Americans are famous for their poor grasp of geography. I don’t consider myself one of them. In fact, I pride myself on being able to name every country in every continent off the top of my head (okay, not Oceania).
I have noticed, though, one thing that I’m terrible at. And that’s in comparing the relative size of US states with foreign countries. I guess it comes from many hours staring at maps of the US and then at maps of Europe, or Asia, or Central America. I must have subconsciously equated the US with those other continents. So, a small country started to look a lot like a small state. And a big country like a big state. But they’re not. Not at all.
So, see if you can guess the following states and countries of the same relative sizes. I’ve superimposed their outlines on top of each other. Ready? Here we go …
Not too hard, right? Both silhouettes are pretty recognizable, non? Here’s your final hint though … The inhabitants of both are a little full of themselves.
So, it’s France and Texas. Yup, Paris to Marseilles is about the same distance as Amarillo to San Antonio. Interesting, huh? Population-wise, though, it’s a bit of a mismatch. France’s 67 million is slightly more than twice as many as Texas’s 29.
Here’s another:
The state’s pretty recognizable, though I have tilted it a little. The country’s a little harder, though it is right side up.
Give up? It’s California and Sweden. Of course, there’s not a whole lot in the northern part of Sweden. But, heck, there’s not a whole lot north of Sacramento either, is there? California’s got Sweden beat when it comes to population though – 39 million to 10.
Here’s your next one:
These shapes are probably a little less familiar, though that weird bit in the upper left might give one of ‘em away. It’s for the country, which just so happens to be an island (with the last word being a hint as well).
And they are Iceland and Ohio. Hard to believe, but Iceland’s got only 300,000 people (and with a third of them in the capital, Reykavik), while Ohio’s got 11 million some.
Now, how about this one:
Definitely a toughie. All those islands in the lower right might help you identify the state however (and, yes, that's another hint).
So, what we’ve got here are Rhode Island and Luxembourg. Who woulda thunk it? I just naturally assumed Luxembourg was about the size of a large American county.
Yup, the distance from Woonsocket to Weekapaug is about the same as the distance from Weiswampach to Differdange. Luxembourg only has about half the people of Rhode Island, though – 590,000 to about one million.
Next one!
Yup, they’re both long and skinny. One of em’s landlocked, however, with the other being right on the Atlantic. One more hint … One of em’s known for basketball, and the other for soccer.
Did you get ‘em? They’re Portugal and Indiana, with the skinnier one being Portugal. They’re a little more similar population-wise, 6.6M Hoosiers to 10.3M Portuguese.
Alright, who’s next?
So, these are definitely getting harder. I can give you one hint for the state – it’s got a northern neighbor with a similar name. As for the country … Well, it’s got something of a twin too. In fact, up to 1993, those two formed one country.
Did you get it? Did you get even one of ‘em? So, what we’ve got here is South Carolina and the Czech Republic. Interestingly, the state’s got almost exactly half the population of the country – 5 million to 10.
Ready for the next one?
Another toughie. All I’m going to tell you here, though, is that the state is pretty darn cold, and the country’s warm and sunny and downright tropical. Also, we’re not in Europe any more.
Give up? How about Vermont and Belize? Yup, those two couldn’t have less in common, could they? Population-wise, though, they’re somewhat close. Both are tiny, but with about 600,000 Vermonters and 400,000 Belizeans.
Alright, who’s next?
These last few are going to be rough. The states, though, should at least give you a fighting chance. As for that particular country, let me just say that we’re still in the Western Hemisphere, just much further south.
Get the state? Yup, it’s the Show Me State, Missouri. As for that blob of a country …? Well, if you guessed Uruguay, you deserve an extra point. Population-wise, it looks like we’ve got another one of those two-to-one deals. This time, though it’s the state doubling up the country, with Missouri at 6.1 million and Uruguay at 3.4M.
Ready for another toughie?
That state should look pretty familiar. As for the country, let me give you a big hint. This baby’s actually got coastlines on two oceans. And, yes, we’re still in the Western Hemisphere.
Did you get the Keystone State? Alright, how about Honduras? Who would’ve guessed? I always assumed Pennsylvania was a big state, a lot bigger than one of those little Central American guys. Surprisingly, they’re also fairly close in population - 13M for Pennsylvania and 9M for Honduras.
One final one for you:
Once again, that state might not be that hard. I do apologize for it’s rather rough outline though – it’s the only one I could find. I’ve got one hint for the country for you … it’s our only one from Asia. Okay, one final hint – they both have coastlines … and on the same ocean no less!
