Sunday, May 17, 2015

You named your child what? (Girls)

One of the little known benefits of our own Social Security Administration is a kick-ass database of what names Americans give their kids. It’s got the top 1000 names for every year from 1879 to 2014. Cool, huh?

One thing it doesn’t have, though, is associations with those particular names. Now, there are a couple of ways you can go about getting those, but one that I particularly like is Google’s auto complete. You know, when you type in “cliff,” and it suggests things like “cliff Alexander,” “cliff notes,” “cliffs of dover,” and so on.

So, here you go – the top 10 girl names from 2014, the top auto-complete for that name (along with that person’s bio), the next 5 auto-completes, and some more (pretty random) stuff. Enjoy!

Oh, you can get your boy names right here.


#10  Charlotte


Top-auto complete:  Russe

Wait a minute

Bio:  Charlotte Russe is a clothing retail chain store in the United States, headquartered in San Francisco, California. Fashions in the stores are targeted at women in their teens and twenties. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  "Charlotte Russe Releases Plus Size Line That's Just As Trendy As You'd Hoped"

Other top auto-completes:  McKinney (model), Elizabeth Diana (royal), Observer (newspaper), Hornets (basketball team), NC (city)

Meaning:  French, feminine form of “Charles” (which itself means “manly”)

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire to create and express themselves, often in public speaking, acting, writing or singing. They also yearn to have beauty around them in their home and work environment.

Comment:  I actually live in Charlotte, NC, so my auto-completes might not be totally legit.


#9  Madison



Top-auto complete:  Pettis

Bio:  Madison Michelle Pettis (born July 22, 1998) is an American teen actress, voice actress and model, best known for playing Sophie Martinez on the Disney Channel sitcom Cory in the House and as Peyton Kelly in the 2007 film The Game Plan.

Latest news:  "Madison Pettis Designs a Cute T-Shirt for Charity"

Other top auto-completes:  Square Garden, Bumgardner (baseball player - i.e., a guy), Beer (singer), WI, shooting

Meaning:  English, “son of Maude” (“powerful battler”) or “son of Madeline” (“from Magdala”)

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner need for quiet, and a desire to understand and analyze the world they live in, and to learn the deeper truths.

Comment:  A very unlikely name for a young lady, Madison dates back to Daryl Hannah’s character in the 1984 movie Splash.


#8  Abigail



Top-auto complete:  Breslin

Bio:  Abigail Breslin has come a long way since her Oscar-nominated role in Little Miss Sunshine in 2006. The actress is now 19, and she’s not afraid to speak her mind or take risks with her career.  (Nylon)

Latest news:  "'Maggie' actress Abigail Breslin talks zombies, New Orleans and working with a Hollywood icon [that would be Ahnuld]"

Other top auto-completes:  Ratchford (model), Spencer (actress), Johnson (CEO), and Brittany Hensel (conjoined twins), Adams (First Lady)

Meaning:  Hebrew, “my father’s joy”

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for love and companionship, and want to work with others to achieve peace and harmony.

Comment:  Abigail Campbell Kawananakoa, Abigail Kapiolani Kawananakoa, and Abigail Kinoiki Kekaulike Kawananakoa were all Hawaiian princesses


#7  Emily



Top-auto complete:  Ratajkowski

Bio:  Emily O'Hara Ratajkowski is an English-born American model and actress. She rose to prominence after appearing in the music video for Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines", which became the number one song of the year 2013 in several countries. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  "Chloe Sevigny, Emily Ratajkowski & Georgia May Jagger Boldly Go For The China Theme At The Met Gala"

Other top auto-completes:  Osment (singer, actress), Blunt (actress, singer), Kinney (actress), Wickersham (actress), Deschanel (actress)

Meaning:  Latin, feminine of Emil (meaning uncertain)

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for travel and adventure, and want to set their own pace in life without being governed by tradition.

Comment:  May have seriously peaked. Popular current alternatives include Emma, Amelia, and Emmeline.


#6  Mia



Top-auto complete:  Hamm

Bio:  After 17 years, two World Championships, two Olympic Gold Medals, and near unparalleled success as a marketing icon, Mia Hamm retired from professional soccer in 2004 as not only the best women’s soccer player in history but also as one of the most important and recognizable female figures in the history of sport. (Mia Hamm Foundation)

Latest news:  "Mia Hamm: The most powerful woman in football?"

