US State Flag Families

Hmm, I think I’m detecting some patterns here. Let’s take a look and see how these babies break out:

• Boring – Hard to believe but the basic pattern of seal on a dark blue background describes over half of our state flags – 26, to be exact. This particularly boring design came from regimental flags, almost all of which followed the same basic pattern. Regimental flags may well represent the first flags that probably ever represented the state.
• Confederate (red circle) – Confederate flags (both the Battle Flag and the Stars & Bars) were very different in their emphasis on the color red. This is reflected in these 8 flags.
• X (green circle) – Another distinction for Confederate flags (and I’m talking about the Battle Flag this time) is the use of an X, or saltire. This derives from the cross of Burgundy, basically the Alabama flag but with extra doodads on the arms of the cross. The cross of Burgundy was used by the Spanish empire, which once ruled most of the South.
• French (blue circle) – Everyone’s familiar with the Tricolor. Three states seem to look to that flag for inspiration (though 2 of them have turned the stripes on their side). That’s not too surprising, as the Mississippi Valley was all French at one time.
• Colonial (gold circle) – These four don’t have all that much in common other than that they all break away from the seal / dark blue pattern. My guess is that their being so ancient gave them a little freedom to do something a little different. Indeed, several of these have themes that go back quite a bit.
• Modern (orange circle) – On the other hand, these 3 states are some of the newest ones out there. It seems only fitting that they might shake things up a little, especially relative to the symbols those symbols.
• Unique (black circles) – Here are 6 American originals. They really don’t have much in common, other than that they are all rather different (though half of them do feature a white background).

What’s Going on with the Swing States?

The 2016 presidential election was an interesting one. First, the winner of the popular vote did not win the electoral college. Second, the winner of the electoral college won it by the narrowest of margins. 

Now, the actual electoral college results were themselves not that close, 304 to 227. That said, there were three states – Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin – where the popular vote difference was under 1%. And those 3 states accounted for 46 electoral votes. In other words, less than 30,000 people across those 3 states could have swung the election!

2020 Vs. 2016

Right now, it looks like Biden’s ahead. CNN’s got him up 5%, CBS 6%, Reuters and Monmouth 9%, and Quinnipiac 11%. 

Something very similar, though, happened back in 2016, didn’t it? On November 6, 2016, the website 270towin.com averaged 10 major polls, and found Clinton ahead of Trump by a good 3%.

Needless to say, that was not reflected in the final results, was it? 

To be truthful, there really wasn’t that big a difference relative to popular vote. Clinton still won by 2%. 

What really made a difference, though, was what happened in those swing states mentioned above. In particular, each of those states had Clinton leading by a good bit – 3% for Pennsylvania, 5% for Michigan, and 7% for Wisconsin.

So, how do these numbers compare to those from 2020 (percentages are for Dems)?

State	2016 Poll	2020 Poll	Difference	Result
PA	3%	6%	3%	Biden
MI	5%	5%	0%	???
WI	7%	3%	-4%	Trump

In other words, based on what happened in 2016, Pennsylvania may be the only swing state to flip in 2020. With everything else the same, that would give Biden 247 electoral votes, still short of 270. If, however, Michigan were also to go blue, the total would then be 263 – still not enough.

Additional Swing States?

Needless to say, 2020 won’t be exactly like 2016. There may, in fact, be some states that might flip even though they weren’t that close back then. 

In particular, I noticed that there are a couple of states that were red in the polls and the election back in 2016, but are now leaning blue in the latest 2020 polls – North Carolina (1%), Arizona (3%), and Florida (4%).

Applying the same kind of logic as I did to those original 3 states, here’s how these new swings states shook out back then (percentages are for Republicans this time):

State	2016 Poll	2016 Election	Difference
NC	1%	-4%	-3%
AZ	4%	-4%	0%
FL	0%	-1%	-1%

In other words, that difference is what Biden will need to overcome in polling to actually have a shot at swinging these states. Though it’s a draw in Arizona, he’ll have to do a little better in Florida and a lot better in NC.