Well, if you guessed Cambodia, I’ve really got to hand it to you. And if you guessed Washington for the state … well, yeah. And here’s our final two-to-one population deal - 16M for Cambodia and 7.5M for Washington.
More geography stuff:
I was sure there would be many more Confederate generals with funny names than Union ones, even though there were fewer of the former. I mean, Southerners are a pretty distinctive group, right? Surprisingly, though, I had to really search a little.
My guess is that, with pretty much everybody being of English origin, the Browns, and the Smiths, and the Jacksons are going to predominate. Combine that with the traditional English practice of using boring first names like John and James and Robert and William, and that’s just asking for a snooze fest. Honestly, I’m talking two George Andersons here, two William Jacksons, two John Morgans, two William Smiths, two William Terrys, and no less than three William Walkers!
There were some pretty good ones too though. Let’s check ‘em out …
#10 – Collett Leventhorpe / Danville Leadbetter
Now, here’s what I was expecting. Two surnames, both of which are multisyllabic and sound teddibly British. You know, Cadwallader Throckmorton, Marmaduke Fortenberry, Worthington St. Hubbinsfield …
Unfortunately, this these two will have to do. There just weren’t that many out there.
Our first fellow, Collett Leventhorpe, actually was British. Related to royalty, he attended posh Westminster School and then was an officer in the British Army. Later, he got into “trade,” traveled in the US, and met and married a North Carolina belle. He spent the first few years of the Civil War defending his adopted state, then went North to fight at Gettysburg, where he was severely wounded and also captured.
Hard to believe, but our second, Danville Leadbetter, was actually a Yankee! Born in Maine, he attended West Point, then moved around the country building fortifications. Retiring in Mobile, he joined the Confederates, designing fortifications for them, especially around Knoxville. An unreconstructed Confederate, he never got a pardon, fled to Mexico, then died in Canada.
#9 – Barnard Bee
Also known as Barnard E. Bee and B.E. Bee. Well, not really. But wouldn’t it have been cool?
Barnard Bee was a Charleston blue blood. A West Point grad, he fought in the Mexican-American War, then spent the remaining years before the Civil War fighting out West.
Bee was mortally wounded at the 1st Battle of Bull Run, becoming one of the first general officers to be killed in the war. Before suffering his fatal wound, he did achieve some measure of immortality by (supposedly) giving Stonewall Jackson his nickname.
By the by, Barnard had a brother named Hamilton P. Bee, also a Confederate general.
#8 – Carnot Posey
It’s the combination. Carnot Smith would probably have been just fine. And John Posey certainly would pass muster as well.
By the way, we’re back to two surnames again. Carnot just so happens to be French. Posey is English, comes from a town in Oxfordshire, and means “pea island.” I have no idea about Carnot.
A Mississippian, Carnot Posey had some interesting ties to the University of Virginia. First, he went to law school there. Second, badly wounded at the nearby Battle of Bristoe Station, he was transported to the university with the other wounded. He would die on campus, supposedly in the same room where he lived when he attended the school. Finally, he was buried on the grounds.
Having fought in the Mexican War, Posey rose up through the ranks pretty quickly. He was incredibly active in the early years of the war, serving in the Valley Campaign and the Seven Days, and at Fredericksburg, Chancellorsville, and Gettysburg.
#7 – Felix Zollicoffer
Hard to believe, but Felix Zollicoffer already made it here, in the Union post. Turns out that Union Gen. Speed Fry’s main claim to was shooting Zollicoffer, at the Battle of Mill Springs.
Zollicoffer was from Tennessee, a descendant of Swiss immigrants to North Carolina in the early 18th Century. A newspaperman, Zollicoffer also had a little military experience, and was involved in politics as well.
When war broke out, Zollicoffer was appointed a brigadier general right from the get go, one of the South’s few political appointees. He was assigned the rather difficult area of pro-Union Eastern Tennessee, but did pretty well up to the Battle of Mill Springs.
There, he made the mistake of riding into the Union lines during a driving rainstorm. The near-sighted Zollicoffer even started discussing strategy with Fry. When another Confederate appeared and started firing on the Union soldiers, Fry shot and killed his new-found friend.
#6 – Roswell Ripley
Nothing like two surnames and a little alliteration, right?
Looks like we’ve got ourselves another Yankee here. Sure enough, Roswell Ripley was born in Ohio, then moved with his family to Massachusetts and then New York.