Other top auto-completes:  Hamm quotes, Hamm facts, Khalifa (porn star), Farrow (actress), Sara (actress)

Meaning:  Italian, short for “Maria” (“bitterness”)

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire to use their abilities in leadership, and to have personal independence. They would rather focus on large, important issues, and delegate the details.

Comment:  Hey, who’s that guy with Mia? Why, it’s her husband, former baseball player Nomar Garciaparra. And, no, “Nomar” didn’t even make the top 1000 for boys.


#5  Ava


She’s the one in the middle

Top-auto complete:  Elizabeth Sambora 

Bio:  Ava Sambora, the daughter of Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora, will make her acting debut in Judd Apatow's Universal feature film, This Is 40 (2012), playing "Sadie's Best Friend" (role of "Sadie" played by Maude Apatow). In 2010 at the Los Angeles Fashion Weekend, Ava walked the runway for her father's clothing line, "White Trash Beautiful".  (IMDb)

Latest news:  "Heather Locklear's Daughter Looked Stellar At Coachella"

Other top auto-completes:  Gardner (actress), Duvernay (director), Phillipe (daughter of Reese Witherspoon), Sabrina London (transsexual), Archer Symes-Reeves (daughter of Keanu Reeves)

Meaning:  So many different theories I can’t keep up with them

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for love and companionship, and want to work with others to achieve peace and harmony.

Comment

  • Probably can all be traced back to actress Ava Gardner. Her name, though, can be traced back to the Astors.
  • Particularly popular on soap operas.


#4  Isabella



Top-auto complete:  Rosellini

Bio:  The daughter of Swedish actress Ingrid Bergman and Italian director Roberto Rossellini, Isabella Rossellini is an Italian-born actress known for such films as Blue Velvet, Cousins, and Immortal Beloved. She appeared in her first film in 1976, and has since made over 50 other films…. She was also the face of LancĂ´me cosmetics for 14 years. (bio.com)

Latest news:  "Isabella Rossellini Named President of Cannes Un Certain Regard Jury"

Other top auto-completes:  Stewart Gardner (heiress), Cruise (daughter of Tom and Nicole Kidman), Stewart Gardner Museum, Brewster (Hollywood agent), Strahan (Michael’s daughter)

Meaning:  Hebrew, “devoted to God”

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for love and companionship, and want to work with others to achieve peace and harmony.

Comment:  “She wore blue velvet / Bluer than velvet was the night …”


#3  Sophia



Top-auto complete:  Bush

Bio:  Sophia Bush (born Sophia Anna Bush in Pasadena California on July 8, 1982) is an American actress. She is best known for her role as Brooke Davis on The CW’s One Tree Hill. She also directed three episodes of the series. Her very public history of dating her OTH co-stars marks her personal life. Her acting film credits include Van Wilder and John Tucker Must Die. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  "Among rivals in Iowa, Bush tries to bounce back from remarks" [?!?!]

Other top auto-completes:  Loren (actress), Bush Twitter, Bush Instagram, Vargas (actress – actually Vergara), Viagra Vargas (actress – actually Vergara)

Meaning:  Greek, “knowledge”

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner need for quiet, and a desire to understand and analyze the world they live in, and to learn the deeper truths.

Comment:  And I thought she was one of George W’s twins. I was wrong.


#2  Olivia  



Top-auto complete:  Munn

Bio:  Olivia Munn is the full package: she's funny, beautiful, talented, and down-to-earth. Since getting her break on G4 TV in 2006, Munn has continually showcased her versatility and scored big roles on TV and the big screen. (Moviefone)

Latest news:  "Olivia Munn Turned Down 'Celebrity Jeopardy,' So Aaron Rodgers [her boyfriend] Accepted!"

Other top auto-completes:  Wilde (actress), Newton John (singer/actress), and Aaron Rodgers, Culpo (beauty queen), de Havilland (actress)

Meaning:  Latin, “olive”

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  n/a (?!?!)

Comment:  Take that, Tom Brady!


