Funny WBC Names

Finally got around to watching the WBC. Unfortunately, it was just the final (and my team lost!). I love baseball, but it’s hard to compete with soccer and March Madness.

One player, though, really caught my attention – Lars Nootbar. It wasn’t just the crazy name though (I vaguely recall seeing him play in the MLB playoffs for … was it St. Louis?). What the heck was he doing playing for Japan? 

If you’d like to know – and want to hear some other crazy names – continue reading.

Jake Rabinowitz – Czech Republic

What’s a nice Jewish boy doing playing for the Czech Republic? Jake: Team Israel needs you.

Interestingly, Jake’s an American. Born in New York City, he played college ball at Fordham. From there, he went to the Extraliga, the Czech national league. He was basically their Shohei Otani. 

He pitched 1 perfect inning in this year’s WBC.

And he’s a schwartzer!

Evan Rutckyj – Canada

I’d like to buy a vowel …

Evan was born in Windsor, drafted by the Yankees, but never made it out of AA. After being released by them, the pitcher bounced around some independent, minor & other leagues in Canada, Mexico, Japan & Australia.

This year’s WBC was not Evan’s best work. In 2.2 innings, he gave up 5 hits, 2 walks & 4 runs.

Oh, by the way, it’s pronounced “ROOT-skee.”

Not a young Harrison Ford

Lance Lynn – USA

I love the alliteration on this one. It also reminds me of Lance Link, Secret Chimp, a TV show from my youth that featured … you guessed it, chimps playing spies.

Alright! Here’s somebody I’ve heard of before. Indeed, Lance has been in the bigs for 11 years, has a record of 123-84, was a two-time All Star & a one-time World Series winner. 
In the WBC, Lance started two games, posting a 1-0 record with a 3.00 ERA, 0.78 WHIP & 8 K’s in 9 innings.

Lynn has battled weight issues throughout his career. He’s currently listed at 275. He lists his favorite foods as pizza, beer & vodka (I am not making that up).

BTW, he’s married to the equally wonderfully named Dymin Lynn.

Mitchell Stumpo – Italy

Now, Stumpo’s pretty great all on its own. But combine it with the very non-Italian-sounding Mitchell …

But wouldn’t you know – the majority of Team Italy is made up of Americans (with Italian heritage, I would assume). Indeed, their manager is none other than Hall-of-Famer Mike Piazza.

As for Mitchell, he’s a NC native, attended Guilford College there, and was drafted by the D-Backs in 2017. The pitcher made it to AAA last year.

In this year’s WBC, Stumpo pitched 3 innings; gave up a couple of hits, 1 walk, and no earned runs; and struck out 5.

Yup, the Amarillo Sod Poodles

Yimi Garcia – Dominican Rep

Yippin’ yimminy, it’s Yimi!

Here’s another one I’m familiar with. If I hadn’t watched him in the postseason the last three seasons, though, I’m not sure I would be.

Yimi’s basically a middle reliever. Over 8 years, he’s been in over 300 games, with a strikeout per inning, 18 saves, but a 16-25 record. 

In this year’s WBC, he pitched 2 innings, giving up a walk, 2 hits, and an unearned run.

Oh, c’mon, Yimi – cheer up!

Rowdy Tellez – Mexico

Rowdy Roddy Piper, right? Well, how about Rowdy Randy Tellez?

Another pretty familiar name. The first baseman has been up for 5 years, playing with Toronto and Milwaukee, blasting 78 homers and notching 216 RBIs in that time.

I was a little disappointed to learn “Rowdy”’ is a nickname. His real name is Randy John, and he was born & raised in Sacramento.

His paternal grandfather played in the Mexican Baseball League though. Rowdy's Jewish through his mother, however, so I guess he could have played for Israel as well.

Another follower of the Lance Lynn diet?

Joshwan Wright – Panama

Apart from Mr. Wright, a Google search on “joshwan” is giving me a kind of chair, a pair of Indian guys & a couple of dudes named Josh Wan.

Our Joshwan was drafted by the A’s in 2018, and has yet to make it past high A. In his four seasons, he’s played every position except short and first base. 

Poor Joshwan got only one AB in the WBC, making an out.

Norwith Gudino – Venezuela

Checking in with Google again, I see that “norwith” is typically a misspelling of “norwich.”  You know, like Norwich, CT or Norwich City FC, or Norwich Terrier?