After graduating from West Point and fighting in the Mexican-American and Seminole Wars, Ripley met and married a Southern belle while stationed in Charleston. Less than 10 years later, he would participate in the bombardment of Ft. Sumter. After fighting in the Peninsula Campaign and at Antietam and Fredericksburg, he would eventually return to Charleston to lead the city’s defense.
Post-bellum, Ripley would reside in England, only returning to the US (to New York City) in the late 1880s. Dying soon after his return, he would be buried in Charleston.
#5 – Lunsford Lomax
And that goes ditto. Even better, Lunsford’s middle name was Lindsay. Yup, Lundsford Lindsay Lomax.
Alright, this is getting ridiculous. Lomax is a native Rhode Islander! Turns out, though, that he was also a military brat, with his father, Major Mann Page Lomax, merely stationed there at the time. Even better, the Lomaxes are one of the First Families of Virginia. So, Lunsford is a true son of the Old Dominion after all.
Lomax was a West Point grad, serving out West prior to the Civil War, including in Bleeding Kansas. During the war, Lomax really got around. He was a staff officer, a cavalry colonel, fought around Richmond and Petersburg, was in the Valley Campaign, helped form Mosby’s Rangers, and spent some time in the Western Theater as well.
His career after the war was pretty interesting too. And that included serving as president of Virginia Tech, helping compile the Official Records of the Civil War for the War Department, and acting as the commissioner for Gettysburg National Park.
#4 – Stand Watie
And if that isn’t bad enough, you have your pick from other names this guy went by, including Standhope Uwatie, Degataga (or De Gata Ga), Tawkertawker (or Tahkahtokah), and Isaac S. Watie (don’t know how that last one got in there – it’s sounds pretty darn normal).
So, what gives here? Turn out Stand Watie was actually a leader of the Cherokee, and was born Degataga, son of Uwatie. Translating his first name (which means “stand firm”) into English and using his father’s name as his surname, Watie came up with the name he would be known to history by.
Stand Watie’s life up to the Civil War was eventful. A native Georgian, he helped publish the first Native American newspaper in the US, the Cherokee Phoenix. Active in tribal politics, he then signed the Treaty of New Echota, which precipitated the removal of the tribe to Indian Territory, modern-day Oklahoma. There, he was the subject of assassination attempts and the center of a bloody feud over his signing of the treaty.
A slave-owner, Watie sided with the South, organizing a regiment of cavalry. During the conflict, he fought at Pea Ridge, ambushed a steamboat, and captured a supply train worth $1.5M.
Watie was the last Confederate general to lay down his arms. Retiring to his plantation, he would die a mere six years after the war had ended.
#3 – Gideon Pillow
Once again, Pillow’s bad enough. Couldn’t his parents simply have called him John or James or William? Interestingly, that surname was originally Pilhough (from a town in Derbyshire, in the UK). I’m guessing it’s pronounced the same, but that spelling does seem a lot less risable.
Gideon Pillow was a Tennessee lawyer who got into politics and garnered some military experience as well. As for the former, he was an important delegate at Democratic conventions, including spearheading the nomination of friend and fellow Tennessean James Knox Polk. And as for the latter, Pillow fought in the Mexican-American War, and was even promoted to Major General (though he also narrowly escaped a court martial).
And with that background, it wasn’t too surprising that Pillow was commissioned a brigadier general for the South. Though his first action, at the Battle of Belmont, was a success, his second was not. He was largely responsible for allowing Grant to pen in and capture 12,000 Confederates at the Battle of Fort Donelson. He ended the war mostly behind a desk.
After the war, he successfully continued his law career. He would pass away in 1878 at age 72 of yellow fever.
#2 – States Rights Gist
You knew this guy was going to appear here, didn’t you? If you’re any kind of Civil War buff, that is.
What’s interesting about that name was that it was given way back in 1831. But, then again, that was also right at the height of the Nullification Crisis. Indeed, Gist’s father was a huge supporter of John C. Calhoun, the instigator and leader of the crisis.
States, as he was called, hailed from a prominent South Carolina family. A lawyer by trade, he seemed more active in the South Carolina militia, where he rose to the rank of brigadier general.
Gist’s Civil War career spanned the conflict, from the bombardment of Ft. Sumter to his death at the debacle of Franklin in late 1864 (he was one of six Confederate generals killed there). In between, Gist also fought at First Manassas, around Charleston, and at Vicksburg, Chickamauga, Chattanooga, and Atlanta.
#1 – Young Moody
“The Young and the Moody” – wasn’t that a soap opera at one time?