#1  Emma



Top-auto complete:  Watson

Bio:  Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson (born 15 April 1990) is an English actress, model, and activist. Watson rose to prominence as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter film series, appearing in all eight Harry Potter films from 2001 to 2011, previously having acted only in school plays. The franchise earned Watson worldwide fame, critical accolades, and more than £10 million. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  "Emma Watson's Bad Girl Character From 'The Bling Ring' Delivers Babies Now"

Other top auto-completes:  Stone (actress), Roberts (actress), Heming (actress), Watson hot, Thompson (actress)

Meaning:  German, “whole,” “universal” (???)

sheknows.com "soul urge" meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.

Comment:  Just can’t understand why it’s not Hermione that’s #1


Final Count

  • Actress – 20 (38%)
  • Celeb child – 5
  • Model – 3
  • Place – 3
  • Singer –3
  • Athlete – 2
  • One-offs – some 


Sunday, May 10, 2015

You named your child what? (Boys)

One of the little known benefits of our own Social Security Administration is a kick-ass database of what names Americans give their kids. It’s got the top 1000 names for every year from 1879 to 2014. Cool, huh?

One thing it doesn’t have, though, is associations with those particular names. Now, there are a couple of ways you can go about getting those, but one that I particularly like is Google’s auto complete. You know, when you type in “cliff,” and it suggests things like “cliff alexander,” “cliff notes,” “cliffs of dover,” and so on.

So, here you go – the top 10 boy names from 2014, the top auto-complete for that name (along with that person’s bio), the next 5 auto-completes, and some more (pretty random) stuff. Enjoy!


Oh, girls?  Right here.

 

#10  Daniel

Top auto-complete:  Bacon



Bio:  Daniel Bacon is a British actor. He is most known for his voice role as James "Rhodey" Rhodes / War Machine in Iron Man: Armored Adventures. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  "Bill Hader, Rebecca Hall and More Join the Movie Adaptation of Roald Dahl's The BFG" [Daniel’s mentioned in the article]

Other top auto-completes:  Wisler (actor), Radcliffe (actor), Craig (actor), Bryan (professional wrestler), Boone (pioneer)

Meaning:  Hebrew: “God is my judge”

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.

Comment:  Actually peaked in the 90s and has been falling ever since.


#9  James

Top auto-complete:  Brown



Bio:  James Brown (born February 25, 1951), commonly called "J.B.", is an American sportscaster known for being the host of The NFL Today on CBS Sports and Thursday Night Football on CBS Sports and NFL Network.  [Wait a minute, I thought he was called the “Godfather of Soul.”]

Latest news:  "Watch Snoop Dogg Share Final Advice He Got From James Brown"

Other top auto-completes:  Harden (basketball player), Franco (actor), Bond (fictional character), Garner (actor), Avery (actor)

Meaning: 
Hebrew: “holder of the heel” (from the Biblical patriarch’s being born holding his twin brother Esau’s heel)
 
sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.

Comment:  Hard to believe an old standby like this would be popular again. What’s next? John? Mary?


#8  Alexander

Top auto-complete:  Skarsgard


Bio:  Say hello to Sweden's sexiest import, 6'4" True Blood star Alexander Skarsgard! But while the hunky actor skyrocketed to fame playing bad-boy vampire Eric Northman on the HBO series, he's more than just a pretty face. (people.com)

Latest news:  "Are Alexander Skarsgard & Liam Hemsworth Up for the Male Lead in 'Wonder Woman'?"

Other top auto-completes:  The Great (conqueror), Ludwig (actor), McQueen (fashion designer), Hamilton (founding father), Graham Bell (inventor)

Meaning:  Greek: “defender of the people”

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire to create and express themselves, often in public speaking, acting, writing or singing. They also yearn to have beauty around them in their home and work environment.

Comment:  A suitable name for future actors, fashion designers, inventors, conquerors, and vampires


#7  Michael

Top auto-complete:  Jackson



Bio:  First taking to the stage at the age of just 11 as part of his family's gig The Jackson 5, Michael Jackson grew quickly into the superstardom which would both reward and plague his life. An apparently unstoppable creative and financial force through the highs of his career, 'The King of Pop' struggled with a confused and turbulent private life that was often made appallingly public. In the wake of his shock death though, it is for his artistry - and not his controversies - that he will be remembered and sadly missed.  (lifetime.com)

Latest news:  "Michael Jackson Impersonator brightens up Baltimore Streets" [after rioting]

Other top auto-completes:  Crabtree (football player), Jordan (basketball player), Middleton (Kate’s dad), Mays (son of Willie), Kors (fashion designer, reality TV star)

Meaning:  Hebrew: “Who is like God?” (a rhetorical question)

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.

