole page in Wikipedia on their own.

#15 – Belgium:  Marc Dutroux

Super creep out alert! Yup, this guy was famous for pedophilia and the murders of young girls. He and his wife, Michelle Martin, accounted for at least five teen and pre-teen girls that they abducted, tortured, and murdered. All this happened in the grittiest areas of Belgique, where Dutroux, a successful electrician, happened to own multiple rundown properties. A sensational trial, police scandals, and parliamentary involvement ensued. Hard to top this entry from Wikipedia though: “The Dutroux case is so infamous that more than a third of Belgians with the surname ‘Dutroux’ applied to have their surname changed between 1996 and 1998.”

Marc et Michelle

#14 – Canada:  Robert Pickton

Hey, it’s the Pig Farmer! Robert Pickton inherited a pig farm in the city of Port Coquitlam, a suburb of Vancouver. Selling parts of the farm off to the growing city, he would become a millionaire. Pretty much giving up on pig farming except as a hobby, Pickton would divert himself by picking up hookers on Vancouver’s skid row, driving them back to his place, killing them, grinding them up with a wood chipper, then feeding them to his pigs. The final death toll was 49. The story also features plenty of police bungling and extensive court trials, and would result in the usual books, TV, and movies, but also a number of songs by punk and metal bands.

#13 – Egypt:  Raya & Sakina

Yup, no last names. I guess that’s the way they did it back then. These two sisters – along with their husbands – set up quite the operation in 1920s Cairo. Basically, the two women lured local neighborhood ladies to their homes, plied them with liquor, suffocated them, then buried them beneath the tiles of their homes. A local jeweler was more than happy to fence the jewelry that they scored. Since that time, their story has fueled three movies, a play, and a TV series.

#12 – Mexico:  Delfina & Maria Gonzalez

Here are two ladies that deserve to be a lot more well known. These two sisters buried more than 90 corpses on the grounds of the ranch/brothel they owned. Most of the victims were trafficked prostitutes who had lost their usefulness. The two were not, however, above offing those johns who showed up with lots of cash. Plenty of lurid details, a sensational trial, and rumors of bribes and Satanism have made this one a particular favorite. One of the sisters died mad in prison. The other somehow lived long to be released, finishing out her life in total obscurity.

#11 – Spain:  Enriqueta Marqui

Kind of amazed I never heard of this one – it’s quite the story. Indeed, it’s called the “Black Legend,” and involves high society, a pedophilia ring, witchcraft, and an attractive procuress leading a double life. Let me explain … Marti, a former prostitute, set up shop around the turn of the 20th Century as a provider of children to the elite of Barcelona. During the day, she would dress in rags to find her urchins. At night, she would dress in finery, then market the ones she had cleaned up and groomed at all of the top spots in the city. To top it all off, she would dispose of her young charges by turning their remains into various potions, which she would then market to the same elite as something of a witch doctor. Wow!

#10 – Austria:  Jack Unterweger

Handsome, stylish, and an author, Jack Unterweger was something of a literary and media darling. Originally convicted of a single murder, he would begin his writing career while in prison. Released after 15 years in response to pleading from the intelligentsia (including famous German author Guenter Grass), Unterweger would become a journalist and TV host. And a serial killer. Yup, he would begin a string of 11 murders in the space of about a year and spanning Europe and the US. As a journalist, he even wrote about some of the murders he committed. After a dramatic flight around the world, he was arrested, convicted, and would then commit suicide in prison.

#9 – Asia:  Charles Sobrajh

Born in Vietnam, but half Indian, Sobrahj would commit his crimes all over Asia. Honestly, the guy was quite a jet setter. A classic psychopath, Sobrajh was cultured, charming, handsome, loved the limelight, and was able to attract acolytes wherever he travelled. Released after 20 years in prison in India, he would move to Paris where he would become something of a celebrity. Returning to Asia for some reason, he would be arrested and sentenced to life in prison in Nepal. Specializing in hippie chicks, Sobrajh would be known as the Bikini Killer.