Actually, it just so happened to be a band:
They’re pretty much everything that comes up when you Google “young moody.” You have to add “confederate” or “general” if you want to get our guy.
Though a Virginia native, Young Moody would later move to Alabama, where he was a teacher, merchant, and clerk of courts. At the outbreak of war, he joined a regiment there, serving under the wonderfully named Archibald Gracie III. The two served together in northern Virginia and then at the battles of Perryville, Chickamauga, and Knoxville. Moody would wrap up his Civil War career at Appomattox.
Though he would survive the war, Moody would die less than a year later of yellow fever.
Honorable Mention
- Mistaken identity - John Adams, John Kennedy, Beverly Robertson
- Alliterative absurdity - Thomas Toon, Braxton Bragg, Dudley DuBose
- 3 or more - Winfield Scott Fetherston, Simor Bolivar Buckner, Phillip St. George Cocke, Pierre Gustave Toussaint Beauregard, Camile Armand Jules Marie de Polignac
- Just more weirdness - Alpheus Baker, Evander Law, Eppa Hunton, Basil Duke, Birkett Fry, Maxcy Gregg, Leonidas Polk, Hiram Granbury, Zebulon York, Jubal Early, Theophilus Holmes, Rufus Barringer, Bushrod Johnson
More Civil War stuff:
Civil War facial hair
Worst Confederate generals
Well, there certainly are plenty of 'em out there. Most historians agree on a number around 550 for the Union side. As a matter of simple statistics, we’re probably gonna have a couple of oddities. And weren’t all those guys back then called weird stuff like Jedediah and Ezra and Rutherford?
Let's take a look!
#10 – Samuel Kosciusko Zook
I’m not sure this would have made it without that middle name. And that, of course, comes from Tadeuz Kosciusko, a Revolutionary War hero and kind of like a Polish Lafayette. Interestingly, Zook was not born with that middle name, but with the slightly more normal Kurtz.
Zook was from Pennsylvania, of Mennonite ancestry. A lifelong militia member, he was living in New York City when the Civil War broke out. There, he organized the 6th and then the 57th New York regiments. Zook fought in the Seven Days, and at Fredricksburg, Chancellorsville, and Gettysburg. He would die of wounds received at that last one.
#9 – Alexander Schimmelfennig
14 letters! It’s a new world record. (Also, as far as I can tell this surname may actually mean “moldy penny”!)
Alexander Schimmelfennig was a Prussian soldier who ended up supporting the wrong side in the Revolution of 1848. He would then flee to Switzerland, be sentenced to death in absentia, and later move to England, where he would become involved with the Communist League, led by Marx and Engels. Emigrating to the US in 1854, he would get a job with the War Department.
At the outbreak of the Civil War, Schimmelfennig organized a Pennsylvania regiment made of German speakers. He fought at Chancellorsville and Gettysburg, then headed South to command the District of Charleston, accepting the surrender of the city when Sherman came through. Contracting a form of tuberculosis in the swamps around Charleston, he would die of the disease five months after the end of the war.
#8 – Wager Swayne
I’m wagering that first name is a family name, maybe even his mother’s maiden name. Unfortunately, it turns out that that was Smith. Hmm …
Wager Swayne was a real blue blood. His father was an Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court, and Wager himself went to Yale.
From Ohio, Swayne would serve with Ohio regiments in the Western Theater, including at Iuka and Corinth (where he won a Medal of Honor), then at Atlanta and with Sherman through Georgia and the Carolinas. Swayne was made a general less than a month before the end of the war, the last such appointment made before peace.
Swayne would then serve as the effective Reconstruction governor of Alabama, then as a corporate director before passing away in 1902 at age 1968.
#7 – Catharinus Buckingham
Is that a masculine equivalent of Catharine? Indeed it is, at least according to the Interwebs. They’re also telling me that it’s popular in Northern Europe – in particular, in the Netherlands, Norway, and Sweden. Interestingly, though, the surname Buckingham – and this guy’s lineage in general – seems totally English.
Catharinus Buckingham is actually a descendent of Rufus Putnam, a fairly famous Revolutionary War general. Buckingham would grow up in Ohio, then attend West Point, where he would become a professor. He would then return to Ohio to teach at Kenyon College.
Buckingham served during the Civil War behind the scenes. His biggest claim to fame was carrying the orders to relieve McClellan.
After the war, Buckingham would return to teaching, writing and publishing several textbooks as well. He also tried his hand in the corporate world, managing steel works and an elevator company. He passed away in 1888, at the ripe old age of 80.