Now, let’s see how that shakes out given Biden’s current polling (percentages are for Biden this time):

State	2016 Difference	2020 Poll	Result
NC	3%	1%	Trump
AZ	0%	3%	Biden
FL	1%	4%	Biden

In other words, he only needed to do better than Trump in Arizona, and he got it. Similarly, he only needed to do better than 1% in Florida and did so. Only in NC was he unable to overcome the polling bias from 2016.

So, if we add the 2 states swinging toward Biden to the 2016 baseline, we’ve got 267 – 3 short! Only when we add Pennsylvania, from above, do we get over 270 – 287, to be exact. Finally, the Dems win.

Major caveat here … Yes, a lot will change before November. This is definitely something we can keep our eye on ‘til then though. 

Stay tuned!

Stage Names After Famous People

There are plenty of stage names out there. You probably already know that Marilyn Monroe was originally Norma Jan Mortensen. Or that Woody Allen is really Allan Konigsberg. I tell ya, there’s a million of ‘em.

What’s interesting is that there are a handful of celebs who decided to go with a name that was already taken. Surely, you didn’t think that David Copperfield was his real name, did you?

Now, I’m not sure what the thinking was behind some of these choices. It may simply be fame by association. Alternatively, they could simply be to attract attention. I do know, though, that they’re pretty unusual. 

So, here’s a list of all the ones I could come up with. They’re in rough order of obscure to famous. Enjoy!


Dorian Gray – Maria Luisa Mangini
Iconic fictional character, meet obscure Italian actress

As you probably already know, Dorian Gray is the main character of Oscar Wilde’s only novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. In a rather Gothic twist, Gray’s wish that he remain forever young is fulfilled, while his portrait ages instead.

I haven’t the slightest clue why Ms. Mangini went with the name (I mean, look at the pix below). Something of a sexpot, the actress did 32 films, all in Italian, in the 50s and 60s. Her main claim to fame is probably being in Fellini’s Nights of Cabiria. Less famous vehicles include Toto, Pepino, and the Hussy; Colossus and the Amazon Queen; and Accident of the Taxes.

By the way, other famous Dorian Grays include a British singer, a Swiss singer-songwriter, and a band from Bosnia.

Frances Drake – Frances Dean
Famous British explorer, meet obscure American actress

Sir Francis Drake (note the i) was a pirate, explorer, and vice admiral in the Royal Navy, and was active in the Elizabethan era. He was the second person to navigate the globe, and was famous for giving the Spaniards fits.

Frances Drake (note the e) was not as obscure as Dorian Gray, but not by much. Frances did 42 movies during the ‘20s and ‘30s. Her biggest role was in the 1935 version of Les Miserables. She was also in a couple of proto-horror and proto-sci-fi numbers. She does have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

We also know that Paramount came up with the name to avoid confusion with the then-famous Frances Dee. Another possibility batted about was Marianne Morel. Probably shoulda gone with that, to tell you the truth.

Leif Erickson – William Anderson
Norse explorer, meet obscure American actor

Leif Erikson (note the lack of a c) discovered America. Yup, Christopher Columbus came to the party about 500 years late. Leif landed in Newfoundland, where he founded the short-lived settlement of Vinland. 

The actor guy? Well, he actually wasn’t that obscure. I’m talking 150 credits and over 50 plus years in the biz. Now, that included a lot of TV at the end of his career, but also some major motion pictures earlier on as well (On the Waterfront, The Snake Pit, Show Boat, Tea and Sympathy …). A character actor, he may actually be more famous for marrying the actress and famous crazy person Frances Farmer than for his thespian skills.

The name came from a band leader (Erickson started out as a vocalist and trombone player). His original screen name was Glenn Erickson. Not sure what was wrong with that.

There also happens to be an American politician of the same name out there, as well as no less than three Swedes (a swimmer, a soccer player, and the “inventor of the Swedish bagpipes”).

(Superstar) Billy Graham – Wayne Coleman
Popular evangelist, meet studio wrestler

Billy Graham was known as the “pastor to the presidents.” He served as religious advisor to chief executives from Harry Truman to Barack Obama. He was also famous for his crusades, preaching to 210 million people in over 185 countries. 