#8 – France:  Henri Landru

An inveterate swindler, Landru would switch from business schemes to lonely hearts scams. In particular, he would get women to hand over their savings, then lure them to two villas outside Paris, where he would kill them, then dismember and incinerate their bodies. He was convicted of killing 11, but his total may have gone as high as 72. He corresponded with 283 women in total. All this took place during WWI, when all the men were at the front (or dead) and policing was particularly light. He may have gotten away with a lot more, but was tracked down by the sister of one of his victims. A sensational and celebrated trial (with Collette and Maurice Chevalier in attendance) resulted in a guilty verdict, with Landru finally losing his head on the guillotine. The case resulted in no less than 17 books (most in French) and several films (including one by famous director Claude Chabrol).

#7 – Japan:  Shoko Asahara

There’s nothing like a good cult tie-in to ensure a good place on this list. Remember Aum Shinrikyo? They were a death cult behind a gas attack in Tokyo’s subway back in the 90s. Cult members released sarin gas, accounting for 12 deaths and over 1,000 injuries. This guy was their leader. Blind from birth, he fashioned his beliefs from a mix of Hinduism, Christianity, and extreme paranoia. He also thought he was Jesus. He, and 12 other cult leaders, would swing for their crimes.

#6 - Norway:  Anders Breveik

I honestly didn’t want to include this guy (too recent, too horrible), but the body count is pretty mind-boggling. Breveik would account for 77 total – 8 from a bomb in Oslo, and 69 mostly teens on an island at a summer camp. Just to make this guy even more charming, his motive was pure ethnic hatred. 

Here are some interesting tidbits about this guy that don’t usually get mentioned:

  • His father was a diplomat
  • His mother, who raised him, was basically totally crazy
  • As a teen, he was into hip-hop and graffiti
  • He had cosmetic surgery
  • He saw himself as the “future regent of Norway, master of life and death, inordinately loving, Europe's most perfect knight since WWII,” and “Knight Justiciar Grand Master" of the Knights Templar.

#5 – Russia:  Andrei Chikatilo

When you’ve got three nicknames, you know you’re big time. Andrei Chikatilo, AKA the Butcher of Rostov, AKA the Red Ripper, AKA the Rostov Ripper, killed 50-some women and children during the 1980s. A sexual psychopath, Chikatilo might not even got away with the first one – let alone his 56th – if it weren’t for repeated police bugling. He was executed in classic Soviet style with a gunshot to the head.

#4 – Germany:  Peter Kurten

Ah, yes, the Vampire of Dusseldorf. AKA the Dusseldorf Monster, Kurten committed his first murders at age 9 (he also enjoyed incest, bestiality, and arson at an early age). He would become known, however, for lustmord, and was arguably the first documented sexual psychopath killer. Accounting for at least nine murders and over 30 attacks, he would be turned in by his own wife. He would then be executed by beheading, an event he creepily would look forward to. In fact, you can see his head, split in half for your viewing pleasure, at the Ripley’s in Wisconsin Dells. Director Fritz Lang would base his classic movie M on Kurten’s story.

#3 – Hungary:  Elizabeth Bathory

Just to let you know that murder is not just a modern thing, the Blood Countess was active primarily in the 16th Century. Bathory was the mistress of Čachtice Castle while her husband was away at war and then later after he died. There, and at several other properties she owned, she tortured and then killed what may have been hundreds of servant girls. Probably because of her noble connections, she was able to avoid execution, but was bricked up in a set of rooms in Čachtice. Numerous legends would be later added to her story, the most popular of which was that she bathed in the blood of virgins to keep her youth.

#2 – USA:  Charles Manson

There’s a lot of competition for this one, but I don’t think anyone captured the public imagination and generated as much coverage as old Charlie. The crimes were surely sensational enough – brainwashed hippies in thrall to a cult leader murder Hollywood celebs in an exceedingly gruesome way. Add to that a surefire Trial of the Century, and it’s no wonder that the crimes resulted in the best-selling true crime book of all time (Helter Skelter), 11 documentaries, and numerous works of fiction and even band names. 