#6 – Amiel Weeks Whipple
Wow! Too bad that first name couldn’t be Waldo or Waylon or something else with a W.
I was thinking Amiel was a form of Emil, but it’s actually a separate name, has there syllables, and means “people of God” in Hebrew. Whipple? It’s English, and may trace back to a tree of the same name.
Amiel Weeks Whipple was from Massachusetts, and was a West Point grad. His main claim to fame would come before the Civil War, when he surveyed the Mexico-Arizona border following the Mexican-American War.
During the Civil War, he would lead the balloon reconnaissance unit, serve as McClellan’s chief topographical officer, command the defense of Washington DC, and then fight at Fredericksburg and Chancellorsville (with the latter being where he would be killed in action).
He would live on in a couple of Army forts, some Arizona mountains, and several taxonomic names (including his own genus, Whipplea).
#5 – Pleasant Hackelman
Pleasant’s weird enough, but combine it with the distinctly unlyrical Hackelman … Pleasant, I suppose, means just what it says (and might very well be a surname). Hackleman, on the other hand, is the German equivalent of Hooker, for someone who made or used hooks.
An Indiana farm boy, Pleasant Hackleman would become a lawyer, judge, and state representative. Very much a political appointee at the start of the Civil War, Hackleman would be quickly involved in the disaster of Ball’s Bluff. Surviving that debacle (unlike commanding officer and ultimate political appointee Edward Baker), Hackleman would be shipped West, where he would die at the first real action he faced, at the Battle of Corinth.
#4 – Green Berry Raum
What were his parents thinking?
Green Berry Raum (I think I would have gone with initials if I were him) was a small-town Illinois lawyer when the War Between the States broke out. Somehow or other, he was made a major in the 56th Illinois regiment, becoming its colonel within the space if a year. Raum saw action at Corinth, Vicksburg, and during the Atlanta, Georgia, and Carolinas campaigns, getting wounded at Missionary Ridge.
Raum was even more active after the war. After a stint as president of a railroad, he would be elected to the US House, then act as head of the IRS and then as Commissioner of Pensions. Somehow or other, he also managed to write several books, all histories. He would pass away at the ripe old age of 80.
Hard to believe, but this guy found other politicians with the names of Green Berry Samuels and Green Berry Swango.
#3 – Speed Fry
Great name for a short order cook ...
It’s hard to believe that Speed is actually a real surname, but it is. One “famous” bearer of that name is former NASCAR driver Lake Speed. The name actually means “fortunate,” as in the expression “Good speed!” So, I’m guessing General Fry had a fortunate ancestor somewhere in his line.
As for Fry? It’s from the Old English word for a child, denoting someone who was as small as one. It’s where we get the expression “small fry” from.
Speed Fry was actually from Kentucky, a pretty Southern state these days but definitely a border state during the Civil War. A lawyer, he had previously fought in the Mexican-American War, and then was made a judge in the years after his return.
At the outset of the Civil War, Fry was made a colonel and subsequently raised a regiment, the 4th Kentucky. He fought at Shiloh, Corinth, Perryville, and Murfreesboro.
His main claim to fame was his personally shooting the Confederate commander at the early battle of Mill’s Springs. Seems Gen. Felix Zollicoffer inadvertently wandered into a crowd of Yankees, and became an instant part of history.
By the way, there just so happens to be a Joshua Fry Speed out there. The two are both from the same rough period too, with Josh being famous mostly as a friend of Lincoln’s.
Even harder to believe, there just so happens to be another Speed Fry, a star athlete at Loyola H.S. in Los Angeles. Seeing as this kid’s full name is Speed Fry VI. I’m guessing these two might actually be related.
#2 – Zealous Tower
Tall maybe. Cell perhaps. Heck, I’d even go for Fawlty. Definitely not Zealous though.
Now, Tower is a legitimate surname, probably designating someone who lived in or near a tower. John Tower, a US Senator from Texas is the one famous Tower I can think of.
Zealous, though, might be a bit of a one-off. My guess is that it might have something to do with our man being from Massachusetts. The Puritans were famous for some pretty crazy names. I’m talking Increase Mather, Praise-God Barebones, and Preserved Fish!
Zealous Tower was a West Point graduate, graduating with honors. He distinguished himself in the Mexican-American War, then concentrated on engineering (including building the initial facilities at Alcatraz).