Wayne Coleman sounds like he might have been pretty famous in wrestling circles. I don’t really run in those circles, though, so I’ll just have to take it their word for it. A big Christian, Coleman actually did indeed name himself after the evangelist. 

To be quite honest with you, there are way too many other Billy (and Bill) Grahams to list here. Heck, there’s even another one from wrestling – manager Halfbreed Billy Graham.

John Paul Jones – John Baldwin
Father of the American Navy, meet British rock ‘n roller

John Paul Jones hoisted the first American flag over a naval vessel, conducted a number of raids, captured a few British ships, lost the Bonhomme Richard, and uttered the memorable “I have not yet begun to fight.” Interestingly, he was actually born John Paul. He added the Jones in a bid to hide from the law. Indeed, Jones was accused of crimes a number of crimes, including piracy and flogging a sailor to death. Somehow or other, he ended his career as a vice admiral in the Russian navy.

John Baldwin was the bassist and keyboardist for Led Zeppelin. A session musician before the band got together, he pretty much returned to his roots when the band subsequently disbanded. He also did some producing, cut a few of his own albums, and formed a short-lived supergroup with Dave Grohl (ex Nirvana) and Josh Homme (ex Queens of the Stone Age) called Them Crooked Vultures.

Baldwin changed his name, very early on in his career, at the instigation of Andrew Loog Oldham, the Rolling Stones manager. Oldham had seen a poster for a film of the same name (about the naval hero) and, thinking Baldwin’s real name needed a little pizzazz, convinced him to adopt it.

Hard to believe, but there are two other John Paul Jones out there (an artist and an athlete), as well as a Johnpaul Jones (an architect).

Albert Brooks – Albert Einstein
Funny American actor/director, meet world-famous scientist

Wait a minute. This one’s a little different, isn’t it? Indeed, poor Albert Lawrence Einstein had to change his name to avoid – rather than seek out – notoriety (and confusion). What were the poor guy’s parents thinking?

Those parents actually were somewhat famous as a showbiz family, though both had no issue using a stage name. Perhaps they could have simply switched their boy’s two names, or even ditched the Albert all together, ya know?

Anyway, the first Albert Einstein was a pretty smart guy. I’ve got him behind the Theory of Relativity, the e=mc2 equation, and the Unified Field Theory. He also won a Nobel, among many other awards. Like I say, smart guy.

The second Albert Einstein (AKA Albert Brooks) started out as a comedian, becoming a regular on talk shows. He then ventured into acting, then directing. He had an Oscar nomination for Broadcast News and a starring role in and lots of critical acclaim for Drive. I just can’t help wonder, though, if his career would have been more successful if he’d simply kept his birth name.

Where did the Brooks come from?  No clue.

Paul Revere – Paul Revere Dick
Famous American patriot, meet founder of cheesy ‘60s rock ‘n roll band

Paul Revere was famous for his “midnight ride,” jumping on his horse to let the colonial militia know of the movement of British troops before the battles of Lexington and Concord.  He also happened to be a very talented silversmith. 

Paul Revere Dick (yup, that’s his real name) was the leader of Paul Revere and the Raiders. The only “hit” I remember of theirs was a #1, “Indian Reservation.”  You know, “Cherokee nation / Cherokee tribe / So proud to live / So proud to die.”  Dick himself passed away in 2014, but the Raiders are very much still active (though with none of the original members).

I have no idea why our musician wanted to get rid of his surname. Honestly, it’s a total mystery.

Booker T – Booker T. Jones
African-American scientist and social pioneer, meet leader of Motown band

Born a slave, Booker T. Washington became one of the leaders of Black America in the period after the Civil War. He worked his way through college, and then founded and led a college of his own, Tuskeegee, in Alabama. He was also well known for the book Up from Slavery, and for his connections with several presidents and other leading figures of his day.

Booker T. Jones was named for Booker T. Washington by way of his father, Booker T. Jones, Sr. Something of a child prodigy, Booker Jr. played multiple instruments and got his first record credit at age 16. He formed Booker T. and the M.G.’s in 1962, with the band still going strong today. He was awarded a lifetime Grammy in 2007.