#1 – UK:  Jack the Ripper

Honestly, this is where it all started. Now, it wasn’t that there hadn’t been crazed murderers like Jack before. It’s just that a combination of newly literate masses, newspapers created just for them, an enormous metropolis, and a truly sensational series of crimes basically created the idea of crime journalism. It’s also the classic whodunit, with no true killer identified – though plenty of suspects, some of them risible – after 130 years. Finally, the impact of the crimes on culture and society have been incalculable. Wikipedia list 23 works of fiction, an opera by Alban Berg, Hitchcock’s first blockbuster, songs by Dylan and Morrissey, and too many movies, non-fiction books, and TV shows to count.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Funny-Sounding Food

I came home with some barfi the other day. You know, the Indian sweet? For some reason, none of my family wanted to try it.

You know, there are a lot of different cuisines out there … and a lot of different dishes. It’s not too surprising that some of these are going to sound a little odd to English speakers. Now, wouldn’t it be fun to put those all in a listicle?

To make all this manageable, though, I had to come up with some ground rules. In particular, I limited it to stuff I could find on Wikipedia. Basically, I just looked at articles for every national and regional cuisine I could find, keeping a special eye out for lists. 

Not too surprisingly, I found a ton. In fact, I had to break them into no less than – hold on, let me count ‘em up – nine groups!

Bon appetit!

Something Just Doesn’t Sound Right

  • Plov – what rice pilaf is called in Central Asia
  • Snert – the Dutch version of split pea soup
  • Chaunk – in Bangladesh, “a garnish made by frying mustard seed, asafoetida, and other whole spices in oil or ghee to release the flavours. Can be added to soups, curries, etc., at the end of cooking.”
  • Guthuk – “a noodle soup in Tibetan cuisine. It is eaten two days before Losar, the Tibetan New Year and is a variation on Thukpa bhatuk.”

Unfortunately, Guthuk just so happens to look just like it sounds

False Cognates

  • Financier – a small French cake made with almonds
  • Rolex – “an egg omelette and veggies wrapped in a chapati,” popular in Uganda
  • Dodo – fried plantains, in Nigeria
  • Sundae – Korean blood sausage
  • Pap – corn porridge, a staple of the Bantu
  • Munkki – cardamom donuts, a food eaten in Finland on May Day
  • Brik – the Tunisian version of bourek, a savory, stuffed pastry popular in the Balkans and throughout the Mediterranean region
  • Fool – an English dessert made with stewed fruit and custard or whipped cream
  • Cat’s Ear – a kind of Chinese noodle, shaped like a … cat’s ear
  • Ear-hole fried cake – a fried Chinese pastry filled with bean paste and looking like … a human ear!?!?
  • Walkie talkie – chicken feet, heads and giblets, served with pap (!!!) and popular in South Africa
  • Bra – an Italian cheese from the village of … Bra

"Excuse me, waiter,
there's a cat's ear in my stew."

False Cognates II

  • O mai – salted or sugared dry apricot, a street food in Vietnam
  • Seen dat – Laotian-style barbecue
  • Wet tha chin – a Burmese dish of preserved minced pork and rice
  • Phat mama – stir-fried instant ramen noodles, popular in Thailand

Yo mama's so phat

Pure Poesy

  • Floating island – a French dessert of meringue floating on crème anglaise
  • One man thousand – fried anchovies, popular throughout West Africa
  • The Four Northeastern Simmerings – pork with cellophane noodle, free range chicken with honey fungus, catfish with eggplant, and pork ribs with common bean
  • Protect the country dish – a soup made for the Chinese emperor when he was fleeing from the Mongols (way back in the 13th Century)
  • Angels on horseback – oysters wrapped in bacon
  • Pig in a blanket – the American version of sausages wrapped in pastry, a dish actually popular throughout most of northern Europe
  • Bubble and squeak – a British breakfast made up of whatever was left over from last night’s dinner, though traditionally it should include potatoes and cabbage
  • Hoppin john – rice and beans with bacon or ham, popular in the southern US
  • Crossing the bridge noodles – a noodle soup from China
  • Buddha jumps over the wall – a version of shark’s fin soup so delicious that Chinese monks would abandon their monasteries and vows to partake of it
  • Ants climbing a tree – another Chinese dish, this one made up of noodles and ground meat (which clings to the noodles, giving the dish its name)
  • Toad in the hole – sausages in Yorkshire pudding batter, from the UK

Bubble and squeak 
(and, quite possibly, the original "dog’s breakfast")

Back to Basics

  • Water-cooked meat – a soup from the Szechuan region of China (and, despite the name, very spicy)
  • Goat water – goat stew, the national dish of the Caribbean island of Montserrat
  • Oil down – a stew from the Caribbean island of Grenada
  • Run down – a seafood soup served throughout the Caribbean
  • Naked oats noodle – a Chinese noodle dish, made from Avena nuda, a type of oat that separates easily from its hull
  • Fried triangle – a stuffed dumpling, popular as a street food in Beijing
  • Stir-fried starch knots – a kind of Chinese pasta, cooked with meat and veggies

“You gonna eat your knots?”