Comment:  The most popular name of the last century (#1 no less than 44 times)


#6  Ethan


Top auto-complete:  Allen 


Bio (?):  High-end chain with stylish & traditional furniture & home accessories, plus design services. (Wikipedia)


Bio:  Ethan Allen (January 21, 1738 [O.S. January 10, 1737][4] – February 12, 1789) was a farmer; businessman; land speculator; philosopher; writer; and American Revolutionary War patriot, hero, and politician. He is best known as one of the founders of the U.S. state of Vermont. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  "Ethan Allen Warns of Weak Earnings"

Other top auto-completes:  Hawke (actor), Dolan (Vine "phenomenon") Cutkosky (actor), Wayne (actor), Embry (actor)

Meaning:  Hebrew: strong, firm, solid, safe, enduring

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.

Comment:  Name your child this only if you want him to be an actor … or a patriot ... or a piece of furniture.


#5  William

Top auto-complete:  Shatner


Bio:  William Shatner has notched up an impressive 50-plus years in front of the camera, most recently displaying comedic talent, and being instantly recognizable to several generations of cult television fans as the square-jawed Captain James T. Kirk, commander of the starship U.S.S. Enterprise.  (IMDb)

Latest news:  "William Shatner has a plan to save drought-plagued California"

Other top auto-completes:  Moseley (actor), Levy (actor and model), and Kate (British royals), Shakespeare (writer), Cook (actor)

Meaning:  German: “desire” + “helmet”

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner desire to use their abilities in leadership, and to have personal independence. They would rather focus on large, important issues, and delegate the details.

Comment:  Ask yourself, do you really want to name your child Desire-Helmet?


#4  Mason

Top auto-complete:  Disick



Bio:  Mason Disick (born Mason Dash Disick in Los Angeles, California, on December 14, 2009) is the first-born child of reality television stars Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. (hollywoodlife.com)

Latest news:  "Mason Disick Celebrates His 5th Birthday with North West, Penelope Disick and Kim Kardashian"

Other top auto-completes:  jars, shoes, Dixon Line, Dye (actor), Plumlee (basketball player)

Meaning:  English: from the last name, which is itself from the occupation (e.g., a stone mason)

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  none (?!?!)

Comment:  All I can think of, unfortunately, is Mason Reese.




#3  Jacob

Top auto-complete:  Whitesides



Bio:  Jacob Whitesides is a singer songwriter from Knoxville, Tennessee. He has been playing since the age of eight and say [sic] he never wants to stop! He is now 14 and is playing all around Knoxville, and surrounding areas. He is an experienced guitar player and singer who puts favorable twists on covers and writes his own music! Jacob was inspired at a Bluegrass festival in 2008, and ever since then he knew he wanted to do music for a living! He also plays other instruments such as drums, ukulele, and electric lead. (Tumblr)

Latest news:  "Radio Disney Music Awards on Twitter: Why YouTuber Jacob Whitesides Drove the Conversation"

Other top auto-completes:  Pechenik (Zooey Deschanel’s boyfriend), ladder, Ellsbury (baseball player), Javits Convention Center, Latimore (recording artist)

Meaning:  see James

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner need for quiet, and a desire to understand and analyze the world they live in, and to learn the deeper truths. 

Comment:  #1 in the US from 1999 through 2012 



#2  Liam

Top auto-complete:  Neeson



Bio:  Standing a burly 6'4", Liam Neeson was once described by a theatre critic as a "towering sequoia of sex." To say that he has undeniable charisma is certainly accurate, but it is a charisma composed as much of impressive talent as of broken-nosed physical appeal. Bearing both versatility and quiet forcefulness, Neeson has been touted as one of the most compelling actors of the late 20th century.  (Fandango)

Latest news:  "Liam Neeson vs. Peter Griffin: Fight of the century? We score 'Family Guy' sneak peek"

Other top auto-completes:  Hemsworth (Australian actor), Payne (singer, One Direction), James (Canadian actor), Flockhart (son of Cassandra Flockhart and Harrison Ford), McIntyre (Australian actor)

Meaning:  Irish: “towering sequoia of sex” (actually, it’s short for William)

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  none (?!?!)