He would continue his engineering feats during the Civil War, most notably fortifying Nashville against John Bell Hood’s late incursion (or, as some scholars like to think of it, wild goose chase) into Tennessee. Tower also served in the field, getting wounded severely at 2nd Manassas.
Tower would remain in the Army after the war and up to retirement. He would pass on – like most of the guys in this post who survived the war (!?!?) – at 80.
#1 – Galusha Pennypacker
You know, James is a nice name. And so is William. Or John. Or Robert ...
Galusha’s an interesting one. I figured it was Hebrew, but it’s actually Celtic. It means “foreigner,” and is basically the equivalent of the English “Gallic.”
Pennypacker comes from the German Pannebacker, and means “tile baker.” I’m figuring those tiles were ceramic and went on the roofs of houses.
Galusha Pennypacker was from Pennsylvania. Though from a prominent family, he became an orphan in his teens, joining the Army at age 16. A year later, at the outbreak of the Civil War, he would help organize a company and become its captain.
Rising through the ranks, he would subsequently become the youngest general ever, at age 20, too young to vote for the president who appointed him!
Pennypacker saw action at Ft. Pickens, around Charleston, and then around Richmond and Petersburg. Near the end of the war, he gained a Medal of Honor at the capture of Ft. Fisher.
After the war, Pennypacker stayed with the Army for almost 20 more years. He died in 1916 at the age of 72. officially of his war wounds.
Honorable Mention
- Foreign intrigue – Philippe Régis Denis de Keredern de Trobriand, Wlodzimierz Bonawentura Krzyzanowski
- Alliterative absurdity – Montgomery Meigs, Adalbert Ames
- Mistaken identity – Napoleon Bonaparte Buford, Max Weber, Cassius Clay, Jefferson Davis
- 3 or more – Gustavus Adolphus Smith, Green Clay Smith, Egbert Ludovicus Viele, Americus Vespucius Rice, Napoleon Jackson Tecumseh Dana
- Just more weirdness – Adin Underwood, Darius Couch, Gouvernour Morris, Melancthon Wade, Milo Hascall, Theophilus Garrard, Albin Schoepf, Cadwallader Washburn, Ambrose Burnside, Marcellus Crocker, Abner Doubleday, Isham Hanie, Friend Rutherford, Strong Vincent, Gershom Mott, Eliakim Scammon, Emerson Opdycke, Ferdinand Van Derveer
Next time – Confederates!
So, last time, we did the dudes. This time, the ladies!
Now, I do have to break it to you that there aren’t any serial killers in this one. Turns out girls just aren’t into that kind of stuff.
I can, however, promise plenty of jealousy, insurance schemes, infanticide, and lots of dead husbands and boyfriends.
Another difference between male and female killers seems to be the almost total lack of movies based on the women’s crimes. Lots of documentaries, but very few hot starlets standing in for our murderesses.
NOTE: I already covered Karla Homolka under the boys, so won’t repeat her here (though she definitely qualifies).
#18 – Mindy Saghera
This one’s got a nice little international vibe to it. First of all, we’ve got our venue – Manchester, England. Next, we’ve got our murderess, a cute little Sikh (whose given name was Harmohinder). Finally, we’ve got our victim, a 17-year-old pregnant Muslim newlywed. Turns out the former was having an affair with the latter’s husband. End result: major overkill (40 stab wounds with a kitchen knife).
#17 – Linda Calvey
And here's a traditional English rose. Ladies and lads, may I introduce Linda Calvey.
Linda started out pretty much as a gun moll. She later moved up to driving getaway cars and even wielding a gun herself.
She would then wield a gun on her boyfriend of the time, one Ronald Cook. Turns out she had hired someone else to do the job, but the bloke got cold feet, so she finished the job herself. Oh, by the way, that gun was a shotgun.
After 28 years in prison, Linda got out and immediately got hitched:
Sadly, her hubby passed away just the other week ago.
#16 – Darlene Gentry *
The bubbly and beautiful Darlene Gentry was a real-live Texas homecoming queen. After high school, she became a dental assistant and married a hunky local boy who was good with his hands.
Then she shot him. It was staged as a robbery, but the cops were suspicious from the get-go. Strains in the marriage and almost a million in insurance money didn’t make her look any more innocent. Darlene sealed the deal, however, when she was taped trying to retrieve move the murder weapon.
Unlike most female killers, Darlene was portrayed on screen, in the TV show Deadly Women, and by the beautiful actress Jacqui Story:
If you’d like to correspond with Darlene, you can do so right here.