Just Plain Weird

  • Beer duck – duck cooked in beer, a popular dish in the Chinese regions of Hunan and Szechuan
  • Sea spider salad – a salad made from spindly marine animals (of the class Pycnogonida), popular in Croatia
  • Snow fungus soup – a Chinese soup made from a white tree fungus (also known as white wood ear)
  • Golden Muscle Wine – a kind of Cambodian liquor (and with a picture of a bodybuilder on the label)
  • Turtle shell with smilax pudding – a jelly-like desert made from ground-up turtle shell and roots of the smilax plant, popular in China for its medicinal properties
  • Jade rabbit sea cucumber – a Chinese dish that, though it does indeed involve sea cucumber, does not appear to involve either jade or rabbit
  • Caterpillar fungus duck – duck stuffed with a fungus that grows out of dead caterpillars, a rare delicacy (and supposed aphrodisiac) in Tibet and the Himalayas
  • Flower mushroom frog – a Chinese dish combining frog and a kind of mushroom called … flower mushrooms
  • Fiery pupil immortal duck – another Chinese dish, this one combining duck and ham
  • Stinking bishop – an English cheese with a strong odor

Half caterpillar, half fungus – all gross

Ew, Gross!

  • Japanese fluvial sculpin – a “rather ugly fish,” but with a “very sophisticated. sweet taste” (“fluvial” simply means it lives in rivers)
  • Bile up – “the cultural dish of the Kriols of Belize: a combination of boiled eggs, fish and/or pig tail, with cassava, yams, or sweet potatoes, plantains, and tomato sauce,” all “boiled” together
  • Dried water buffalo skin – a kind of jerky, popular in Laos
  • Wood tar – in Finland, a flavoring “made from tree sap extracted from burning wood, most commonly pine” and used in “alcohol, ice cream, sweets, chewing gum, lemonade, and meat”
  • Edible dormouse – a species of mouse, Glis glis, eaten by the Romans and still popular in the Balkans
  • Bat curry – a curry … made from bats, popular in Asia 
  • Goat/sheep's intestine filled with blood – a dish popular in Beijing.  Need I say more? 
  • Monkey gland sauce – a sauce used on hamburgers and such, popular in South Africa (and which “does not involve monkeys in any way”)
  • Pig blood curd – basically a kind of blood pudding found in Southeast Asia, also known as “blood tofu”
  • Jellied moose nose – kind of like the Canadian version of head cheese

"You want some fries with that dormouse?"

Gross False Cognates

  • Rag pudding – a British dish a “consisting of minced meat and onions wrapped in a suet pastry, which is then cooked in a cheesecloth”
  • Skirts and kidneys – an Irish stew made from pork kidneys and skirts (trimmings from around the diaphragm)
  • Botok – in Indonesia, coconut meat, mixed with meat or fish, then steamed in banana leaves
  • Plazma cake – a Serbian cake made from ground-up Plazma-brand biscuits
  • Pocari Sweat – a Japanese sports drink
  • Krap – how you say “carp” in Montenegro
  • Barfi – an Indian sweet made from milk and sugar
  • Cholera – a baked Swiss tart, made of potatoes, cheese, vegetables, and fruit

Not sure which are the skirts and which are the kidneys
(though I know those white things are potatoes)

Just Slightly Off Color

  • Crystal balls – in China, a type of candy as well as a dumpling
  • Faggots – meatballs made from offal, popular in the UK 
  • Khao poon – a spicy soup made with rice and vermicelli and popular in Southeast Asia
  • Pig’s organ soup – a Chinese soup made with pig offal (in particular, liver, heart, intestines, stomach, tongue, and blood cubes)
  • Diks – a Moroccan drink
  • Spotted dick – a British desert, made with suet and dried fruit 
  • Phat prik – a spicy, dry Thai curry

Not to be confused with Mr. Faggot’s Pork Brains 
(in a Rich West Country Sauce)

Friday, June 21, 2019

Experience of Democratic Presidential Hopefuls

Hard to believe, but there are 25 declared Democratic presidential candidates out there. How are we going to ever tell them apart?