When I search on “norwich gudino,” however, I see that our guy was signed by the Giants in 2015 and spent 8 years in their organization. After being released (after testing positive for drugs), he signed with the Red Sox. Over his career, he’s been a Volcano, a Green Jacket & a Flying Squirrel.

Sick flow, dude

Warwick Saupold – Australia

Got a weird last name? Well, make sure you give your kid an odd first name as well.

Kind of surprised I never heard of this guy before, as he did make the majors. In particular, he was a reliever for the Tigers for three years. Overall, he had an ERA of 4.98, a WHIP of 1.584, but a record of 8-4. He went by the imaginative nickname of “Aussie.”

He also played in Australia for a couple of years before Detroit, as well as in the Tigers’ minor league system for the same amount of time. After the bigs, he played in Korea for a few years.

 

Finally, he’s also played in the WBC for Australia three times. This year, he pitched 2.2 scoreless innings.

Mug shot for assault in a Toledo bar

Chen Chen – China

Short, sweet, efficient …

Not a lot out there on this dude. All I could find was that he plays in the CPBL (Chinese Professional Baseball League), is primarily an outfielder, and has a pretty mediocre bat (.205 BA, with about a third of his at-bats being strikeouts). He’s still young (24), though, so maybe there’s hope. He plays for the Fubon Guardians.

Poor Chen got 12 at bats during the WBC, with nary a hit, but with 5 strikeouts. The Chinese team went a woeful 0-4.

There was actually a lot more info on this Brooklyn poet of the same name

Yoennis Yera – Cuba

Once again, can’t beat the alliteration. Especially when both names begin with a weird letter like Y. 

This guy’s a little older, at 33. A pitcher, he’s played for teams in Cuba and Mexico. He has been – in English translation – an Olmec, Horseman, Crocodile & Cotton Picker. He threw a no-hitter as an Olmec. He’s been in the WBC two times running.

Just to make things more confusing, he’s also referred to as Yoanni and Yoenni.

Algodonero = cotton picker

Cheslor Cuthbert – Nicaragua 
Cuthbert’s bad enough. Combine it with the made-up Cheslor, though, and – congratulations! – you’ve made it onto to this list.

Cheslor is currently playing in the Mexican League, but previously played 6 years in MLB, almost all for the Royals. The corner infielder totaled over 1000 at bats, slugging 27 HRs, notching 119 RBIs, and batting .250 on the nose. He was the Royals’ starting third baseman for one year, batting .274 with 12 homers & 46 runs batted in.

What’s interesting about Cheslor is that he was born on Corn Island, in the Caribbean. Most people don’t realize that Nicaragua’s Caribbean islands and eastern coast were a British protectorate until 1894. Thus, Cheslor grew up speaking a creole English, and had to learn Spanish when he joined the Nicaraguan team.

By the way, his middle name is Jesly.

Or should I say, feliz cumpleanos?

Johneshwy Fargas – Puerto Rico

Honestly, wouldn’t Johnny have been distinct enough? I mean, for a guy from Puerto Rico?

Fargas (often misspelled “Vargas”) was in the majors for a single year, with that year being split between two teams, the Mets and the Cubs. The outfielder got 52 at bats, with no homers, 5 RBIs, 4 runs, and another .250 BA on the dot. 

Before and after, he played nine seasons in the minors, in the Giants, Mets & Cubs organizations. He has been a Volcano, Greenjacket, Rumble Pony & Flying Squirrel. 

Poor Johneshwy got only one AB in the WBC, failing to do anything with it.

Shlomo Lipetz – Israel

Shlomo, the Hebrew Samuel, is one of my all-time favorite names. It’s just so fun to say.

Though born in Tel Aviv, Lipetz now lives in Brooklyn. In addition to any baseball duties, he’s also Vice President of Programming and Music Director at City Winery, in Manhattan.

Shlomo’s baseball career started with a visit to NYC as a kid, catching a Mets game while there. He then made his way to the Little League World Series, pitching for the Israeli team at age 10. 

Next, it was college ball at UCSD, following that up with semi-pro leagues in the States as well as teams in Mexico and Israel. He also played for Team Israel in the European Baseball Championship and the Olympics. 

This is his second WBC. He is the only native-born Israeli on the club, with everyone else being born in the US (but Jewish, I would assume).

He even has his own bobblehead

Woo Suk Go – South Korea

Anytime you can get “suck” into a name, you know you’ve got a winner.