Engelbert Humperdinck – Arnold Dorsey
Obscure German composer, meet mostly forgotten English singer

The real Engelbert Humperdinck is mostly known for composing the opera Hansel and Gretel.  A follower of Wagner, he also seems to have been a talented teacher himself. His other namesake is an asteroid belt, out there in space somewhere.

Arnold Dorsey was a crooner of the ‘60s and ‘70s. Born in India of British parents (though he looks pretty darn Indian to me), he came to the UK at age 10. Dorsey has been successful on both sides of the pond, and has homes in both the UK and US. He’s sold more than 140 million records. Some of hits include "Release Me," "The Last Waltz, "After the Lovin'" and "This Moment in Time." Wikipedia damns him with faint praise by calling him “one of the finest middle-of-the-road balladeers around.”

As for the name change, Dorsey had actually performed for several years under his given name. Looking for something more distinctive, his manager suggested the extremely distinctive Engelbert Humperdinck. Sounds like it worked.

Marc Anthony – Marco Muniz
Roman politician and general, meet contemporary Latin singer

A supporter of Julius Caesar, Marc Anthony ruled Rome with two others after Caesar’s death. After the three fell out, Anthony lost the subsequent civil war. When it was obvious his time was up, he and paramour Cleopatra committed suicide. Perhaps you’ve heard of the story.

Marco Muniz was actually born Marco Antonio Muniz. So, all he really did was just drop the last name. Hard to believe, but he was actually named after another singer by the exact same name. Our Marco’s won two Grammys and sold 12 million albums worldwide. He’s been married three times, to J Lo, a Miss Universe, and a model. Not sure how the short, rat-like-looking guy does it.

Hmm, looks like our singer wasn’t the first to nab this name. I’m seeing a writer, a DJ, a football player, and a soccer player as well.

Tom Jones – Tom Woodward
Famous fictional character, meet largely forgotten British singer

The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling is one of the first novels in English. Written by Henry Fielding, it was published in 1749. It’s a bawdy, humorous tale of Tom’s adventures, and one of the classics of English literature.

Tom Woodward was born in Wales, and became popular in the mid-60s. He’s sold over 100 million records. Hits include "It's Not Unusual", "What's New Pussycat", "Green, Green Grass of Home", "Delilah", "She's a Lady", "Kiss" and "Sex Bomb." He’s won a Grammy and also a CBE.

Woodward was given his name by manager Gordon Mills. It’s a pure play on an Academy-Award-winning 1963 movie based on the novel. 

Don’t be too surprised that there are other Tom Joneses out there. I count 14 athletes, two politicians, and five “others.”

Jane Seymour – Joyce Frankenberg
Short-lived English queen, meet hot English actress

Remember the old mnemonic for Henry VIII’s wives, “Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived”? Well, Jane Seymour was the “died” one. She was queen for little over a year, dying right after giving birth to the future Edward VI. She was the only one of Henry VIII’s wives to receive a proper state funeral, and is buried next to him.

You may know her better as Dr. Quinn, or perhaps Solitaire from Live and Let Die, but Joyce Penelope Wilhelmina Frankenberg has won an Emmy, two Golden Globes, and an OBE. Hard to believe she’s 59 – she still looks incredible.

Joyce decided on her screen name on her own, thinking it more palatable to English ears. There are actually a couple of other Jane Seymours out there – the original Jane’s niece, a writer, as well as another actress (with this one coming from Canada).

David Copperfield – David Kotkin
Beloved Dickens character, meet famous American magician

David Copperfield may be Dickens’ most popular book, and the title character his most famous as well. I guess the main competition here would be have to be Oliver Twist. Interestingly, both books are about poor young lads and their hardships growing up. Everything turns out alright for both of them in the end though.

David Kotkin is probably the most successful magician ever. He’s garnered a slew of Emmys, a bunch of Guinness World Records, a French knighthood, and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Further, he’s sold over 30 million tickets and grossed over four billion dollars. Oh, and he also married super model Claudia Schiffer.  Not too bad for a shy Jewish bot from Metuchen, NJ who took up magic to “meet women.”

The name? Turns out “he liked the sound of it.”  Interestingly, though, he’s never been able to finish the book, finding it “too dark for my tastes.”