Well, one very traditional method was to look at their experience. And here I mean political experience. Yeah, running a company or marshaling troops are great experience, they are a tad indirect. But it's just not the same.


And by political experience, I don’t mean dog catcher or school board. I’m talking about something with some serious chops. Something at the federal level is an obvious choice. But even here there’s a big difference between VP or Senator and a clerk at the State Department or air traffic controller with the FAA. In particular, I see the following as totally legit:

  • VP
  • Cabinet secretary 
  • US Senator
  • US Rep

Now, how about something more local? Governor’s an obvious one. Not so sure about lieutenant governor though, or state senator, or anything below governor level really.

One thing I like about being governor is that it’s an executive position – i.e., it’s kind of like being the president of your own state. Same thing goes for mayors. Of course, Possum Lick, AR has a mayor, so they’re really not all equal, are they? Judgement call, right? So, Pete Buttigieg, you’re in! Wayne Messam, mayor of Miramar FL? Sorry.


So, this is how it all broke out:


  • Biden wins pretty easily.
  • Sanders is, not too surprisingly, pretty close on his heels.
  • There’s a definite group at 12 years or so.  And that group represents some definite names – Booker, Klobuchar, Gillibrand – with some definite who-dat’s as well.
  • There are no less than 9 with 6 years, including a fair amount of front runners – Buttigieg, Warren, O’Rourke. Some of the rest, though, I’d never even heard of before.
  • Kamala Harris has been in the US Senate only a year! Well, I’ll be dipped.
  • The actual nominee’s probably going to be either Andrew Yang or Marianne Williamson. I mean, it worked for Trump, right?

More Notes:

  • Only 1 candidate was in 3 or more positions - Bernie Sanders.
  • Amy Klobuchar had the most years in 1 position - 12 years as a US Senator
  • The greatest number of candidates were US senators:

  • The Senate also accounts for the most years in office - in fact, about half

Sunday, June 9, 2019

Famous Stars Who Started Out in Terrible Movies

You gotta start somewhere. C’mon, you’re a kid from Indiana, you took a Greyhound to Hollywood, you’ve got a job at TGI Friday’s ... You’re going to take whatever you can get.

And that’s especially the case if you weren’t already famous through some other route – Hollywood royalty, Broadway, TV, singer, comedian … I’m talking Julie Andrews, Carrie Fisher, Jennifer Anniston, Doris Day, Bette Midler, Will Smith, Eddie Murphy …

Now, chances are it’s not going to be a starring role either. I mean, it’s bad enough to be in Zombie Bikers from Outer Space, but if you’re also an extra, or uncredited, or 2nd barmaid, it’s gonna hurt even more. (That said, you might just be a nobody in a really good flick. Did you know, for example, that Morgan Freeman’s first role was as an extra in The Pawnbroker?)

So, who are these folks?


  1. Looked at a couple of lists of the top 100 actors and actresses
  2. Found their first movie on IMDb (excluding shorts, videos, etc. – but more than happy to include TV movies)
  3. Saw what the ranking was, going with those that were less than 5.0 out of 10
  4. Listed them here

12  Tom Hanks

He Knows You’re Alone – 4.9


A reluctant bride to be is stalked by a serial killer who only kills brides and the people around them. While her friends get whacked one by one, a hard boiled renegade cop whose bride had been killed years before tries to hunt him down before it is too late. Meanwhile, the bride has to figure out if it is all in her imagination or not, aided by her ex-boyfriend.

"Every girl is frightened the night before her wedding, but this time... there's good reason!"