Here’s Woo-Suk’s complete entry on Wikipedia:

“Go Woo-suk (Korean: 고우석; born August 6, 1998) is a South Korean professional baseball pitcher currently playing for the LG Twins of the KBO League. He competed in the 2020 Summer Olympics.”

Caught channeling Bob Gibson here

Nabil Crismatt – Colombia

What the heck is a “nabil”? Or a “Crismatt,” for that matter?

Well, actually, Nabil is an Arabic name, meaning “noble.” As for Crismatt …

Put the two together, though, and you’ve got a major league reliever who played the last three year with the Cards and Pads. He’s been in over 100 games, for 150 innings, an 8-3 record, 3.38 ERA, and 144 Ks. In the minors for 10 years, he’s been a Cyclone, Traveler, Chihuahua, Firefly & Tomato-Picker. 

He’s appeared for Team Colombia at the Pan American Games and twice in the WBC.

In this year’s WBC, Nabil got a start, going 4 innings, giving up 3 hits & 1 run, and striking out 4.

Wait, he was a Rumble Pony too?

Lars Nootbaar – Japan

It’s a great name all on its own. But what is this guy doing playing for Japan?

So, first things first. Lars is indeed half Japanese, on his mother’s side. His father, on the other hand, is an American of Dutch (and English and German) descent. 

Lars was born and raised in Southern California, playing his college ball at USC. An outfielder, he played the last two years for the Cards, notching 290 at bats, 14 dingers, but only a .228 average.

Lars has a brother named Nigel, who played in the Orioles org. Yup, Nigel Nootbar.

Hi Mom!

Kungkuan Giljegiljaw – Chinese Taipei

Most of these guys are named Chen. How in the world did this guy get in here?

This is actually his aboriginal Taiwanese name (he’s a member of the Paiwan tribe). It’s pronounced “gong-kwon gi-li-gi-lao.” He actually changed it from Chu-Li Jen.

A catcher, Kungkuan played in the Guardians org for 5 years, making it as far as AAA, but only getting 4 at bats there. He’s been in the CPBL, Taiwan’s professional league, for the past 3 years.

He did quite well in the WBC, getting 12 ABs, batting .333, and tallying 1 homer & 3 RBIs.

Have no idea what that thing on his cap is

Cam Opp – GB

Here I was thinking I’d find a good Nigel Sillybottom or Benedict Codswallop-Bummerton. I certainly wasn’t expecting something like this.

Wouldn’t you know, he’s a bloody Yank! Born in Colorado, Cam (short for Camrin) attended West Point! Turn out he, like the author, is a dual national.

After playing a year in an independent league, Cam was signed by the Mets. Unfortunately, his 2 years in the minors has resulted in a 4-12 record, with a 6.98 ERA and 1.723 WHIP. 

In the WBC, he pitched 1 inning, giving up 1 run on 2 hits and 3 walks. Team GB didn’t make it out of pool play, going 1-3.

Sicnarf Loopstock – Netherlands

Oh, c’mon! Somebody’s trolling me, right?

There’s actually a simple explanation for this. Sicnarf is simply his father’s name, Francis, backwards. As for Loopstock, supposedly it means “walking cane.”

Sicnarf is from Aruba, which probably explains why he speaks five languages – English, Spanish, Dutch, French & Papiamento. I tell ya, it’s a hotbed of polylinguists. 

The catcher spent 8 years in the Guardians org, totaling over 1000 at-bats. He’s spent the past couple of years in the Dutch majors.

Odd Soccer Trophies

I’m sure everyone’s familiar with the Ballon d’Or. You might even be aware that it’s French for “golden ball.” How many other individual awards are you familiar with though?

There are plenty of them. And some of them sound a little odd – at least to my American, English-speaking ears. No, wait, my ears don’t speak English. My English-hearing ears, maybe? Nah, that’s not right. English-understanding ears? Ah,  you know what I mean.

So, here they are. Let me know if they crack you up as much as they crack up me. Huh, that didn’t sound right either …

Golden Shoe
Europe

You might know this one better as the Golden Boot, which does indeed sound a little more classy.

It’s for the top scorer in the major European leagues. Lionel Messi has won it 6 times. The latest winner is Robert Lewandoski.