Richard Burton – Richard Jenkins
19th Century British explorer, meet famous British actor

According to Wikipedia, Richard Burton was “a British explorer, geographer, translator, writer, soldier, orientalist, cartographer, ethnologist, spy, linguist, poet, fencer, and diplomat” (okay, you can take a breath now). He spoke 29 languages, and was famous for his translations of classics such as The Perfumed Garden, the Kama Sutra, and One Thousand and One Nights. He was knighted and was also a fellow of the Royal Geographical Society.

Richard Jenkins was a poor Welsh boy who made good in the world of the theater. A noted Shakespearean, he would be nominated for seven Academy Awards, though never winning. He would probably be best known, though, for his on-again, off-again relationship with Elizabeth Taylor. 

He actually named himself for a mentor of his, schoolteacher Phillip Burton. Phillip would actually later become Richard’s legal guardian, with Richard adopting Phillip’s surname by deed poll. So, in other words, not what we were thinking at all.

NFL Draft 2020 - Craziest Names

So, Joe Burrow went #1.  Eight receivers went in the first 35 picks .  There were no trades in the top 10 picks.  And Kliff Kingsbury has a really nice house.

But what we really want to know is, What were the craziest names among the 255 players drafted?  (Some pretty good hairdos and looks in here as well.)  Enjoy!


#30  Lloyd Cushenberry III
Pick #83: Denver Broncos, C, LSU
Comment:  Sounds like he should be running for local office somewhere
Interesting bio bit:  Starting center for every game of Heisman Trophy QB Joe Burrow’s career at LSU


#29  Sterling Hofrichter
Pick #228: Atlanta Falcons, P, Syracuse
Comment:  If anybody deserves a “III” after his name, it’s this guy
Interesting bio bit:  Working on a Masters in public health


#28  Tristan Wirfs
Pick #13: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, OT, Iowa
Comment:  And what, exactly, is a “wirf”?
Interesting bio bit:  High school state champ in discus, shotput, and wrestling


#27  Grant Delpit
Pick #44: Cleveland Browns, S, LSU
Comment:  Or a “delpit,” for that matter?
Interesting bio bit:  A New Orleans native, Grant’s family was displaced to Houston by Katrina (though they still kept their season tickets to the Saints)


#26  Matt Peart
Pick #99: New York Giants, OT, UConn
Comment:  Short, sweet, kinda rhymes …
Interesting bio bit:  Born in Jamaica

#25  Cole Kmet
Pick #43: Chicago Bears, TE, Notre Dame
Comment:  Short, sweet, alliterative …
Interesting bio bit:  Also played baseball for the Fighting Irish; father and uncle played in NFL

#24  Noah Igbinoghene
Pick #30: Miami Dolphins, CB, Auburn
Comment:  Announcers, I feel your pain
Interesting bio bit:  Father and mother were Olympic track and field athletes


#23  Albert Okwuegbunam
Pick #118: Denver Broncos:, TE, Missouri
Comment:  Twice
Interesting bio bit:  Middle name is Chukwueneka


#22  Laviska Shenault, Jr.
Pick #42: Jacksonville Jaguars, WR, Colorado
Comment:   A laviska, huh?  Can’t decide if that’s a Finnish dance, a Russian car, or a Polish pastry.
Interesting bio bit:  Was on the basketball team as a freshman

#21  Donovan Peoples-Jones
Pick #187: Cleveland Browns, WR, Michigan
Comment:  Heck, a simple “Donovan Peoples” woulda made this list
Interesting bio bit:  Had a 3.9 GPA in high school


#20  Lachavious Simmons
Pick #227: Chicago Bears, OG, Tennessee State
Comment:  Oh, if this had only been “Lascivious” instead
Interesting bio bit:  On his conference’s honor roll, with a 3.25 GPA

#19  Bravvion Roy
Pick #184: Carolina Panthers, DT, Baylor
Comment:  Now, is that Bravvion with one V or two?
Interesting bio bit:  Pronounced “BRAY-vee-ahn”

#18  Quez Watkins
Pick #200. Philadelphia Eagles, WR, Southern Mississippi
Comment:  Short for Marquez? Daquez? Shaquez?
Interesting bio bit:  First name is Terrance.  Quez is a nickname.