#15 – Estibaliz Carranza
Estibaliz Carranza owned an ice cream shop in Vienna, Austria, in the basement of which were the bits and pieces of 2 former lovers. Seems she shot them, dismembered them with a chainsaw, then dumped the results in some buckets which she then filled up with concrete.
The gruesome remains were discovered by some unlucky contractors. Carranza would then go on the lam, getting captured soon after in Italy. Two months pregnant at the time, she would later give birth to the baby in prison, then marry the father there as well.
The “Ice Cream Killer” will be spending the rest of her days in a mental hospital.
#14 – Molly Jane Roe
Eww, this one is not pleasant. The lovely lady above just so happened to go to prison for raping and murdering an infant, the child of the man she was dating. I guess it was some kind of evil stepmother sort of thing.
There’s actually a fair amount of stuff out there that says that infanticide and abuse of stepchildren is not that uncommon. There’s also an explanation for that from the field of evolutionary psychology. Called the “Cinderella Effect,” this theory posits that, because stepchildren do not share any genetic material, they are not worth investing any effort in (from an evolutionary standpoint at least) and might even kind of get in the way.
All this happened in a small town in Tennessee, back in 2011. Rowe is currently serving a life term.
#13 – Isabella Yun-Mi Guzman
Speaking of crazies … Would you believe this lovely young lady stabbed her mother over 150 times then beat her with a baseball bat? Isabella Yun-Mi Guzman was all of 18 at the time. Though notoriously difficult and rebellious, she also seemed to be a pretty normal teenager.
It would be pretty obvious at her trial, however, that things weren’t quite right. Isabella would talk to herself, laugh inappropriately, and generally act crazy. Diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, she is currently locked away for good in a Colorado state hospital.
#12 – Rachel Marie Wade
Just your basic teenage love triangle. It’s an old story … Girl meets boy. Girl loses boy. Boy meets other girl. First girl stabs other girl. You know how it goes … All this fun stuff happened in Florida, about 10 years ago. All involved were teenagers.
Mix in a little social media, a Stand Your Ground defense, confrontations at Applebee’s, and a 27-year sentence, and you’ve got yourself a pretty good story. No major motion pictures yet, but the drama has been featured on Oxygen, HLN, E!, Discovery, and even NBC.
#11 – Tracey Grissom *
When you look this good in your mug shot …
Well, there’s really no doubt she did it. Tracey Grissom fired 6 shots into her ex’s back when she just so happened to see him at a local boat landing (and in front of witnesses).
The real question is why. Grissom claimed that he had raped and assaulted her. She had the bruises and scars to prove it, and went to the police immediately after the incident. They were unable to charge him however, and Tracey would get 25 years.
#10 – Nasim Aghdam
Women simply don’t do mass murders. Jealousy? Sure. Insurance schemes? No problem. Like serial murder, though, mass murders are really just a guy thing.
Nasim Aghdam is our exception to the rule. Remember her? She went psycho at the YouTube campus in Mountain View, CA. Though she actually ended up not killing anyone (though she did wound 3), she did take her own life.
She also seemed to be bat-shit crazy. Aghdam seemed to live mainly for her social media, which was devoted primarily to bodybuilding, animal rights, veganism, and rants against modern culture. She also seemed to have some paranoid ideas about YouTube’s censoring her and keeping money that was due her. Put it all together …
The only movies Nasim was ever in were the crazy stuff she posted on YouTube:
#9 – Amber Hilberling *
Here’s another one that is actually a little sad. Amber Hilberling would push her husband out of a 25-story window.
Her side of the story was that she was defending herself (and her unborn child). His story (well, actually his family’s story) was that she was a druggie, he wanted a divorce, and he was walking out on her when it all went down. 19 years old at the time of the murder, Amber would be given a sentence of 25 years.
The sad part here is that Amber would commit suicide in jail only 5 years later, at age 25.
#8 – Megan Martzen
This one’s a little complicated. Megan was the babysitter of a 4-year old who ended up dying. Megan said the kid fell, but doctors thought otherwise. Her subsequent trial resulted in a hung jury, with Martzen pleading guilty of manslaughter and being put on probation. There’s a chance that she may not have even done it, with the child’s family actually supporting her. All of this happened about 10 years ago, in California.
#7 – Kristin Rossum *
Kristin Rossum’s background is one of privilege. The daughter of a college president, she attended a swanky girls prep school. Every picture taken of her seems to show a blonde society type who would look best in pearls or around some horses.