Because the award used to include all European leagues, winners have also included folks like Tanju Colak (Turkey), Sotiris Kaiafas (Cyprus), Hans Krankl (Austria) & Zviad Endeladze (Georgia), 

Silver Ball (Palone d’Argento / Bola de Prata) 
World Cup / Italy / Brazil / Portugal

Yup, this one is given for the World Cup and in three countries.

For the World Cup, it’s given to the second highest scorer. It’s been around since 1982, with the last three winners being Kylian Mbappe, Eden Hazard & Thomas Muller.

The Italian award was for Serie A players who demonstrated talent, fairness & moral character. It was awarded from 2000 to 2017. Andrea Pirlo, Kaka & Francesco Totti were some of the winners I recognized.

In Brazil, it’s still around, and is for the top player at each position. Since that means 11 players per year, that gives us such wonderfully named players as Socrates, Leonardo, Picasso, Bismarck, Manga, Bobo, Dudu, Biro-Biro, Junior, Baby & Hulk.

In Portugal, it’s for the top scorer. Eusebio tops all winners with 7. He also won 5 consecutive titles, another record. The current holder is Darwin Nunez.

Golden Glove
World Cup / Premier League

No, this has nothing to do with boxing. Or baseball.

The World Cup award goes back to 1994, and was originally named after Soviet great Lev Yashin. Since this one is so new, I know all but one of the 8 winners. Emiliano Martinez, with Argentina, won the last one. It is, of course, awarded to the best boxer ... er, goalie.

The Premier League award goes back to 2004, and is based on the total number of clean sheets. Joe Hart, with Manchester City, has won it a record 4 times. Ederson, also with City, is the current holder, and has 3 titles himself. Damn Blues!

Bronze Ball
World Cup

What’s that expression again? Oh, balls of brass. Never mind.

As with the Olympics, bronze represents third place. In this particular instance, it’s for the third best all-around player. Winners include stars like Maradona, Andrea Pirlo, Antoine Griezmann & the current holder, Luka Modric.

There is a similar award for the Club World Cup as well. It features some stars, like Neymar, Xavi, Ronaldinho & Andres Iniesta. There seem to be plenty of total unknowns, though, as well: Gaku Shibasaki (Japan), Jonathan Urretaviscaya (Uruguay), Mouhcine Iajour (Morocco) …

Looks like it’s also a thing in plumbing (a kind of valve)

Azure Football (Pallone Azzuro)
Italy

Well, this is certainly preferable to the Blue Ball Award. 

This one’s voted on by the Italian national team’s fan club. Winners include Andrea Pirlo and Gianluigi Buffon. It’s only been awarded 6 times, and not since 2021. There’s also a women’s, futsal & beach soccer version.

Thank you, Google Images

Football Oscar
Croatia

Not sure if there’s a Football Emmy, Football Grammy, or Football Tony award. But you get the idea.

This should really be called the Football Oscars, as awards are given for best player, team, goalie, manager and under-21. 

Best player includes one for any Croatian and one for the best player in the Croatian national league, the HNL. Not too surprisingly, Luka Modrich has won that first one all 10 years the award has been in place. 

All the rest are HNL exclusively. And, yes, these include a ton of guys no one’s ever heard of before, and whose name all end in “ic.”

And then there’s this guy

Giant-Killing Award
FA Cup

Given to the best Jack in soccer for that year. Last year’s winner was Jack Grealish. Previous winners have included Jack Charlton, Jack Wilshire, and Jack Butland.

Seriously, though, this award is given to the team in the FA Cup who posts the most unlikely win in that year’s tournament. Winners include Crawley Town (against Derby), Luton Town (against Norwich), Swindon Town (against Wigan), and Bradford City (against Chelsea!).

Too bad this is no longer around. It only really lasted from 2011 to 2019.

It’s also a Japanese manga series

Golden Bench (Panchina d’Oro)
Italy

It’s for managers, so I guess they had to come up with something. And I’m guessing the Golden Whistle, Golden Clipboard, Golden Suit, or Golden Puffy Jacket just weren’t making it.

Winners include such well-known names as Carlo Ancelotti, Antonio Conte, Roberto Mancini & Jose Mourinho (wait, how did he get in there?). There is a Silver Bench (for the next league down), women’s award, futsal award, Special Golden Bench, Lifetime Achievement Golden Bench, Special Award for Enhancing Young Players, Positive Message Award, Mino Favini Award & Best Supporting Hairstylist in an International Musical Documentary Short. 

Okay, so I made that last one up.