#17  Justin Strnad
Pick #178: Denver Broncos, LB, Wake Forest
Comment:  Not a typo!
Interesting bio bit:  Pronounced “stir-NAD”


#16  Antonio Gandy-Golden
Pick #142: Washington Redskins, WR, Liberty
Comment:  Gotta love those alliterative double-barrels
Interesting bio bit:  Liberty University was started by Jerry Falwell


#15  Solomon Kindley
Pick #111: Miami Dolphins, G, Georgia
Comment:  Dickens character?
Interesting bio bit:  Earned the nickname “The Big Fish” after serving as a lifeguard in his teens

#14  McTelvin Agim
Pick #95: Denver Broncos, DT, Arkansas
Comment:  Not to be confused with McAgim Telvin
Interesting bio bit:  3-year honor roll scholar

#13  Stantley Thomas-Oliver III
Pick #221: Carolina Panthers, CB, FIU
Comment:  State supreme court justice?
Interesting bio bit:  His high school coach was named Bink Waldrop


#12  Jerry Jeudy
Pick #15: Denver Broncos, WR, Alabama
Comment:  How come his nickname isn’t “Judge”?
Interesting bio bit:  Won the Fred Biletnikoff Award


#11  Ke’Shawn Vaughn
Pick #17: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, RB, Vanderbilt
Comment:  Hey, it rhymes!
Interesting bio bit:  Middle name is LaMonte, which does not


#10  Tua Tagovailoa
Pick #5: Miami Dolphins, QB, Alabama
Comment:  Coupla really bad Scrabble racks there
Interesting bio bit:  Tua is short for Tuanigamanuolepola (I kid you not)

#9  Mekhti Becton
Pick #11: New York Jets, OT, Louisville
Comment:  Hey, it almost rhymes
Interesting bio bit:  So big as a kid his family routinely carried around his birth certificate to prove his age when he played youth sports

#8  Kamren Curl
Pick #216: Washington Redskins, Safety, Arkansas
Comment:  It’s the misspelling of Cameron that really ices this one
Interesting bio bit:  Is an Okie from Muskogee

#7  Prince Tega Wanogho
Pick #210: Philadelphia Eagles, OT, Auburn
Comment:  You think he’s a real prince?
Interesting bio bit:  He is from Nigeria


#6  L'Jarius Sneed
Pick #138: Kansas City Chiefs, S, Louisiana Tech
Comment:  Evil villain name, if I ever heard one
Interesting bio bit:  NFL.com condemns him as “grabby and overly clingy down the field”

#5  Bopete Keyes
Pick #237: Kansas City Chiefs, CB, Tulane
Comment:  Like Bo-Peep, or like boppity?
Interesting bio bit:  Pronounced “BOH-peet,” but it’s a nickname. Real name is Thakarius.


#4  Cassh Maluia
Pick #204: New England Patriots, LB, Wyoming
Comment:  The two S’s seal the deal on this baby
Interesting bio bit:  His parents are Posi and Meli

#3  Kindle Vildor
Pick #163: Chicago Bears, CB, Georgia Southern
Comment:  I understand his folks were big readers
Interesting bio bit:  NFL.com praises his ability to “finds quality angles to pester the catch point”

#2  Lamical Perine
Pick #120: New York Jets, RB, Florida
Comment:  Rhymes with “comical”
Interesting bio bit:  Sadly, it’s actually La’Michal

#1  Quintez Cephus
Pick #166: Detroit Lions:, WR, Wisconsin
Comment:  As if Cephus wasn’t bad enough

Interesting bio bit:  Was once expelled by the Badgers for sexual assault

Meghan Markle – Five Clicks up from Trailer Trash?

Did you hear that one? Yup, some troll on MSNBC called poor Meghan that. It’s just the latest insult, though, from a very negative British press.

Personally, I think she’s charming and beautiful. I also support her and Harry’s brexit from the royal family. I mean, as a former British subject, I do appreciate the royals at times – when it’s done well, that is (Kate, William, George VI …). Boy, they sure do have some rotters though (Margaret, Andrew, the Duke of Windsor …), and generally come across as more than a little dysfunctional.