Comment:  My oldest boy is named Liam. When he was born, in 1995, his name ranked 240th. Do I know how to pick 'em? Why, yes, I do.


#1  Noah

Top auto-complete:  Galloway 



Bio:  Noah Galloway (born 1981) is a former United States Army soldier, and a model and athlete. He was injured during the Iraq War, losing his left arm above the elbow and left leg above the knee. He is currently a contestant on Dancing with the Stars season 20, paired with Sharna Burgess. (Wikipedia)

Latest news:  :'Dancing with the Stars' predictions: Could Noah Galloway surprise with top score?"

Other top auto-completes:  Webster, ark, movie, Cyrus (Miley’s sister), Wyle (actor)

Meaning:  Hebrew: “rest,” “comfort”

sheknows.com “soul urge” meaning:  People with this name have a deep inner need for quiet, and a desire to understand and analyze the world they live in, and to learn the deeper truths.

Comment:  Was ranked 205th as recently as 1993


Final Count

  • Actor - 24 (45%)
  • Athlete - 6
  • Celeb child - 3
  • Musician - 3
  • Fashion designer - 2
  • Patriot - 2
  • Product - 2
  • Writer - 2
  • One offs - 11


Sunday, April 26, 2015

First Lady Notties

So, we've got our First Lady hotties right here (and some presidential ones here). Now, let's take a look at some from the other extreme.


#10


Hey, it’s Aunt Jenny, from Spry Shortening (thanks, James Lileks) … albeit a much more serious version.


Okay, so it’s not Aunt Jenny. Here are some clues as to who it really is though:
  • A real cougar, she was five years older than her hubby
  • He referred to her as “The Duchess”
  • He cheated on her right and left
  • There are rumors that she did him in

Wow! These two were …


Warren G Harding and Florence Kling DeWolfe Harding


#9


Zontra – the thing with two brains!

Actually, no. This is merely the wife of the 25th president of the United States. The things on her head are just a hairdo – all the rage in, oh, 1900 or so.

So, if that wasn’t enough to give it away, here are some more clues (primarily of a medical nature):
  • She had a nervous breakdown after the death of the couple’s two daughters
  • She had epilepsy
  • She took barbiturates, laudanum, and other drugs
  • She was largely an invalid as First Lady
  • Everyone liked how solicitous the president was of her

Give up? They were …


William McKinley and Ida Saxton McKinley.


#8


Hard to believe, but this elderly-looking frumpster also made the First Lady hotties list as well. 

How can that be? Oh, subtract 40 years or so. Here are some more hints:
  • She was a cougar too – by about eight months
  • She could read and write (unlike most women of her date, place, and class)
  • She was 5 feet “tall,” more than a foot shorter than her spouse
  • His nickname for her was “Patsy”

Got it yet? Well, this will give it away.

She was married to this fellow:


And her name was Martha Washington.


#7


Double feature!

This president was married to these two lovely ladies. The first was named Abigail; the second, Caroline. The first one was actually the First Lady, but died less than a month after leaving office. The second would marry the ex-president five years later.

As for the first one, she’s another cougar, being a year older than her hubby. You won’t believe where they met though. It was in school, but – get this! – she was actually his teacher

As for the second one, she was much wealthier than her hubby, and actually had him sign a prenup.

Clueless? I don’t blame you. So, he was …


Millard Fillmore. And they were Abigail Powers Fillmore and Caroline Carmichael McIntosh Fillmore.

 
#6

    

Here’s another guy who knew how to pick ‘em.

The first one was named Ellen, and she died while First Lady. The second was named Edith, and the president married her after the shockingly short mourning period (for then) of a little more than a year.

Ellen was noted for being an accomplished artist. She died of Bright’s disease, at age 53. 

Edith was basically the chief executive while her husband recovered from a stroke.