11 Tom Cruise

Endless Love – 4.8


Two young teenagers, Jade Butterfield and David Axelrod, fall in love with each other. But the passion is too consuming for Jade's bohemian parents. Her parents try to stop them from seeing each other. But when this doesn't work, David burns down the house and is sent to a mental hospital. This doesn't stop him from seeing her. When he gets out, he goes to look for her and remains in love with her. But in the end, the passion for his first love is too strong and she has to leave or this love will kill both of them.

"She is 15. He is 17. The love every parent fears."

10 Joe Pesci

Hey, Let’s Twist! – 4.8

Dancer at the Peppermint Club (uncredited)

The rise, fall and rise again of the Peppermint Lounge nightclub is chronicled. The sons of the Peppermint Lounge nightclub owner nearly topple the club's initial success by redesigning the place but realize their mistake.

"The Exciting Movie About THE Sensation!"

9 Paul Newman

The Silver Chalice – 4.7


A Greek artisan is commissioned to cast the cup of Christ in silver, and sculpt around its rim, the faces of the disciples and Jesus. He travels to Jerusalem and eventually to Rome to complete the task. Meanwhile, a nefarious interloper is trying to convince the crowds that he is the new Messiah, by using nothing more than cheap parlor tricks.

"I bid you seek the lost Silver Cup... for Sin is rising like the swollen rivers..."

8 Demi Moore

Choices – 4.7


Partially deaf teenager Carafotes becomes alienated when prevented from playing football because of his handicap. He must deal with his parents, coach, teammates, his new girlfriend and a bad crowd he almost falls into, before confronting the school board.

"Youth won't always take no for an answer!"

7 Leonardo Di Caprio

Critters 3 – 4.3


In what appears to be a cross between Critters and The Towering Inferno, the residents of a shoddy L.A. apartment block are chased up to the roof by hoards of the eponymous hairy horrors.

"You are what they eat"

6 Robin Williams

Can I Do It Until I Need Glasses? – 4.3

Lawyer / Man with Toothache

A comedy comprised of short sexually suggestive skits

"It's the nuttiest, naughtiest, looniest, gooniest, funniest madcap comedy of the year!"

Actually a year or two before

5 Charlize Theron

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest – 4.1

Eli’s Follower (uncredited)

Two young Gatlin residents are orphaned after the younger brother kills their father. So, the terror of Gatlin goes urban when the two boys are placed in the custody of two foster parents. The younger brother (who by this point is established as the "evil one") bought some corn seeds along for the road and plants them in the courtyard of an abandoned warehouse, bring He Who Walks Behind the Rows to the city. He winds up possessing his high school peers, and soon his older brother feels called to stop him.

"An Adult Nightmare is about to show its face in the heart of a city!"

4 George Clooney

Grizzly II: The Concert – 3.8


All hell breaks loose when a giant Grizzly, reacting to the slaughter of Grizzlies by poachers, attacks at a massive big-band rock concert in the National Park.

"The Stage Is Set... And The Dinner Is Served."

3 Julia Roberts

Firehouse – 3.1

Babs (uncredited)

Some sexy women get out of Fire Fighter School and go for the jobs they trained for, but first they must survive their male counterparts teasing them.

"When the fire's out...the heat is on"

2 Sandra Bullock

Hangmen – 3.0

Lisa Edwards

Danny Greene is just like every sixteen-year-old kid...except that a secret splinter group of the CIA wants him dead. Danny Greene is running for his life. Enter Danny's father, an ex-Greene Beret equipped with a rag-tag bunch of urban guerillas and an entire arsenal of weaponry. But can five former commandos defeat the largest, most thorough network of government-sanction assassins in the world? In this high-stakes world, before the case even gets to trial, someone's already called the Hangmen.

"In this world no one is innocent, and if you want to live, you've got to beat the Hangmen."

Yup, that's a kaffeya

1 Harrison Ford

Malibu Hot Summer – 2.5

John Logan

John Logan is a poor little rich boy. He learns to love from three nubile L.A. newcomers that will do anything to be introduced into the sizzling nightlife of the City of Angels. Portraying the Malibu beach life by day, and the L.A. club life by night, Sizzle Beach U.S.A. is a stunning insiders critique on the sex and drug lifestyle of the West Coast swinger scene in the early 80s.

"Hot sand! Hot bodies! Hot Costner!"