Now, Meghan has plenty of great qualities – charming, beautiful, smart, outspoken – but I was genuinely curious. What sort of stuff does she actually have in her closet? I mean, it’s probably not anything that any other normal person might be ashamed of (though there’s nothing normal about being a royal). But, is there anything there that the press could actually point to?  So, what I’m going to do is go as negative as I can, and see what I can find out there.

Career 

As you may know, Meghan Markle was an actress. So, unless she was Royal Shakespeare Company all the way, you know there’s going to be something there. I mean, actors and actresses have to start somewhere, right? And that means some roles and scenes that they’ll probably regret later, whether they end up as a duchess or not.

Sure enough, Meghan’s debut included a couple of soaps, including the classic General Hospital. Early non-speaking roles – that bane of all young thespians – include “student sitting on stage” and “hot girl.”

Even better, though, is her stint as a “briefcase girl” on Deal or No Deal. What is a “briefcase girl”? Well, as far as I can tell, it’s basically this particular show’s version of Vanna White.

As hinted at by that “hot girl” role, there’s also some risqué moments in Meghan’s career. Considering that she is indeed drop-dead gorgeous, that’s really not too surprising.

Among her 31 credits on IMDb, there’s one suggestive title, The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down. The movie is described as taking “you through a night of partying in L.A. Funny & somewhat outrageous, gives partiers helpful tips about which substances should not be mixed, how to approach potential hook-ups, avoid undesirables & basically have a good time without completely destroying yourself.” It is a TV movie, though, so I’m sure it’s pretty tame.

Less so, but still on TV, is Meghan’s simulating oral sex in a car, on Beverly Hills 90210. Oh dear! There’s also some pretty steamy scenes from Suits, the TV show she was primarily known for. And I have pictures!

Family

Poor Meghan’s career is nothing compared to her family however.

You’re probably aware that Meghan’s half African-American. That side, though, is squeaky clean, as far as I can tell. Par exemple, Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, was a very elegant presence at the royal wedding.

Doria was formerly a makeup artist (for TV), yoga instructor, travel agent, and social worker. Now, I can easily see Kate or Diana doing any of these jobs.

Doria’s parents – Meghan’s grandparents – were a little bit sketchier. Though the mother was a nurse, the father sold antiques at a flea market. And one generation back, we’ve got a bellhop and an elevator operator. Seeing as we’re talking about the Jim Crow era, though, those were fairly respectable occupations for African-Americans back then.

It’s Meghan’s father’s side of the family, the white side, where the problems lay. In fact, she is estranged from her father, as well as her step-brother and sister, which actually pretty much takes care of everybody.

So, let’s first take a look at Meghan’s father, Thomas Markel Sr. Like Meghan’s mother, he too worked in TV, as a lighting director and cinematographer, and in fact earned an Emmy. He’s also a bankrupt, having blown $750,000 he won in the California lottery.

Most shaming, though, is his bid to cash in on his brush with fame, with payments from paparazzi, talk shows, and tabloids. He is most famous for criticizing the royals and asking Meghan for money. Finally, he may also have faked a heart attack to get out of going to the royal wedding.

Next come Meghan’s step siblings, from Thomas’s first marriage, to Roslyn Loveless. Roslyn says Thomas cheated on her, used drugs, was abusive, and guilty of neglect.

Roslyn seems to have her act together but, unfortunately, her children do not. 

Meghan’s step-brother, Thomas Markle Jr., is an alcoholic and two-time divorcee, and has been arrested twice, once for domestic abuse. He, too, has been critical of Meghan in the media.

The step-sister, Samantha Grant, is a two-time divorcee, estranged from her own children, wants money from Meghan, but is also critical of her (her purported book is called The Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister). To top it all off, she’s being investigated for cyber-bullying (of Meghan).

And, finally, we’ve got her cousin, Tyler Dooley, son of Thomas Jr. He sells pot in California, and is also reality TV show actor (cashing in on you know who).

Poor Meghan. Compared to these losers, she’s looking just as much a princess as Kate.