Him? Well, he wasn’t anything special himself – a lanky, bespectacled academic with absolutely horrible teeth. I’m talking about …


Woodrow Wilson. And his two wives were Ellen Axson Wilson and Edith Bolling Galt Wilson.

 
#5


Hard to believe, but here’s another president who was “hot for teacher.”

In this case, it wasn’t a formal relationship though. Turns out he was basically illiterate, she was not, and she tutored him in the early days of their marriage.

Like a surprising number of First Ladies, Eliza here was an invalid through most of her husband’s presidency. She would eventually die of TB, five months after her husband passed away.

Give up? They’re …


Andrew Johnson and Eliza McCardle Johnson.


#4


Needless to say, this lady did look a lot more attractive at one time – say, 40 some years before this portrait was made. As it turns out, she was also quite smart and accomplished as well. She had no trouble keeping up with her equally smart husband, and their voluminous correspondence is quite fascinating.

She also played a major role in her husband’s administration, being called “Mrs. President” behind her back. She had very enlightened views on women’s rights, slavery, and religion.
So, I guess looks aren’t everything, huh?

Have you guessed who we’re talking about here yet? He was …


John Adams. And she was Abigail Adams.

 
#3


When I said looks aren’t everything, I wasn’t kidding.

This First Lady, for example, may be the most impactful one we’ve ever had (if Hilary doesn’t get elected president next year, that is).

For one thing, she was First Lady longer than anyone else. She also spent a good deal of her “time in office” constantly travelling the country to tout her husband’s agenda (as well as her own). And, after “stepping down,” she took on the job of US ambassador to the UN.

Who is it? It’s …


Eleanor Roosevelt!


#2


Holy cow!

I was worried that this one was a mistake. This particular First Lady wasn’t especially attractive, but all her other shots are a whole lot better than this.

Well, I did notice a couple of things about those other shots:
  • They were typically posed
  • She almost never smiled

So, maybe there was a reason for those two things. Anyway, here are a few more clues:
  • She and her POTUS met in childhood
  • They had only one child, a very talented daughter named Margaret
  • She hated being a public figure, and did as little being seen in public as she could get away with
  • She was the longest living FLOTUS, passing away at age 97

Who are we talking about here?


Bess and Harry Truman


#1


Short, fat, and with crossed eyes, this poor thing takes the cake / steals the show / wins the blue ribbon / grabs the brass ring …

Julia here was actually quite a popular FLOTUS. She thoroughly enjoyed being First Lady, entertaining lavishly and relishing being the belle of the ball.

She and her hubby were also quite devoted to each other. Interestingly, though, their marriage was initially opposed by both families. On her side, they thought this future president would never amount to anything. On his side, they did not want their boy to marry into a family of slaveholders. 

Here is one last hint … She is buried in this guy’s tomb:


And she is Julia Dent Grant.



Alright, now how about some presidential mugs?

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Presidential Notties

Well, we've had our presidential hotties (and first lady hotties as well). How about some guys from the other side of the aisle (so to speak)?


#10



Not an unattractive fellow, it’s the hair that got this guy onto the list. I mean, honestly, had combs not been invented before the Civil War?

Yup, this guy was one of those mid-19th-century nobodies between Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln. Here are some other hints as to his identity:

  • Before becoming a Whig, he belonged to the Anti-Masonic party
  • He would later run for president on the Know Nothing ticket
  • He was the second VP to become president upon the death of his boss
  • He probably has the funniest name of all the presidents

Give up? It’s …

Millard Fillmore


#9



Few knew it, but our 25th president was actually one of the undead.

This scary-looking guy is mostly known for getting shot. He also:

  • Was the only president between Jackson and Wilson to be clean-shaven
  • Served in the Civil War under another president, Rutherford B Hayes
  • Was the first president to ride in an automobile
  • Appeared on the $500 bill (last printed in 1934)
  • Annexed Hawaii and went to war with Spain

And our first vampire president was …

William McKinley
(hmm, not much of a difference between those two portraits, now is there?)

#8


It’s amazing what a beard – a real beard, mind you – can do for you.