Obviously, the silliest looking award out there

Golden Boy
Europe

Ya gotta wonder, is there a Silver Boy and a Bronze Boy as well?

This one, dating back to 2003, is a veritable roll call of stars. I’m talking Messi, Rooney, Pogba, Mbappe, Haaland … Of course, there are also a few who didn’t really pan out in the same way: Anderson (yup, that’s his full name), Isco (ditto) & Alexandre Pato. It’s for the best up-and-coming player.

No, he was not a winner

Golden Talent of Ukraine
Ukraine

Is “golden” really an adjective you can use with “talent”? Not according to Google at least.

Of course, I am getting some hits. It’s for some pretty weird stuff though. I mean, the 2nd hit is for an Egyptian recruiting agency. And the 1st gives me an Instagram error page.

As for soccer, we’ve got two awards, one for under 21 and one for under 19. There are monthly awards and an annual one as well. The winners get “diplomas, game shoes and watches.”

Seeing as there are 25 awards given every year, there are plenty of opportunities for funny names, both for individuals (Mykola Matviyenko, Heorhiy Tsitaishvili) and clubs (FC Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk, FC Kryvbas Kryvyi Rih).

Sadly, this one is currently suspended.

Pichichi Trophy
Spain

No, this is not named after a Pokemon character. 

It’s for the top goal scorer in Spain’s La Liga.

It’s named for Rafael (“Pichichi”) Moreno, a forward for Athletic Bilbao who played in the 1910s and 20s. He died young (29, of typhus), which is, of course, a great way to get yourself immortalized. Moreno was notable for the white cap he wore on the pitch. His nickname was due to his “slight build.” I don’t know Spanish well enough for that to make any sense to me, so I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it, Wikipedia.

This one’s been a thing since 1952, and was also rewarded retroactively all the way back to 1929

Not too surprisingly, Messi leads everyone with 8 awards all time.

And, of course, I’ve got some funny names for you. Let’s see, would Mundo, Bata, Pruden, Vava II & Quini do?

Yup, that’s him alright

Club 200 of Berador Abduraimov
Uzbekistan

No, this is not a disco in Tashkent.

To quote Wikipedia, “is club of the best goalscorers with over 200 goals in the history of Uzbek football.” It is named after “after the famous Pakhtakor player, Berador Abduraimov [italics mine].” 

Berador’s own entry tells me that “he is regarded as one of the best strikers and greatest football players in the history of Uzbek football.” That said, Word still wants me to change his first name to “Eardrop.” Go figure.

Oddly, this is a very exclusive club, with only 12 members (including our very own Berador, by the way). Guess they’re just leaving plenty of room to grow.

Yup, that’s him (if my Cyrillic is correct, that is).

Ebony Shoe
Belgium

Did something get lost in translation here? Maybe they meant to say “Black Boot.” Or perhaps “Inky Cleats“? “Sable sabot”? 

It’s called the Ebbenhouten schoen in Flemish, and the Soulier d'ébène in French, if that’s any help.

If you’re thinking this is for the best Belgian player (black is, of course, part of the Belgian flag), you’d be wrong. It’s actually for the best African player. Which, to me at least, sounds a tad non-PC.

There are actually 3 different levels. Gold, silver & bronze ebony shoes, if you will.

Winners include a couple of names I recognize (Vincent Kompany, Marouanne Felani, Romulu Lukaku), as well as plenty I don’t (Copa, Mido, Yaw Preko, Jean-Jacques Misse-Misse).

Interestingly, there are a number of winners who were born in Belgium. The award also includes winners from countries on either side of the Sahara – Egypt & the Ivory Coast, Algeria & Angola, Tunisia & Tanzania – as well as one from the Netherlands to boot.

You knew this was comin’, right?

Bronze Onze (Onze de Bronze)
France (Europe)

Hey, it rhymes (and sounds ridiculous) in two languages.

Okay, so first of all, what the heck is an “onze”? Well, my community college French is telling me that all that is is the number eleven. So, “Bronze Eleven”? Geez, that makes even less sense.

Well, Onze also just so happens to be a French sports magazine, specializing in soccer. Gonna go out on a limb and speculate that the number of players on a soccer team might be playing some kind of role here.

And it’s those folks who hand out awards every year for best European player and coach, with gold, silver & bronze levels. None of the names here should be unfamiliar this time.

Hard to believe, but the magazine also sponsors a best team, the Onze de Onze. What an excellent note to go out on.

I honestly have no idea