At the same time, she also had a nasty meth habit, had an affair with her boss, then killed her husband so he wouldn’t rat her out. A toxicologist, she gave her hubby an overdose of fentanyl then staged a suicide scene.
She’s now serving a life sentence in state prison, where she supposedly still uses meth and has also had a lesbian affair.
Like Mechele Linehan, Rossum would also be inspired by a movie:
#6 – Casey Anthony
More infanticide. And, yes, I know she got off somehow. But I think we all know she did it.
This one’s been covered ad nauseum – the missing month, the car that smelled like a corpse, the mysterious nanny, the online boyfriend, the non-existent job at Universal Studios, the Google searches …
Hard to believe it was all 10 years ago. I understand Casey is living in West Palm Beach now, works for a private detective on her former defense team, and is dating. According to this article, she is also weighing the pros and cons of posing in the nude.
Anthony has been played by actress Holly Devaux, among others.
#5 – Jodi Arias
Crazy girlfriend alert! Crazy girlfriend alert!
A true-life fatal attraction story, Jodi Arias couldn’t stand that her ex-lover was ditching her. So, she stabbed him two dozen times, shot him in the head, and nearly decapitated him. The crime scene photos were particularly horrific.
Though Arias was suspected from the outset, her constantly changing stories – from no knowledge or involvement, to mysterious attackers, to self-defense – didn’t really help things any.
As with Casey Anthony’s, Jodi’s trial would turn into a real media circus. She’s currently serving life. You can buy her art at jodiarias.com.
Jodi has been portrayed by the extremely hot Tania Raymonde in the made-for-TV movie Casey Anthony: Dirty Little Secret:
#4 – Mechele Linehan *
Well, heck, the girl was a stripper. So, not only is she going to be hot and sexy, but the story's going to be extra lurid as well.
Turns out Mechele was dating two men at one time, and got the one to help her kill the other (the one she had a $1M insurance policy on, that is). She would not be fingered, though, until 10 years later. In the meantime, she would move from Alaska (where the murder happened and where Mechele was employed by the Great Alaskan Bush Company) to the lower 48, meet and marry a doctor, and have a family. I’ll bet she had some explaining to do.
Though convicted, she was later set free after that judgement was overturned on appeal. Sounds pretty clear that she did it though.
In a twist on how these things typically go, Mechele may have been inspired by a movie, The Last Seduction, and not the other way around:
#3 – Amanda Knox
Boy, this one had it all. An ingenue abroad. A fresh-faced, preppy, girl-next-door with a dark side. Sexual innuendo. Drugs. A heavy-handed investigation. A sensational, circus-like trial. Blatant anti-Americanism and something bordering closely on an international incident.
Knox would be convicted and sentenced to 25 years. After 3 years in prison, she would be acquitted and released. She would later pen a book about the whole thing, Waiting To Be Heard , mostly to pay for legal fees. She is currently a journalist and activist in her hometown of Seattle.
Amanda would be portrayed by the very hot and also somewhat well-known (unlike the other actresses here) Hayden Panettiere:
#2 – Bambi Bembenek *
I’m pretty sure Bambi Bembenek is the only former Playboy bunny to have been convicted of murder.
What’s really interesting about Bembenek, though, is that she was also a former police officer. With a penchant for smoking pot and dancing at the local strip club, though, she would eventually be kicked off the force.
Marrying a cop, she would then use his service revolver to get rid of his ex (supposedly, to save him the alimony payments). Though there was some doubt whether she actually did it, Bembenek would be convicted and given a life sentence.
She would later escape and live on the run for several months, becoming something of a folk hero in the process. She would be released from prison after 10 years, but her life would go quickly downhill – alcoholism, drugs, depression, hep C, an amputated leg … She would die at 52 from kidney and liver failure.
Bambi would be portrayed by Lindsay Frost in the immortal TV movie Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? The Bambi Bembenek Story.
#1 – Vera Renczi
Vera who? Yup, this is an old one, happening almost 100 years ago.
Known as the Black Widow and the Chatelaine of Berkerekul, Vera Renczi poisoned 35 husbands and lovers in Romania and Hungary in the 1920s and ‘30s. Insanely jealous, she would do away with her latest paramour after only a short while, saying that they all had abandoned her. She would instead keep their bodies in caskets in her basement. Her teenage son, who had discovered the coffins, would die as collateral damage.
Great stuff, huh? Unfortunately, it may not actually be true. There is a distinct lack of documentary evidence, though some claim that it was destroyed in World War II. We may never know …
* - author read the book / watched the doc
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