This guy was part of that blur of nobodies between Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. Not that much to remember him by, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. So, did you know that this guy:

  • Was only 5’6”
  • Was a general in the Civil War (another one!)
  • Had the most states admitted during his administration, with six
  • Had electricity installed in the White House
  • Was known as “The Human Iceberg”
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 23rd president of the United States …

Benjamin Harrison

#7


Affectionately called President Porker …

Actually, this guy was not really an overweight tub of goo. Musta been the camera angle. Or maybe the lighting. Wait a minute ... This is a painting.

So, you’re probably wondering who this might be. Well, I can tell you that he was indeed bald. I can also relate that:

  • He was ambassador to Russia, Prussia, and the Netherlands before becoming president
  • He was sworn in using a copy of the Constitution, and not the Bible
  • While president, he liked to swim naked in the Potomac
  • After being president, he was elected to the House
  • Oh, his dad was president too

No, it’s not George W Bush. It’s …

John Quincy Adams

#6


Future presidents learned from this man not to overdo the makeup when sitting for their official photos.

Now, this guy wasn’t especially good looking, but I can guarantee you he looked a lot better than he looks here. Here are some other clues to his identity:

  • He was awarded 87 honorary degrees
  • He lived in China and spoke a little Chinese
  • He was the first president born west of the Mississippi
  • He was a member of Stanford’s first graduating class
  • He’s one of two Quaker presidents

He also did quite a deal of good, but is mostly remembered for the Great Depression. He’s …

Herbert Hoover

#5


They say his brain was the size of a small watermelon …

Well, I don’t know about that. I do know that he was bald, and was also rather famous for his whiskers.  I can also tell you that he:

  • Was the first president born an American citizen
  • Grew up speaking Dutch
  • Ran for re-election without a vice presidential candidate
  • Was known as The Red Fox,” “The Little Magician,” and “Old Kinderhook”

So, who do we have here?

Martin Van Buren

#4


It’s an odd – and unfortunate – thing when your portrait is ten times less attractive than your photograph. I thought they could fix that kinda stuff up.

In addition to being not this bad looking, this president also:

  • Campaigned with the slogan “Fifty-four, Forty or Fight”
  • Promised not to run for re-election (and kept that promise)
  • Was the first president to have his photo taken while in office (see below)
  • Took us to war with Mexico
  • Died three months after leaving office

He also just so happened to have been born two miles down the road from me. I kid you not.

Did that last hint totally give it away? Yup, this dude is indeed …


James K Polk

#3


Hey, nice hat!

I’m trying to think of another president who looks less like his younger self than this guy. Quite an interesting fellow, some of his many accomplishments include:

  • Climbing the Matterhorn
  • Writing 38 books
  • Winning the Congressional Medal of Honor
  • Winning the Nobel Peace Prize
  • Being the youngest president ever

Could it be? Yes, it is. It’s …


Teddy Roosevelt

#2


This picture alone includes two important clues. This president fought in World War I. He also wore glasses (in fact, he had incredibly poor vision).

Need some more clues? How about:

  • His mother was in an internment camp during the Civil War
  • He read every book in the his hometown’s public library
  • He never went to college
  • His middle initial didn’t stand for anything

Yup, that weird looking dude is none other than …

Harry S Truman

#1

Kind of ironic that our greatest president was also our least attractive. I'm sure there's no way this guy would ever have gotten elected dog catcher these days.

There’s been a lot of speculation over the years about what accounts for this fellow’s less than good looks. One early culprit was Marfan syndrome. Some of its symptoms – which he shared – include excessive tallness, long limbs, large hands and feet, and a sunken chest.

He was, however, strong and athletic, unlike most Marfan victims. He also seems to have none of the heart or eye problems that often come with the syndrome.

The latest theory holds that Lincoln suffered from a marfanoid disorder called multiple endocrine neoplasia type 2B (MEN2B). Whatever it was, he most certainly got it from his mother, Nancy Hanks, who shared many of the same physical characteristics.

Well, whatever it was, I’m sure you’ve already guessed that this fellow is indeed …


Abraham Lincoln
(the best looking picture I could find of him)

Dishonorable Mention
  • William Howard Taft
  • Jimmy Carter
  • Andrew Johnson
  • James Buchanan
  • Grover Cleveland
  • LBJ
  • Zachary Taylor
  • James Madison
  • William Henry Harrison
  • Richard Nixon